Running a Successful Shul Dinner

A Shul Dinner is a wonderful event. The members get together for a wonderful evening together; the Shul is celebrated and strengthened; the service of the honorees is recognized. However it takes a lot of work, and if not for its primary fundraising role, it would probably not be undertaken.

As we’ve discussed previously, even a small 50 member family Shul in a rented space and a part-time Rabbi, can easily cost $75,000 a year or about $1,500 per family. You can’t charge $1,500 per family for membership in a small Shul, so you charge a few hundred for membership, a few hundred for Yomim Noraim seats, hope to raise a few hundred per family at a dinner, and sweat to make up the rest of the budget. The dinner is the key event around which fundraising can take place. Let’s look at four major processes: getting an honoree, picking a venue, encouraging member participation, making the event run smoothly.

Getting members to agree to be honored is not simple. For a small shul of 100 or less active members, getting one couple (or individual) to be honored is fine. In our Shul’s earlier years we would honor 2 couples, but as the years passed we ran short of willing participants, so we usually honor 1 couple now. If we would have had the foresight, we would have honored 1 couple from the beginning.
Some primary reasons people refuse to be honored are:
1) they don’t want to make the financial commitment it implies
2) they don’t want to bother their friends and families
3) they don’t want of feel they deserve the honor
If you set reasonable fundraising goals, you can often overcome objections 1) and 2) by insisting that a big donation or invite list is not expected. Objection 3) sometimes requires the Rabbi to pay a special visit to teach the members about the merit received for accepting the honor for the benefit of the Shul.

After the honorees, comes the venue. Find a few dates that work for the honorees and that don’t present any obvious community conflicts. Call the local halls first, because the less travelling required the better, and it’s always good to do business in your local community where possible. In Queens and Long Island, you can expect to spend between $40 and $60 per person for the caterer and the hall. If you’re a good negotiator, and are willing to tone down the menu, you might bring it home between $30 and $40 per person. Make sure it’s respectable, since you’re asking you members to shell out a few hundred per person, and it’s a let down if they’re served a tired piece of chicken, with some overcooked greasy vegetables.

Next is to decide the participation levels for your journal. Set the dinner attendance cost within the reach of most members, and set the other levels from there. Get a local printer to print your invitations. When putting together your invite list, remember people generally don’t attend or contribute to other Shul’s dinners, so save yourself some postage and printing cost and invite those likely to contribute. Don’t skip on the journal, as it’s a nice touch for the honorees, and it helps you to raise more money with the different journal page rates.

After the invitations go out, comes the ad deadline game. It’s no secret that Jews run a little late when it comes to deadlines, so a liberal amount of Shul announcements and email reminders are usually necessary. Calling members who have not responded is a very wise idea, since people are more likely to respond to a call then to other forms of solicitation. In our Shul we encourage all new members to come, sometimes by reducing their contribution to the catering costs.

Lastly comes the event itself. The goal is to make it respectable for the honorees, enjoyable for the members, build connection to the Shul, all within a reasonable elapsed time. Reasonable timings are 60 minutes for the shmorg or hors d’oeuvres, 60 minutes for the main meal and program, 20 minutes for desert. Throw in a mincha and/or a maariv and some transition time, and your talking 3 hours total. Although in a certain sense, the speeches are the most important part of the dinner, people today seem to have trouble sitting through them. Generally the dinner chairman, the Rabbi, the president, an introduction for the honorees, and the honorees themselves should speak. Inform all parties of the target time for their speech.

You can see there’s a lot of steps, so you need a competent dinner committee, consisting of a dinner chair, a journal chair, and a few other people helping with the planning and execution. It’s helpful if you can get the same people from year to year, because there’s a lot of knowledge that is gained each time a dinner is run. We had our dinner this week and it was a smashing success, due in no small part to our amazing dinner committee.

If you have any questions or thoughts you can leave a comment or email me at shulpolitics@gmail.com.

Emotional Bank Accounts and Letting it Slide

One of the powerful metaphors of the late Steven Covey’s classic, “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People”, is the Emotional Bank Account (EBA). The EBA defines the degree of trust and the depth of the relationship between two people. In good relationships between friends, the positive interactions act as deposits, building a high balance in the EBA. The lack of interactions or negative interactions acting as withdrawals lowering your balance. The degree of trust, acceptance and forgiveness correlates with the balance in the EBA.

The “Digital Shuls” post from last week illustrates two examples of this principle. A few of my closer friends from Shul check their messages in Shul and the post, which they read, questioned whether that was proper behavior. Since I have a high EBA with them they heard what I was saying and did not begrudge me for saying it. One friend pointed out that smart phones, with their organization and communication functions, have become so integral to our day to day living, that it seems perfectly normal to check it in Shul, just as it would be acceptable to update a paper-based to-do list.

The “Digital Shuls” post was not actually prompted by the Shul phone usage of my friends. I pretty much accept their usage, because they’re close friends. What prompted the post, was the iPad usage at my weekday Shacharis minyan by someone I don’t know well. I found it distracting, but if we had a closer relationship and a higher EBA, I probably would’ve ignored it altogether.

In Shuls we let a lot of behaviors slide, because of high EBAs and that’s a good thing. The downside is that when behavior adjustment is called for, we don’t get a call out from our friends, and our friends are the ones most likely to help us change for the better.

Postscript: A Tzedakah collector was making the rounds during Tachanun in my weekday minyan. When he was at the iPad user’s table, I noticed that there was a $5 bill on the floor right next to the chair of the iPad user. I went over and picked it up and gave it to him and motioned that it fell out of his pocket.

After davening, I said it was a good Bava Metzia question as I never actually saw it fall and in theory, it could have been the Tzedakah collectors. He said that he checked his pocket and he was indeed missing a $5. We exchanged name introductions, and deposits were made into both our EBAs. I’m beginning to think that the iPad isn’t so distracting after all.

Making Rules To Prevent Digital Shuls

As cell phones have become commonplace, it has become accepted common courtesy to turn your ringer off or to vibrate during davening. Most Shuls strongly discourage talking on the cell during davening. Although some Shuls already have a no-digital-usage policy, many shuls have not yet established policies when it comes to less evasive digital usage.

With regard to reading and writing texts and emails, many Shuls allow it. The neighbor disturbance level is low enough, and many shuls are hesitant to prohibit behaviors which are not clear violations of the halacha. In the Shuls in my neighborhood, the texters are still a small minority, but in the event that a majority of people are texting in Shul on a regular basis, I think many Shuls will conclude that it is an inappropriate behavior and discourage it. Which makes you wonder why it’s not considered inappropriate now.

The next frontier is davening from IPads or other tablet computers. Since the IPad has a bigger screen which your neighbor can see, the potential for distraction is greater. As long as siddur and gemora viewing are the primary activities, most Shuls will probably not set a prohibitive policy. If people use the tablets for other things, I think minynan members will protest about the distraction and Shuls will discourage tablet usage, and perhaps cell phone usage as well.

We’re still early on the personal digital adoption life cycle and as the usage and frequency of usage evolves, it will be interesting to see how Shul policies change. It might make sense to get ahead of the curve and discuss and implement an appropriate digital policy for your Shul, since it’s harder to change behaviors when they’ve become entrenched.

Yom Tovim in Shul – Of Guests and Gabbaim

Yom Tovim are wonderful times for Shuls. In Eretz Yisroel, 3 of the 7 days were major davening days, while in Chutz L’Aretz 5 of the 8 days were major davening days this year.

The major issue is accommodating the many guests. Of course the always present seating issue arises. Most people will gladly give up there makom kavua for a given tefilla, and giving it up for a week presents an increased opportunity to display selflessness. In my observations, people are usually up to the challenge, and it can be made even easier if the host families strongly and sincerely express their thanks for the accommodation.

Watching the Gabbai try to accommodate kibbudim for all the guests is a sight to behold. Most people are happy when their father, brother, son and in-law variations get an aliyah or other honor, and it’s the Gabbai’s job to make as many people as happy as possible. In addition the Gabbai has to get many Baalei Tefillah, trying to match Shul member preferences with personal styles.

The Krias HaTorah line up has to be selected, and due to the shorter leining length, more younger members want to try their hand at kriah. Usually it works out, but when somebody is not so prepared, or a little nervous, it can be awkward for both the leiner and the listeners.

The last accommodation is for Shiurim. Sons and sons-in-laws learning in Yeshiva are home for the holiday and it’s a great opportunity for them to prepare and deliver a shiur to the Shul. It’s also an opportunity for members to hear different styles of shiurim and for fathers and father-in-laws to shep a little nachas.

Shuls are front and center during the Yom Tovim and it’s an added delight when our extended families can enhance the learning and davening.