Month: October 2013

When a “Talking During Leining” Breach is Better Left Untouched

Our Shul is very quiet, but we do allow talking between the Aliyos of the Torah reading. The Torah reading itself is usually pin-drop silent, but this past Shabbos we had a very unusual occurrence. Two members, who don’t normally sit next to each other continued talking through the entire seventh aliyah. It was a 7 posuk aliyah, with 2 short pesukim, but it was surprising that this boundary was breached for the entire aliyah.

In discussing it with a friend afterwords, we agreed that only people close by were in a position to give a quiet shush, since as we pointed out previously, loud long distance shushes are often more disturbing then the talking. In this particular case, the people closest to the talkers either didn’t notice it, or didn’t feel that it was their place to give even a quiet shush.

The next question was whether someone should say something to them after the incident. The conclusion we came to was that since these people don’t normally sit next to each other, and talking during leining is so rare in the Shul, it was better to not say anything. The reason for this is that even a gentle rebuke causes some discomfort to the members, and if it is not necessary to fix the situation it is better left unsaid. In general, the goal of rebuke is corrective, not punitive.

It takes some vigilance to keep the Shul at the quiet levels that most members cherish, but an infrequent breach is sometimes better left alone. If the situation occurs again, we’ll have to re-evaluate.

Shalosh Seudos is the New Shul Social

In larger Jewish communities, it seems that Shuls are less of a hub of social activities these days. This might be because people are busier with their work and family lives, there are more entertainment avenues available, or perhaps because people are less comfortable socializing in mixed groups. The Shabbos Kiddush is still a mainstay, but my experience is that many people stay for just a short while, and after the cake and kugle, there’s not too much time left for socialization.

One social activity that does seem to be running at full throttle is Shalosh Seudos. On Shabbos afternoons from Succos to Pesach, after Mincha, the men march down to the social hall to fill the rows of long tables. Although there’s no reserved seating by Shalosh Seudos, many people seem to sit in the same section, comfortably shmoozing with the same group of friends.

Although the food is usually nothing to write home about, after a hearty Shabbos lunch it’s more than enough. Starting with the fast moving lines at the washing sinks, the borrowing of a roll for lechem mishneh, and the refrains of pass the egg salad, the seltzer, the chips and the herring, this smallest of Shabbos meals meets the halachic requirements, while at the same time filling the bread-breaking function that has bound people together since the times of the Torah.

When I see all the people talking, eating and enjoying each other’s company, it shows that we really need to socialize, and we’re fortunate that the “progress” of society has not taken away this Shabbos afternoon oasis. In a future post will talk about some of the aspects of running and maximizing the Shalosh Seudos experience. Until then, enjoy your Shalosh Seudos.

Dear Jack, I Was the One Who Said “You’re in My Seat”

Dear Jack,

I read your article on the OU’s website titled, You’re in My Seat, and I would like to apologize for being one of the five people who asked you to change your seat. I was one of the people who asked you nicely, but I should have immediately found you an available seat.

In a previous Shul where I davened, in which there were a lot of non-observant guests, we would never ask a person to move to an available seat, because of the possibility of causing offense. But here, we assume observant guests know that Shuls often have fixed seats and that our guests will ask someone for help in finding an available seat. Clearly, that was a mistake and I will try to make our members aware that they should be proactive and always help guests find an available seat.

Although you pointed to the halacha of Makom Kavua as a possible reason we asked you to move, it’s not the only reason we have fixed seats in our Shul. Most of us work pretty hard during the week and Shabbos morning is our refuge where we can sit peacefully, daven, learn, and listen to the drasha. As you’ve seen it can be quite disconcerting to have to find a seat each Shabbos, so we’ve contributed our time and money to keep our Shul running, enabling each of to have a seat we can call our own. From my experience, a regular Shabbos seat is close to a basic human need for observant Jews who daven with a minyan every Shabbos.

Although you suggest that we get there on time if we want our regular seat, our membership, in consideration of our individual situations, voted to give us the rights to our seats until Borechu. Even with that right, I would have gladly sat in another seat. However for various personal situations I usually can’t get to Shul earlier than Borechu, and because I have a desirable aisle seat, I would in fact never get to sit in my regular seat.

All the above notwithstanding, I want to apology on behalf of the Shul for this incident. If you can remember and publicize the good guest rule, “to ask for an available seat”, and we can remember the good host rule, “to immediately find an available seat for our guests”, we hopefully can both make our Shuls and communities, a better place.

With Apologies
Mike

Strategies for Shul Financial Success – Part 1 – Changing Needs Over Time

There is no single formula for Shul financial success, because a 1,000 family Shul in a well-to-do suburb needs a much different strategy then 20 families in a rented basement. The size of the budget and the potential revenue sources are obviously the main driving factors, but I’d like to share some strategies that have been helpful over the years.

Our Shul started with about 20 members renting a basement in a small house. When I became treasurer in 1991 we had moved to the basement of a local high school with about 80 families and a Rabbi on a part time salary. We were 6 years into a 10 year lease at a very reasonable rent. In that year some forward thinking members, with an eye towards our lease ending, pooled together some resources to purchase a house which we subsequently rented out.

In 1995, the Shul President, started to put together a committee and a plan for the building of our new Shul. I was in the fourth year of a six year run as treasurer, and I still have the one page spreadsheet showing the cost breakdown of our $1,000,000 shul and our summary of pledges, loans and cash on hand to cover the projected capital costs. I took over as Shul President, for a 2 year term, the year before we moved in to the new building. A major focus in those years was redeeming pledges and continuing to get new pledges to finance the building.

When we moved into our new Shul in August, 1998 our expenses had increased significantly with a mortgage, outstanding building expenses, a sizable utility bill, a part time janitor, and other expenses necessary for the upkeep of our Shul. Over the past 15 years, I’ve been active on the board working on our finances and our expenses since we’ve moved in to the building have not increased significantly. We’re also approaching paying off our balloon mortgage. Clearly, our financing needs and strategies have changed significantly over the past 20+ years.

I would say that the one strategy that has been consistent over the years is to be frugal. Whenever you are making a purchase for a product or a service, shop around and hondle. Look for the best product at the best price, even if it takes a little more time. Even if you’re not frugal in your own family finances, when it comes to public Shul funds you should adopt that trait. Your goal is to keep the expense side of the budget as low as possible given your situation.

In future weeks we’ll discuss how we made our budget over the years and financed the construction of our building.

In Praise of the “Stinkin Kids”

It was at a membership meeting of over 15 years ago. A member was complaining about the fact that sometimes the kids in the Shul get a little wild and the parents need to assume responsibility for the behavior of their children. It was a legitimate position, which most Shul members would agree on. However the complaining member went over the line and said something to the effect of ‘Somebody has to watch the “stinkin kids”‘. It was probably the most memorable phrase in membership meeting history, but the attitude was rejected and I’m sure even the complaining member wishes he could recall that phrase.

This Simchos Torah we had one of the best and strongest Hakafos in Shul history. There was lots of joyous singing and dancing, everybody behaved appropriately – it was fantastic. And at the heart of it all were many of those kids from 15 years ago, who choose to spend their Simchos Torah in the Shul instead of the Yeshivos, because we rejected the “stinkin kids” appellation, and made great efforts to make the teens and younger children feel comfortable, while at the same time keeping the play at appropriate levels.

There was a time when the Hakafos in our Shul were not so strong and consisted mainly of men doing the Yeshiva shuffle as they tried to make the Hakafos as short as possible. But for the past number of years they’ve been getting stronger and stronger thanks to the next generation.

We still have work to do in this area, and probably always will, as we try to encourage Shul attendance among the young, while at the same time curtailing inappropriate behavior. I’ll post some things we’ve seen work in the future, but today it’s a day of appreciation for the wonderful contribution our kids made to the entire Shul’s Simchos Yom Tov.