December 2014 - Shul Politics

Time, Space and Soul at the Kotel

On previous trip to Eretz Yisroel, I had the good fortune to rent an apartment in Kfar David in Mamilla, very close to the Jaffa Gate. I davened almost every Tefillah at the Kotel.

Davening at the Kotel is amazing because it’s a Minyan factory and you get to join together with all types of Jews from the four corners of the world. However, I do find it distracting at Shacharis, between the people collecting Tzedakah and the simultaneous Minyanim going on at a somewhat loud volume.

On my first Shacharis I went to the Vasikin minyan, which is at sunrise and is the best time to Daven according to the Shulchan Aruch. So here I was, at the best place-the Kotel, at the best time-sunrise, and with a great collection of Jewish souls from around the world. And to top it all off, since it was Vasikin every Minyan starts Shemoneh Esrai at the same time and the entire Kotel would be quiet together.

So I stepped into Shemoneh Esrai anticipating the sweet sound of silence, but unfortunately perfection was not to be found. There was one individual who was davening very loudly well into our Shemoneh Esrai. So there were 300 souls with the opportunity to join in Tefillah at the perfect time at the perfect place, but one person was out of step.

I decided to write three endings to this piece:

1) How does Hashem judge this situation. On the one hand the person was davening to Hashem in sincerity, but at the same time he was disturbing many other people in a situation where total quiet was a possibility.

2) I need to work more on my davening. If I really worked on it, I could daven anywhere without being distracted. Perhaps wanting or needing silence is really a deficiency in my davening.

3) We’re in Golus and even if we’re at the perfect place and the perfect time, it’s our souls that need correcting. That begins with me working on caring about this unknown individual as much before the Shemoneh Esrai as after. He’s a great Yid who made the same journey I did to daven at the perfect place and the perfect time. Even if he was mistaken in this one act, I make plenty of mistakes myself and I hope people judge me favorably.

So at the end of the day, maybe it was better that there was no silence. After all time, place and silence are external and davening is an internal act. And becoming a little more forgiving from this incident is probably more important than finding the perfect Time, Space and Soul at the Kotel.

Originally published here on February 2010

Paying it Forward With Aunt Sadie’s Couch

As you probably know, “pay it forward” refers to repaying a good deed by doing one for someone else. Aunt Sadie’s Couch is a reference to our pews which are described in this post titled The Shul on Shabbos – Weekday Beis Medrash Solution.

Here’s a brief recap. When we moved into our new Shul building in 1998, we had not come to a final decision on whether to have pew style seating or tables. At that time a Shul in Jackson Heights was downsizing and they offered us about 25 heavy wood pews ranging in size from 8′ to 16′. A board member warned it would be like “Aunt Sadie’s hand me down couch” and we would never get rid of them.

Fast forward to 2009 when we purchased a combination of tables and Lavi pews for our men’s section and we were ready to get rid of part of Aunt Sadie’s couch. A new Bucharian Shul in the neighborhood was opening and somehow we connected and they took about 15 pews with the remaining 10 being used in the women’s section.

Fast forward to 2014 when new chairs for the women’s section were purchased. We were finally ready to remove the remainder of Aunt Sadie’s couch. As it turned out the Bucharian Shul was having their own seating discussions and they could not come to a definitive decision to take the remaining pews. Two weeks ago they finally decided to take them and we moved them out of our Shul.

In reality, Aunt Sadie’s couch (the pews) served us well and saved us money at a time when we didn’t have that much. On top of that we were able to pay it forward by giving the pews to the new Bucharian Shul. All those involved felt good that the couch would be getting some more use and was not destined for the dump.

Timing Tefillah

Davening is such an individual matter. Some people will daven their silent Shemoneh Esrai in 2 minutes and others will take 9 minutes or more. Most Shacharis Minyanin are end-time focused so the time for the silent Shemoneh Esrai is somewhat constrained, but at Minchah and Maariv there is a little more leeway.

There are basically three options for choosing Silent Shomoneh Esrai Times at Mincha and Maariv:
– have an official time range
– have an unofficial time range
– have no set times and hope people will wisely use their discretion

I haven’t found many Shuls with an official time range. This is probably because it puts too much pressure on the Baal Tefillah and puts too much power into the hands of the mispallim, to give a “Nu Nu” when the official time expires. The benefits of an official time range is that everybody knows the performance requirements and everybody is on the same page.

Many Shuls have an unofficial time range. The reason this usually works is that the total length of the minyan is generally known and the Baal Tefillah usually keeps within that range. There is some wiggle room if the Baalei Tefillah isn’t aware of the timing or doesn’t meet the performance requirements. The downsides are that there could be a 2-5 minute variation from one day to the next and the Baal Tefillah will sometimes daven fast and wait or daven too slow and have to speed up because they miscalculated.

Some places have no set rules. In fact one place I know of explicitly states that it is a slow davening minyan, although exactly what that means is not defined. These places are an oasis for slow davening Baalei Tefillah, but can be difficult for the mispallim. I remember a 26 minute Mincha, which is considerably longer than the slow and respectable 15-18 minute minyan that we usually find there.

An additional problem can arise when the Rabbi of the Shul is davening. In some places, it is a common etiquette to wait for the Rabbi to finish their Shemoneh Esrai and then to start the repetition (or the Kaddish at Maariv) when he steps back (if there are enough people finished). In those situations, the Baal Tefillah can daven their silent Shemoneh Esrai on the fast side, so as not to be caught flat-footed. However if one wants to make every Tefillah count, then that’s not always a great alternative. Perhaps a minimum time for the silent Shemoneh Esrai would make sense in these situation, but I haven’t seen it enacted yet.

Some people sigh when they read a post about Timing Tefillah, but our service to Hashem and our consideration for others often intersects at a place called Shul Politics.

Addressing the Needs of the Young Marrieds

It’s a story that you hear repeatedly. Back in the day if you came 5 minutes after davening started, you couldn’t get a seat in the 400+ main minyan. But now it’s less than half full and the young marrieds minyan is just as big, but they don’t want to daven in the main minyan.

Many of the young marrieds grew up in the main minyan and it didn’t excite them.Now they want a minyan:
– that’s about 2 hours from start to finish
– has a very short or possibly no drasha
– has no misheberachs
– has no announcements (or they’re very short)
– has a kiddush after davening
– is filled with their friends
– is a place where they set the rules

It’s not really an unreasonable request list. And there are many minyanim in the larger community that fill this bill. Unfortunately, when meeting these demands, many Shuls can no longer fill their large main minyanim.

One solution to this is to find a dynamic Rabbi or assistant Rabbi, steeped in Torah knowledge, who understands the trials and tribulation of the younger generation. This Rabbi also has the capacity to pasken, teach, guide or inspire. It’s not an easy find, especially given that many Shuls have serious financial pressures facing them due to the decreasing membership.

Another solution is to create an environment from which the younger generation will want to belong, because of the clear benefits. This can take the form of a Growth Culture Shul.

Another possibility is a new model called a Chesed Culture, where many of the Shul members (not just a selected few) are regularly having others for meals, helping each other with jobs, shidduchim, housing, chinuch issues and the little things like plumbers, electricians, babysitters, etc.

An architectural solution would involved restructuring the Shul to handle a number of smaller minyanim. In many cases this would not be possible due to structural or financial concerns.

Unfortunately it seems that many large Shuls in this situation are working on returning back to the days of yore. I think this is very unlikely and the boards of these Shuls need to address the concerns of the next generation. Looking forward instead of back is the direction in which the next steps need to be made.