September 2019 - Shul Politics

Shul Slights and The Bigger Picture

The Talmud [Rosh Hashana 17A] teaches that one who is “ma’aveer ol midosov” (willing to overlook it when he’s been wronged) has his transgressions overlooked. Rashi there explains that the Attribute of Justice doesn’t scrutinize such people or their actions. The ‘mirror in the sky’ reflects onto us the way that we treat others. (Translation from Torah.org)

We create our own spiritual reality by our thoughts, speech and actions as the above Talmudic passage highlights. Part of that spiritual reality is determined by our willingness to look at a bigger picture. Jewish issues such as judging people favorable, giving the benefit of the doubt, and not taking revenge are partly based on seeing a bigger picture.

An example of this was brought home to me recently. A member, who probably didn’t read the The Stress of Yomim Noraim Seating post was complaining about a small seat price anomaly that was effecting his family. Although I wasn’t personally involved in the pricing, I tried to explain that it was rooted in a larger goal of keeping our base membership price very low for a Shul with our breadth of services.

Shul administrations have to take the entire memberships needs into account, whether that involves fees, davening length, or air conditioning settings. They’re forced to look at a bigger picture and usually some trade-offs are involved and some members may feel slighted even though that’s not the intent. Rosh Hoshana is a good time to look at these issues from a wider perspective so we will merit to have Hashem look at our mistakes and deficiencies from a wider perspective.

Getting Lost in My Seat

On one hand it’s inspiring that so many of us want a specific seat for Rosh Hoshana. Assumably, it’s because we want to pray like there’s no tomorrow on the Yom HaDin. To achieve that we need our regular seat, or the seat we sat in last year. It makes sense to want to maximimze our prayer in the optimal seat.

When my kids were younger, we used to go away for Rosh Hoshana. I remember how we would get to the hotel early and I would head straight for the Shul, scouting out a good seat. Not too close. Not too far. Away from the traffic flow. But not too far that it’s hard to get out. When my optimization algorithm stopped spinning, I would place my talis and seforim and mark my seat. Did it really matter? If I didn’t do some prep work beforehand, would my Kavanna be better because of the seat? Probably not.

When you daven in your own Shul, a different consideration comes it to play. There are many more guests and married children present, so it’s often not possible for everybody to sit in their preferred seat. I remember in the past being asked to change my seat. When I said yes, it was begrudgingly. After all, didn’t I have the first rights to the seat that I had sat in regularly for so many years.

I now see that I made a mistake. If I really wanted to show Hashem that I was getting more serious about my Divine Service, wouldn’t it make sense to give up my own rights, so somebody else could have the seats that they need. Wouldn’t that show Hashem that I was taking a step out of my self-centric world view and concerning myself with the needs of His children. What an amazing step that would be towards a more favorable judgement.

It may be too late for me. Now that I’m on the seating committee, it obligates me to give up my seat if it will help somebody else. So I won’t be able to do complete teshuva and give up my seat because it’s the right thing to do. Hey, maybe you could give up your seat and have me in my mind. It’s just a thought.

The Struggle to Minimize Machlokes

Hashem wants us to achieve some very specific things, one of which is “walking in his ways”. The Ramchal explains, based on Mishna 2.1 in Avos, that our actions should lead to true good, namely, strengthening of Torah and the advancement of friendship. Anything that connects people is good and anything that separates people is bad.

This leads to one of the primary Shul principles, which is minimizing machlokes. I was tested by this on two separate occasions recently where people came with what I call a reasonably unreasonable request. From their perspective it was perfectively reasonable, but from a Shul perspective it was slightly unreasonable. Both of them threatened to go to the Rav to get a Psak in their favor. Although the Rav might bring up an issue with me, he would never issue a Psak overriding an operational decision. However, the Rav’s guidance in many Shul matters often has the minimizing machlokes principle at its root.

My difficult task was to not be offended by their threat to get an overriding Psak. I couldn’t even tell them that the Rav would not override a decision. My job was to try to satisfy their request, with a smile, even if it was slightly unreasonable. I was fairly successful in one situation, probably because it came through email and I resisted the urge to respond until I could resolve it in the person’s favor. In a face to face situation, I was only partially successful, because the audacity of the psak override threat got the best of me.

Hashem wants us to connect. Hashem wants us to be united. This is why minimizing the divisive effects of machlokes is a primary Shul Policy.

One last point to note is that sometimes a decision must be made which will upset someone, creating a slight machlokes. However we must still strive to minimize the occurrence and degree of any machlokes. It’s not always easy because emotions often come into play, but the more we can internalize the principle the better chance we will have of implementing it and fulfilling Hashem’s directive.