Month: June 2021

Appreciating the Difficulties of Showing Appreciation

Showing appreciation can be very difficult. Mrs. Dina Schoonmaker points out that when we show appreciation there is a certain diminishing of the self that occurs, because we are admitting that we needed that which was done. She also quotes Rav Wolbe zt”l who points out that we develop an attitude of “I deserve it” which inhibits expressions of appreciation.

In the case of a Shul, we have an added difficulty because the volunteers deliver their services on a daily or weekly basis. We would have to show our appreciation to a lot of people on a regular basis. It’s not going to happen.

Most people who have been in the Shul service business for an extended period of time don’t expect expressions of appreciation. They might appreciate them, but if they expect them, they are in for a big disappointment. They serve because it’s what Hashem wants and most are happy to have the opportunity to do the Chesed.

However, even if we don’t express the appreciation we should try to think about it on a periodic basis. One of the main goals of Chesed is to create bonds between people and those bonds exist in our hearts and minds. The good people of our Shuls do a lot for us and we can build those bonds of connection by feeling the appreciation in our hearts.

Messages From A Tzedakah Collector

It was a morning like many others, Shacharis at ~6:00 am, followed by Doing-the-Daf and then heading home for a quick breakfast before hitting the keyboard.

As I was leaving, a smiling, familiar face Tzedakah collector was in the lobby, having just left the Yeshiva minyan. I reached into my pocket to hand him some change and he said that he thought I gave him something at the earlier minyan. I told him I was pretty sure that I hadn’t and continued to extend my hand with the change.

He said that he wanted to make sure that I was giving it with a Lev Shalem (a full heart), even if I was mistaken and had already given. It would be a shame to have to come back as a gilgul for some mis-collected small change. Wow! I told him that I was ok with giving again, even if I gave earlier.

As I was walking to my car, the idea of giving with a Lev Shalem really hit me. I have no problem giving Tzedakah to the collectors on a weekly basis and I feel like I have a relationship with many of them. But a Lev Shalem. Could I really say I was consciously giving at that level?

So here’s a task I can work on. It’s a small amount. I don’t mind giving. I’m already giving regularly as per the Rambam. But now I can work on giving with Lev Shalem, with complete committment, with joy. I can’t wait till tomorrow.

Once in a while you get shown the light. In the strangest of places if you look at it right.

The Shul Dinner – Beyond Fundraising

I’ve wrote in the past about “Running a Successful Shul Dinner” (http://www.shulpolitics.com/2013/04/24/running-a-successful-shul-dinner), where I focused on the logistics of the event, such as getting an honoree, picking a venue, encouraging member participation, making the event run smoothly. Most organizations can’t afford to overlook the fund raising aspects of the dinner, but there is another very import function of the dinner and that is bringing the members together for a celebration focused on the Shul.

Shuls fill an important role, and like many things in life we sometimes take them for granted. That’s why it’s important to have a night where the focus is on hakaros hatov towards the Shul, its members, and the functions it provides. Our Rabbi pays tribute to the officers, board, committees and other people that are involved in running the Shul. The honorees and other speakers recognize the critical role the Rabbi plays. Hearing the expression of thanks while sitting with your fellow members builds important bonds between the members and the Shul.

Two steps our Shul has made to increase attendance over the years is to give first year members a nice discount or free pass, and to try to accommodate members who might not attend because of financial considerations. Generally, the committee sets the minimum to cover the food costs. The benefits of having a larger attendance and giving more people an opportunity to build deeper connections with the Shul, outweighs the decrease in revenue that such policies might bring.

In our speech-averse times, it’s rare to have an event where people want to listen to the speeches, but a well attended Shul dinner breaks the mold. People want to feel good about their Shul, so it’s important to work on getting as many people as practical to attend.