August 2021 - Shul Politics

Rosh Hoshanah Baalei Tefillah – Inspiration & Perspiration

Rosh Hoshanah is a day Jews take seriously. However, it’s a long day in Shul and many of us have trouble focusing on the davening for such an extended period. That’s why we turn to the Baalei Tefillah for inspiration. The first problem we face is that what’s inspirational to Shmuel, can sound kvetchy to Reuven. It’s difficult, if not impossible, to find Baalei Tefillah who will please everybody, and it’s impractical to implement a fully democratic selection process

Another issue is that being a Baal Tefillah is not easy. It takes much preparation and perspiration to be at your best for the entire davening. Perhaps Baalei Tefillah insist on choosing their own niggunim in certain parts of the davening for self-inspiration. Our Shul had a particular niggun that we liked, and even though we asked a few different Baalei Tefillah to use it, none of them complied with our request.

The length of the davening creates other tensions. The variance in the time it takes individuals to say Shemoneh Esrai is great, because of its length, and the extra care many people take on the Yomim Noraim. If the Baal Tefillah takes much longer than the average congregant, there can be much down time for individuals as they wait for him to finish. The overall davening time is also important because people have different expectations as to when Mussaf will end.

One suggestion is to state the Shul’s expectations when the Baal Tefillah is first selected/hired. If the expectations are not met, sometimes the Rabbi, Gabbai and Baal Tefillah can get together and agree on a game plan that works for most people. It’s also helpful to let the members know how long the silent Shomoneh Esrai will be so they can set their expectations and davening speed accordingly. Finally, even if there initially are some issues, over the course of the years, people know what to expect from the Baal Tefillah and accept it.

Despite best efforts, the details of the long davening can create some minor tensions. In those situations it’s a good opportunity to judge favorably in the hope that measure for measure, Hashem will give us a favorable judgment.

The Stress of Yomim Noraim Seating

With Rosh Hoshana less than about a month away, you’ve already received your Yomim Noraim seat reservation form or link. And if you’re a typical Shul member, you might drive the seating committee crazy by waiting till the last possible minute to send it in. Let’s take a look at some issues that make Yomim Noraim seating so stressful.

Most people take their Yomim Noraim davening seriously. People want a group of seats that will work for the men and the women in their family. Since all Yomim Noraim seats are usually pre-assigned and most families want to sit together, some people will be moved from their regular seat. The seating committee has to juggle and judiciously decide who will move and who will stay, who will smile and who will complain. In fact one of the most anticipated events of the year is when the seating chart is posted.

Two rules your Shul may want to consider publicly announcing is setting the minimum age for pre-assigned seats (eight or nine might make sense) and that girls under Bat Mitzvah will not be assigned to the choicest seats in the women’s section (usually the first row or rows).

The second issue is cost. Shuls that are member-funded often draw their fees from three main sources: membership dues, a yearly dinner/melava malka/breakfast and Yomin Noraim seats. Because they’re an important revenue source, Yomim Noraim seating charges can be more complicated than the IRS Tax Code. A Shul has to decide the price per member, family discount pricing and the price for guests, married children, grandchildren, non-members, families of non-members and pets (just kidding, most Shuls allow pets in for free). Many Shuls also try to encourage members to pay old obligations during the seating process.

You’ll be spending a lot of time in Shul on the Yomim Noraim and your seat is important, but it’s a good time of year to overlook any seating slights, try not to argue about the fees if you’re accurately charged, and get your reservation forms in early, even before the deadline.

Thank Yous and Mazal Tovs

There are two areas where doing a positive act might result in negative consequences. The first it publicly thanking people for services performed for the Shul. The second is publicly wishing people Mazal Tov.

When publicly thanking people from the podium or in the newsletter, there is a risk that you will leave someone out and thereby offend them. This can happen at a Shul dinner, where thank yous for general services may be issued, and after specific events. Many people feel that thank yous are so important that they should be issued, even at the risk of leaving someone out. A way to minimize the danger of offending, is by checking your list of thank yous with one or two people, thereby reducing the risk of leaving someone out.

One small caveat is that some people don’t want to be publicly thanked either because they like to keep their chesed private, or because they feel that they did not make a significant enough of a contribution to warrant a public thank you. Some people make a distinction between publicly announced thank yous and those written in the newsletter, as the sting of being left out is more pronounced when it is in print.

There are many lifecycle events that invoke a Mazal Tov, such as a bris, bar/bat mitzvah, engagement, marriage and birth. Mazal Tovs are strong builders of connection, at both the time they are announced and after Shul, when members come over to the Baal Simcha to wish Mazal Tov.

If there is a kiddush in the shul commemorating the event, then public thank yous are certainly in order. In regards to other events, one possible policy is to only announce events that are submitted to the president or some other officer. The downside of such a policy is that people involved in Simchos are usually busy and may forget to submit their Mazal Tov. The upside of such a policy is that there will be less cause for offense, since the lack of an announcement was the result of a lack of notification.

The other possible policy is to encourage submission of Simchos, but announce those that are known even if they are not submitted. The downside of such a policy is that people might be offended if their Simcha is missed, since other non-submitted Simchos where announced. The upside of such a policy is that more Simchos will be announced, resulting in more good will and connection.

I personally feel that Mazal Tovs and their connection generation is so important that they should be announced whenever they are known. Events that are missed can be announced the next week when they are discovered. If such a policy is adopted, members of the Shul should be encouraged to submit Simchos of which they are aware. A caveat here is that some people may not wish a particular Simcha to be announced, specifically when there is a party involved, like a Bat/Bar Mitzvah, and they don’t want to offend people who were not invited.

Life is complicated and setting policy on Thank Yous and Mazal Tovs should be thought through and discussed.