Category: Communal

Accepting the Unacceptable

It’s a typical Shabbos morning, but since there’s a Simcha there are more guests than normal. After finishing their Shemoneh Esrai, two guests close to you start to converse about politics and continue through most of the repetition. You’re upset at their unacceptable behavior in this normally quiet Shul, but you don’t saying anything because they’re guests.

What if one of the talkers was a very close friend who you respected greatly? The talking behavior would still be incorrect, but it would probably be a little less unacceptable. Maybe on other occasions our own behavior is deemed unacceptable in the eyes of others. Certainly we wouldn’t appreciate their condemnation in such a situation.

We had a case in Shul a few years ago where someone exhibited what was deemed unacceptable behavior by some members. The Rav was asked if the incorrect behavior could be pointed out in a nice way. The Rav replied that unless the corrector was very close to the person, he would probably not accept the correction and therefore it shouldn’t be pointed out.

In the perfect Shul, everybody would behave acceptably all the time. But most Shuls are not perfect. If we want to collectively improve, the first step is to deepen our respect for each other and practice accepting the unacceptable. It is only then can we turn harsh rebuke into warmly received advice and create the better world for which we yearn.

Bein Adam LeChavero Opportunities in Shul

A friend of my friend is now my friend. My friend Menachem Lipkin from Beit Shemesh messaged me about a post-of-interest that his friend David Bar-Cohn had written. It’s an amazing post titled: Shul – The Place for Interpersonal Mitzvot where David lists 74 Bein Adam LeChavero Opportunities in Shul.

I thought the list was amazing. I asked David if I could break it down over a few posts so we would have more time to digest and let the ideas marinate a little longer.

Here’s David’s intro:

People naturally think of shul as being primarily a bein adam lamakom domain (“between a person and God”). But in fact, the opportunities to exercise interpersonal sensitivity in shul are so numerous, so constant, that one could reasonably argue that it’s predominantly a bein adam lechavero experience (“between a person and their fellow”).

And of course, all our ritual religiosity is just pomp and circumstance (Chapter 1 of Yeshayahu/Isaiah actually calls it “abomination”) when that religious behavior isn’t built on a foundation of human decency and sensitivity.

With that in mind, here’s just (the first 20 of) a partial list of bein adam lechavero opportunities in shul:

1. Not going to shul if you’re sick or contagious, or if you must, keeping a distance from people.

2. Covering your mouth when you sneeze or cough, washing hands after blowing your nose – even if you’re not sick.

3. Brushing teeth and using deodorant so as not to make it unpleasant for fellow shul-goers.

4. Helping at home before leaving for shul – getting the kids ready, cleaning up, etc.

5. Coming with your own siddur or chumash if you know the shul is usually short.

6. Getting to shul on time if you know someone needs to say kaddish and they might be short on people.

7. Helping set up the shul for davening.

8. Making sure the women’s section is set up properly, comfortably.

9. Making sure the temperature is set correctly so people aren’t uncomfortable.

10. Asking whether a seat is someone’s makom kevua (set seat).

11. Not being angry at or embarrassing someone who sits in your makom kevua.

12. Not taking up more seats or space than necessary with your things.

13. Not saving seats if the people you’re saving them for aren’t going to arrive reasonably soon and the seats are needed by people already there.

14. Making sure everyone has a seat, especially older people.

15. Offering a seat by a table or a shtender to an older person, so they have somewhere to put down their siddur and other things.

16. Making sure people who need have a siddur and chumash.

17. Extending a greeting (or if you can’t talk, a non-verbal smile or handshake) to the person who sits down next to you, and in general greeting people warmly when they walk in.

18. Introducing yourself to a new face, making them feel welcome, noticed.

19. Helping someone not familiar with the davening find their place in the siddur, and finding them a siddur and chumash with a translation.

20. Being careful not to whack people with your tallis, either when putting it on or while davening with particular fervor.

21. Minimizing the clamor your chair makes when you stand up or sit down.

The Torah of Tisha B’Av

A unique aspect of Tisha B’Av is that you’re not allowed to learn many types of Torah, because learning Torah brings us joy. As the Shulchan Aruch points out: “One may not study Torah on Tisha B’Av except for melancholy passages in Torah texts, the laws of mourning and Tisha B’Av, and works of Musar (S.A.,O.Ĥ. 554:1; Y.O. 2:26).”

The irony of this is that in my Shul, more people pass through the doors to learn Torah on Tisha B’Av then any other day. Between the showings of the Chofetz Chaim Heritage videos, the Rav’s shiur, another live shiur, hundreds of people will pass through the doors of the Shul on this day. How are we to understand this?

First there are some practical factors as to why so many people attend shiurim on Tisha B’Av:
1) most people take the day off
2) there’s not much else to do which is in the spirit of the day
3) going to a shiur takes your mind off the hunger you might feel
4) after a few years, it’s become your routine on Tisha B’Av

From a spiritual perspective, one reason might be that although many of us have trouble actually shedding a tear for the destruction, we know at some level that something is missing in our lives. And we know at some level, that we’re all a part of the problem. It’s one day that many people take some responsibility for the less than perfect state the Jewish people are in. Hearing the mussar oriented shiurim on Tisha B’Av is our praiseworthy attempt at trying to do something about. On this day we’re all open to our faults and we’re ready to take a corrective step in the right direction.

The second reason is perhaps the spiritual power of communal Torah learning. The two primary communal spiritual activities are prayer and learning Torah. The power is so great that these spiritual activities are two that many of us can actually feel. When we’re most receptive to spiritual progress, like the Yomin Noraim and Tisha B’Av and we combine that with a communal spiritual activity like learning Torah, the overflowing of our Shuls on Tisha B’Av is understandable.

May we all grow from the tremendous power of the day and may our communal efforts lead us to an environment of even greater spiritual opportunities.

Appreciating the Difficulties of Showing Appreciation

Showing appreciation can be very difficult. Mrs. Dina Schoonmaker points out that when we show appreciation there is a certain diminishing of the self that occurs, because we are admitting that we needed that which was done. She also quotes Rav Wolbe zt”l who points out that we develop an attitude of “I deserve it” which inhibits expressions of appreciation.

In the case of a Shul, we have an added difficulty because the volunteers deliver their services on a daily or weekly basis. We would have to show our appreciation to a lot of people on a regular basis. It’s not going to happen.

Most people who have been in the Shul service business for an extended period of time don’t expect expressions of appreciation. They might appreciate them, but if they expect them, they are in for a big disappointment. They serve because it’s what Hashem wants and most are happy to have the opportunity to do the Chesed.

However, even if we don’t express the appreciation we should try to think about it on a periodic basis. One of the main goals of Chesed is to create bonds between people and those bonds exist in our hearts and minds. The good people of our Shuls do a lot for us and we can build those bonds of connection by feeling the appreciation in our hearts.

Covid and The Problem of No-Frills Davening

With the rise of Covid, No-Frills Davening is becoming the norm. No-Frills davening the phenomena where people join and/or attend Shuls on Shabbos for davening alone. What could be wrong with that? Shuls are built as places to daven. To answer this question we have to take a step back to look at the goals of Judaism.

The goals of Judaism are to create three types of connection:
1) the connection of our body and soul
2) a connection to Hashem
3) connections of ourselves with other people

Body and soul connection is achieved by learning and following the Torah’s prescription of how to act, feel and think from a spiritual perspective as we navigate our lives in this physical world. Connection to Hashem is achieved through serving Him via the mitzvos and through prayer. Connection to others is achieved by diminishing and overcoming our self-centered perspective and helping, seeing the good, speaking well of, and giving honor to our fellow Jews.

Although the Shul is a place where we connect to Hashem via prayers, it is also a place where we connect to our fellow Jews. Connecting to people requires us to go beyond the comfort zone of our family and close friends, and dealing with people who are not such close friends, who have different views than us, who might sometimes rub us the wrong way. And it takes work because we have to put aside our self-centeredness to accommodate the perspectives, needs, and personalities of others. Many people don’t enjoy this and therefore seek a no-frills, no-conflict, no-accommodation-required environment. But if we are to grow as individuals and collectively as a community and a people we need to get our hands dirty and constructively deal with these differences and conflicts.

The world is becoming a much more polarized place and as inhabitants we are affected by this division. The Torah gives us the prescription to eliminate polarization and that is through connection. Hashgacha has placed us in Shuls where we have the challenge and opportunity to do the real work of creating connections and a true unity. No-Frills Davening is harmful because it keeps us in our comfort zone and prevents us from creating the connections which are a major component of our purpose in the world. When Covid makes a retreat, we must strive hard to get back to relationship building in our Shuls.

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Confessions of a Shul Covid Politician

Most people cringe at the thought of politics and politicians, but if you wikipedia the word, you will find that politics is the process by which groups of people make collective decisions. The Covid crisis has tested the capabilities of Shul Politicians the world over. So I just wanted to share some challenges we are currently facing. Our particular Shul is a membership organization, with active Officers, a Board of Directors, and a Rabbi who leads and guides us.

Shul politicians want the approval of their members. At the core, that’s our raison d’etre – making our members happy. With regard to Covid, we need to develop constantly changing policies and procedures in response to the changing environment. The process involves trying to arrive at a consensus after discussing the issues with the members, officers, board and Rabbi. In the case of Covid, it’s often hard to reach a complete consensus, but with much input and discussion, it’s possible to develop policies that are safe, in the spirit of the law, and provide members with the services they need and expect.

After the policies are formulated and communicated, Shul Politicians are looking for the cooperation of the members. Cooperation sometimes morphs into compliance, and people sometimes need to be told to cover their nose, keep 6 feet distanced, and to attend a non preferred minyan location. It’s natural for people to focus on their own interests, and the Shul Politician must remember that it’s their job to nudge people into cooperation and compliance when necessary.

The payoff of these efforts for the Shul Politician is that every minyan, especially on Shabbos, is a mini-victory. In our Shul, our members are cooperative and appreciative, and that sweetens the efforts even more. May Hashem give us the continued strength to deal with this situation and bring us quickly to the days of yore, when seating, talking and funding were our primary concerns.

Great Rabbis Understand the Purpose of Shuls

Rabbis around the world are making amazing efforts to keep their shuls safe and functioning. Making multiple minyan. Streamlining the davening. Adhering to covid-safety guidelines. Stressing the importance of davening as a Tzibbur.

That’s because great Rabbis understand the purpose of Shuls. The Ramban explains the purpose in his Torah Commentary at the end of Parsha Bo:

“When one does a simple mitzvah like mezuzah and thinks about its importance, he has already acknowledged G-d’s creation of the world, G-d’s knowledge and supervision of the world’s affairs, the truth of prophecy and all the foundations of Torah. In addition he has acknowledged G-d’s kindness towards those that perform His will, for He took us from bondage to freedom in great honor in the merit of our forefathers.

That is why Chazal say, be careful in performing a minor commandment as a major one, for all of them are major and beloved since through them a person is constantly acknowledging his G-d. For the objective of all the commandments is that we should believe in G-d and acknowledge to Him that He created us.

In fact this is the purpose of creation itself, for we have no other explanation of creation. And G-d has no desire, except that man should know and acknowledge the G-d that created him. And the purpose of raising our voices in prayer and the purpose of Shuls and the merit of communal prayer is that people should have a place where they can gather and acknowledge that G-d created them and caused them to be and they can publicize this and declare before Him, “We are your creations”.

A powerful statement. When we gather and daven in Shul we’re directly fulfilling the purpose of creation. Certainly puts things in a clarifying perspective. Thanks to all the Rabbis for all their efforts on our behalf.

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The “Start the Connection” Movement

There have been many worthwhile Shul focused movements that have come out of the Coronavirus: “Stop the Talking”, “Stop the Cell Phones”, and “Stop Talking to Your Friends Before Davening”. They all make sense after all, since nobody wants talking or cell phones going off during Shemoneh Esrai. But maybe after putting our lives on stop for so long, we need a different kind of movement. I’d like to offer an alternative, which I called the “Start the Connection” movement.

“Start the Connection” has two components, connecting to people and connecting to Hashem. When you enter your Shul focus on the fact that you’re here to connect. The first connection is to your fellow daveners. Smile at them. Your mask may cover your mouth, but they will detect the smile in your eyes. And the smile will enhance your connection towards them.

After the smile, ask someone how they’re doing. Or ask them how their day was. Listen to their response. Perhaps ask a follow up question. Feel and show your concern for them. It means a lot to people, especially after the isolation we’ve been experiencing for so many months.

If your minhag is never to talk in Shul, try to catch somebody before they enter. If your Shul is trying to impose new beyond-the-halacha prohibitions, speak to your Rav. Tell him you truly want to deepen your connections to your fellow Jews. Ask him whether the positive commandment of trying to Love Your Fellow Jew might possibly outweigh a newly imposed prohibition. Be prepared to lose this battle, but continue to try increasing your love and connection for your fellow Jew.

The connection to Hashem component has more inherent difficulties. We know our kavanna is probably not where we want it to be, and now the minyan is probably shorter and faster. The key here is to “start” the connection. Start small. During the Shema and during the first Brocha of Shemoneh Esrai, think about Hashem when you say His name. Think that He is the source of all existence, and that He is the master of all.

The “Start the Connection” movement has two simple suggestions: 1) Improving your connection to people when you see them, 2) Improving your connection to Hashem when you say His name. Please join us.

The Avodah of Just Going to Shul

One of the inspirational speakers tells a story about a guy who came to Shul during the week and started to shmooze before he put on his tallis and tefillin. He continued to shmooze with a few different people, and the minyan ended, and he left with everyone. He forgot that he didn’t even daven. It sounds like a crazy story, but I can remember times that I came to Shul preoccupied with a problem. It was difficult to push the problem out of my mind, and what I did during that minyan might just barely be classified as davening.

It sounds incriminating, but if you think about it, just going to Shul is a part of the Avodah. When we had the Beis HaMikdash, men made Aliyas HaRegel and had to journey to the Temple. It was a big thing to just make the journey, and in our times, people who go to Shul regularly are also doing a big thing. Of course it’s important to daven, but we shouldn’t neglect the avodah of just going to Shul.

Now we have been cut off from that aspect of our Avodah and it’s difficult for us. We are longing just to make the journey to Shul. The thought of the power of the journey might be a good one to keep in mind, because when the Shuls open it’s going to be a very different experience, based on the guidelines that have come out. Even on Shabbos, we can expect quick, small, staggered, no-frills minyanim, with a streamlined leining for a total time of less than an hour.

So when any minyan reopens, no matter what its format, savor every step, as we will, G-d willing, once again have the avodah of just going to Shul.

The Shul Zoom Boom

It’s been a long haul for us Shul lovers. But we’re making the best out of difficult situation, thanks in part to technology, and particularly Zoom.

Our first use of Zoom was for online Kiddushim. A small group of us joins a Zoom meeting before Shabbos and we share a L’chaim, some words of Torah, and a discussion of the issues of the day. It’s usually about 20 minutes long. It’s not the same as a Shabbos Kiddush, but we look forward to it and it keeps us connected on a weekly basis.

We’ve also had a few Zoom life cycle events. We’ve had a vort, a wedding, and unfortunately there have been levayas and shiva visits. Of course it’s not the same as the in-person equivalents, but it does enable a degree of connect to the baal simcha or aveilah.

Another use of Zoom is for our daily Shacharis minyan. Someone davens, saying every brocha and the beginning and ending of every paragraph out loud. There are no Devarim Shel Kedusha as it is not a halachic minyan. We pace it consistently and many people have found it very helpful for their Kavana.

This cycle of the Daf Yomi has seen two major changes. More people in our Shul are learning the Daf and the OU Daf app (https://alldaf.org/) has been a tremendous additional asset. All of our Shul Daf Yomi shiurim are functioning on Zoom. Despite the availability of the OU Daf resources, people like their shiur leaders and their chaburas, and continue to attend them on Zoom. We’ve also continued all our weekly shiurim, given by members of our shul via Zoom.

Perhaps the most impactful use of Zoom has been our Rav’s online Zoom shiurim. He gives shiurim from Sunday to Thursday at 7:30 p.m. for about 30 minutes. We get very nice attendance and it’s a real chizuk to see many fellow members on a regular basis. At the end of the shiur we unmute everybody and we shmoose for a few minutes with the Rav greeting everybody in attendance. It’s a great experience and I wonder how we’ll use Zoom to supplement the live shiurim when we return.

We anxiously await returning to Shul, but we’re thankful that Hashem has provided us with the Zoom refuah in the face of our quarantine machala.

Why Your Shul Should “Do the Daf”

Although the primary purpose of Shuls is a place of prayer, opportunities for learning and chesed should be constantly sought after. The most widely implemented program in the learning play book is Daf Yomi or “Doing the Daf” as it’s known in common parlance.

The two major benefits of Daf Yomi are:
1) It creates an obligation to learn Gemora everyday. As we all know – the Daf waits for no man.
2) It creates a chevra Shas. A group of people who are bound by their common pursuit of learning Gemora.

It’s a very good idea for your Shul to provide a Daf Yomi shiur. The common objections to this suggestion are:
a) We don’t have anybody to give it
b) People won’t come
c) Daf Yomi is too fast

With the advent of Art Scroll a person can spend about 60-90 minutes preparing a decent Daf. Certainly there are higher levels of preparation and higher level shiurim, but giving an Art Scroll based Daf will allow you to achieve the two major benefits described above. To encourage someone to undertake that task, tell them that spending the time to prepare and give the shiur will provide them with tremendous benefits. It’s common knowledge that the giver of the Daf benefits a magnitude greater than the receivers.

Beginnings are hard, and beginning a Daf Yomi is no different. The minimum about of people required is 2, one to give and one to be on the receiving end. Find those two people and in time it will grow. Even if it doesn’t, the two people learning will benefit greatly.

Many people complain about the amount of material that has to be covered in the 45-60 minutes usually allocated to the Daf. And they are right. It’s a lot of material for that amount of time. But the reality is that the Daf has reached the tipping point and it is currently the standard bearer of Gemora learning. That doesn’t mean you can’t give other types of shiurim, but the Daf should be a standard in your Shul. The 100,000 – 300,000 people who celebrated at the completion of the last cycle have spoken.

One last point is that you should make a siyum after each Masechta. It helps people recognize their accomplishment and it provides a social venue to celebrate the learning of Torah. You need a minyan to say the Kaddish, but you don’t need a minyan to make a celebrate with a siyum. We need encouragement for the good things we do and a siyum is a great opportunity.

Mazal Tov to all those who just finished the cycle. For those who are still on the sidelines, it’s not too late to join in for Berachos.

The Joy and Splendor of our Shuls During Hallel on Succos

As a result of writing these posts over the years, friends will sometimes come over to discuss a Shul Politics moment or topic. The topic often highlights the innate tension between the needs and rights of the individual and the needs and rights of the many. However, it has also helped me focus on the times when the Shul is hitting on all cylinders and comes together in a great spiritual moment. Hallel on Succos is one of those amazing occasions.

It starts towards the end of Shemoneh Esrai of Shacharis when the rustling begins and the members begin to gather their lulavim and esrogim. Then comes the announcement reminding everybody that we will wave the lulavim together in accordance with our Shul’s Ashkenazic custom. This is followed by a short break giving those who haven’t yet done so, the opportunity to say the brocha over the daled minim.

Hallel begins and everybody is reciting Hallel and holding their daled minim at attention. The chazzan for the occasion is usually more melodically talented and uses the occasion for more singing. Then towards the end of Hallel comes the recitation of Hodu and Ana along with the waving. Looking around, you can see that everybody is totally involved in the moment as we acknowledge our dependency on Hashem and we ask for his outright help and assistance in our endeavors. It’s a magnificent moment.

The Ramban at the end of Parsha Bo, states:
“For the objective of all the commandments is that we should believe in G-d and acknowledge to Him that He created us.

In fact this is the purpose of creation itself, for we have no other explanation of creation. And G-d has no desire, except that man should know and acknowledge the G-d that created him. And the purpose of raising our voices in prayer and the purpose of Shuls and the merit of communal prayer is that people should have a place where they can gather and acknowledge that G-d created them and caused them to be and they can publicize this and declare before Him, “We are your creations”.

On Succos all the work we put into our well functioning Shuls achieves its purpose as we collectively sing, praise and wave in acknowledgement that we are Hashem’s creations and we look to Him for success in everything we do.

Chag Someach!

The Struggle to Minimize Machlokes

Hashem wants us to achieve some very specific things, one of which is “walking in his ways”. The Ramchal explains, based on Mishna 2.1 in Avos, that our actions should lead to true good, namely, strengthening of Torah and the advancement of friendship. Anything that connects people is good and anything that separates people is bad.

This leads to one of the primary Shul principles, which is minimizing machlokes. I was tested by this on two separate occasions recently where people came with what I call a reasonably unreasonable request. From their perspective it was perfectively reasonable, but from a Shul perspective it was slightly unreasonable. Both of them threatened to go to the Rav to get a Psak in their favor. Although the Rav might bring up an issue with me, he would never issue a Psak overriding an operational decision. However, the Rav’s guidance in many Shul matters often has the minimizing machlokes principle at its root.

My difficult task was to not be offended by their threat to get an overriding Psak. I couldn’t even tell them that the Rav would not override a decision. My job was to try to satisfy their request, with a smile, even if it was slightly unreasonable. I was fairly successful in one situation, probably because it came through email and I resisted the urge to respond until I could resolve it in the person’s favor. In a face to face situation, I was only partially successful, because the audacity of the psak override threat got the best of me.

Hashem wants us to connect. Hashem wants us to be united. This is why minimizing the divisive effects of machlokes is a primary Shul Policy.

One last point to note is that sometimes a decision must be made which will upset someone, creating a slight machlokes. However we must still strive to minimize the occurrence and degree of any machlokes. It’s not always easy because emotions often come into play, but the more we can internalize the principle the better chance we will have of implementing it and fulfilling Hashem’s directive.

A Closer Look at the Hashkama Minyan

The conventional rap on the Hashkama Minyan is that it’s a utilitarian minyan for those who want their davening fast and early. Another objection is that the participants are less connected to the Rabbi and the Shul than those who daven at the main minyan. Although these may be valid points, let’s take a closer look.

I was in Lawrence about a year ago and my host davened at the Hashkama Minyan. There were both men and women present. It was a reasonable pace, followed by a generous hot kiddush. After that, there was a 30 minute shiur by one of the prominent Baalei Machshava of the area. It was a fantastic Shabbos morning experience and I would be hard pressed to resist making it my mainstay if I lived in the area.

The Hashkama Minyan in my shul is missing the kiddush and the shiur, but it is structured to overcome some of the potential deficiencies. The davening is a reasonable pace, but time is saved by running the service efficiently. There is a weekly Dvar Torah giving by one of the participants and on occasion by our Rabbi. And due to the efforts of the Gabbai, who was recently honored at our Shul Dinner, there is a sense of community among the mispallim. I daven there about once a month, and I find it a very positive experience.

Like most things in the Jewish Community, Hashkama Minyanim are what you make them. If you throttle the speed, mix in some Torah, and infuse a sense of Tzibbur, the value of the Hashkama Minyan increases greatly.

Shul Unity Opportunities on Purim

The mitzvos of Purim are designed to promote achdus among Jews. Here are three ways to take advantage of this at your Shul.

Megillah Reading
In some Shuls, more men, women and children are in Shul at the night time Megillah reading then any other day. It’s a wonderful opportunity to publicize the miracle of Hashem’s hand in history with your friends. Our Shul has a small gathering afterwords with food and music to enhance the night even more.

Shaloch Manos
We don’t often send gifts to our friends, so availing ourselves of that opportunity is welcome. Try not to get overwhelmed with sending too much to too many people so that you can focus on the connection that sending and receiving gifts creates. Our Shul runs a Shul Shaloch Manos programs so people can give to more Shul members with greater ease and lower cost.

Purim Seudah
In many smaller Shuls, a collective Purim Seudah is held. The few times that I attended one, it was a lively and simchah filled event. If your Shuls doesn’t have a collective Seudah, it’s a great opportunity to share good food and good beverages with a smaller group of friends.

Purim is a great day to be a Jew and a part of a Jewish community. It’s a day that we can get a little closer to our friends and thank Hashem for the growth opportunities he gives us.

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A Shul Dinner Primer

A Shul Dinner is a wonderful event. The members get together for a wonderful evening together; the Shul is celebrated and strengthened; the service of the honorees is recognized. However it takes a lot of work, and if not for its primary fundraising role, it would probably not be undertaken.

As we’ve discussed previously in the “Back of the Napkin Cost to Run a Shul”, even a small 50 member family Shul in a rented space and a part-time Rabbi, can easily cost $75,000 a year or about $1,500 per family. You can’t charge $1,500 per family for membership in a small Shul, so you charge a few hundred for membership, a few hundred for Yomim Noraim seats, hope to raise a few hundred per family at a dinner, and sweat to make up the rest of the budget. The dinner is the key event around which fundraising can take place. Let’s look at four major processes: getting an honoree, picking a venue, encouraging member participation, making the event run smoothly.

Getting members to agree to be honored is not simple. For a small shul of 100 or less active members, getting one couple (or individual) to be honored is fine. In our Shul’s earlier years we would honor 2 couples, but as the years passed we ran short of willing participants, so we usually honor 1 couple now. If we would have had the foresight, we would have honored 1 couple from the beginning.
Some primary reasons people refuse to be honored are:
1) they don’t want to make the financial commitment it implies
2) they don’t want to bother their friends and families
3) they don’t want of feel they deserve the honor
If you set reasonable fundraising goals, you can often overcome objections 1) and 2) by insisting that a big donation or invite list is not expected. Objection 3) sometimes requires the Rabbi to pay a special visit to teach the members about the merit received for accepting the honor for the benefit of the Shul.

After the honorees, comes the venue. Find a few dates that work for the honorees and that don’t present any obvious community conflicts. Call the local halls first, because the less travelling required the better, and it’s always good to do business in your local community where possible. In Queens and Long Island, you can expect to spend between $40 and $60 per person for the caterer and the hall. If you’re a good negotiator, and are willing to tone down the menu, you might bring it home between $30 and $40 per person. Make sure it’s respectable, since you’re asking you members to shell out a few hundred per person, and it’s a let down if they’re served a tired piece of chicken, with some overcooked greasy vegetables.

Next is to decide the participation levels for your journal. Set the dinner attendance cost within the reach of most members, and set the other levels from there. Get a local printer to print your invitations. When putting together your invite list, remember people generally don’t attend or contribute to other Shul’s dinners, so save yourself some postage and printing cost and invite those likely to contribute. Don’t skip the journal, as it’s a nice touch for the honorees, and it helps you to raise more money with the different journal page rates.

After the invitations go out, comes the ad deadline game. It’s no secret that Jews run a little late when it comes to deadlines, so a liberal amount of Shul announcements and email reminders are usually necessary. Calling members who have not responded is a very wise idea, since people are more likely to respond to a call then to other forms of solicitation. In our Shul we encourage all new members to come, sometimes by reducing their contribution to just cover the catering costs.

Lastly comes the event itself. The goal is to make it respectable for the honorees, enjoyable for the members, build connection to the Shul, all within a reasonable elapsed time. Reasonable timings are 60 minutes for the shmorg or hors d’oeuvres, 60 minutes for the main meal and program, 20 minutes for desert. Throw in a mincha and/or a maariv and some transition time, and your talking 3 hours total. Although in a certain sense, the speeches are the most important part of the dinner, people today seem to have trouble sitting through them. Generally the dinner chairman, the Rabbi, the president, an introduction for the honorees, and the honorees themselves should speak. Inform all parties of the target time for their speech.

You can see there’s a lot of steps, so you need a competent dinner committee, consisting of a dinner chair, a journal chair, and a few other people helping with the planning and execution. It’s helpful if you can get some the same people from year to year, because there’s a lot of knowledge that is gained each time a dinner is run. It’s a great event and with some proper planning it can be even better!

Mishkan, Mikdash, Shul

In the Strive for Truth essay named “Mishkan and Mikdash” Rabbi Dessler points out that the Tabernacle is sometimes called Sanctuary (Mikdash) and sometimes called Dwelling Place (Mishkan). A Mikdash is a place of holiness where we recognize Hashem’s awesomeness and try to transcend our lower level to reach out to Hashem. A Mishkan is a place where Hashem rests His presence amongst us despite our relative lowliness because He knows we can lift ourselves up.

Our Shuls contain elements of both. When we start to pray Shemoneh Esrai, we strive to make Hashem’s presence so real, as if we were talking to a person. We need to feel the Mishkan. In the prayer itself we reach up to connect to Hashem in our minds and in our hearts. We can see the interplay between the two: the more we feel Hashem’s presence, the easier we can connect, and the more we connect, the more we feel Hashem’s presence.

From a practical point of view, we all need to work on our davening. Feeling Hashem’s presence is a challenge which needs real efforts to improve. Focusing on our prayers is another challenge. If we take a few seconds before starting Shomoneh Esrai to mentally acknowledge that we are standing before Hashem, we can at least start the first brocha with some of the required focus.

Our Sages instituted praying with a minyan to help us connect to Hashem. When we each work on trying to connect to Hashem through prayer our collective efforts make the Shul more of a place where Hashem’s presence can be felt. May we all merit success in our individual prayer efforts so we can turn our Shuls into the best Mishkans and Mikdashes they can be.

The Darkness Reveals the Light

It was a typical Friday morning. I stopped by Wassermans supermarket at about 8:30 am to pick up a few things for Shabbos. I didn’t paying enough attention to the Con Ed truck and the police cars parked at a nearby Shul.

I went home at about 9:30 and my son-in-law and grandson knocked on the door and proceeded to tell me about the fire coming out of the manhole right near our Shul. Our Shul also houses the Gan that my grandson attends. My son-in-law explained that a fire travelled from a manhole near the Con Ed truck to our Shul. All the children from the Gan were evacuated in a safe and orderly fashion as the Shul lost all power.

At about 10:15 I got a call requesting that an email go out to our members explaining the situation. We we’re not going to get power back until at least Shabbos. Some building committee members and the Rabbi laid out a plan of action. Here is the email:
—————————————————————-
There is currently a power outage in the Shul due to an Underground Fire. Con Edison is not sure exactly when power will be restored.

– The Gan classes have been dismissed.
– The 12:25 Early Mincha today is cancelled.
– We hope to have emergency lighting in the Men’s section for Mincha/Maariv tonight.
– There will be no Youth Groups tomorrow.
– We are planning on having Shacharis tomorrow, possibly with only natural light.
– We will be sending an update later (I”YH) regarding the scheduled Melava Malka and the MS Learning.

Please say a Kapitel Tehillim (121, 130) for the continued protection of the Shul and its inhabitants.
—————————————————————-

A few trips were made to Home Depot by our call-to-duty members. Shabbos Services under battery operated lights was a nice experience. The Rav’s Friday night Dvar halacha was appropriately about the permissibility to move the battery operated lights and to have a non-jew remove the batteries after services.

Shacharis and Mussaf under natural lights went well and we were even able to have the Hashkama minyan in the basement Social Hall with the assist of some battery operated lights. When we got back for Mincha the lights were restored and we had Shalosh Seudos in the Social Hall and the full Moatzae Shabbos schedule took place in the Shul.

There were many things to be thankful for as a result of this incident:
1) We were able to have Full Shabbos Services without any electricity for most of Shabbos.
2) We have a number of members, and our Rabbi, who are ready and willing to do whatever is necessary to insure the proper functioning of the Shul.
3) The Shul was built with much natural light which was of great avail for Shabbos day services.
4) Con Edison works quite hard in our five boroughs to restore power in emergency situations.

It’s easy to take electricity and the functioning of Shul Service for granted. Sometimes Hashem throws a curve ball so we can appreciate everything that goes into making davening happen day in and day out.

A Call for More Rabbinic Collaboration

There are five groups in community affairs in America. In approximate order of their influence, they are:
1) Those most learned in Torah, such as the the heads of the Yeshiva Gedolahs and the Poskim
2) The Principals and Rebbeim of our Torah Institutions
3) The Communal Rabbis of our Shuls
4) The Active Community members who contribute their time and financial resource
5) The Majority of People who live in the communities.

Due to the phenomenal growth of Torah learning in America, the first two groups cited above have had growing influence in our communities. This is good and appropriate, but a side effect is that group 3), Communal Rabbis, have had a decreasing community wide influence. Another reason for the decreasing Rabbinic influence is the lack of a Rabbinic Organization which includes Rabbis from the right wing of our community.

The Rabbis are the ones who the people talk to, and they are most aware of the needs of the community. They are the ones who have worked with their members year after year and have formed the tight bonds. They are on the front lines, with their ears to the street, and the entire community would benefit greatly from a stronger Rabbinic influence.

I’m just an active community member, with a small voice, but I think we need to create a Rabbinic organization, or other vehicle, where the Rabbis can share and discuss the issues our communities face. Sharing communal issues and discussing possible solutions would greatly benefit the vast majority, who need more advice and guidance on the increasingly complex world we live in.

Mechanchim have Torah UMesorah and RAVSAK. Kiruv professionals have AJOP. Lay leaders have the OU and Agudah Conventions. Let’s give our Rabbis a vehicle where they can collaborate. We’ll all benefit greatly.

The Phones of Yom Kippur

You don’t normally hear a phone go off during davening Shul. Yet here it was, Erev Yom Kippur, the last mincha of the year, the first viduy of the day, and five different phones rang, some of them more than once. After the fifth phone went off, one of those davening let out a big “Nu?!?”. What lessons were to be learned?

The first lesson is that we should consider turning off our phones as a preparation for davening. Disturbing others during davening is a big halachic no-no, and a ringing phone is one of the bigger disturbances. It was pointed out that perhaps many people don’t turn off their phones, but since they don’t get many calls, they usually get away with it. Erev Yom Kippur is a big time for phone calls, so these people got caught with their phones down. Hopefully we’ll all be careful with turning off our phones in the future.

The fact that a few of the phones rang twice, shows that some people just hit the reject call button, instead of turning off their ringer. We asked our Rav and he ruled that if a person is not sure whether he turned his phone off, he should take it out and turn it off in between brochos.

I asked a friend what he thought could be learned from this incident and he said we need to chill out when a phone accidentally goes off and not embarass the already embarassed davener with a “Nu?!?”.

We think of our phones as our personal devices, but there’s a lot of person to person considerations in our use and misuse of them during davening.

The Primary Shul Policy – Minimizing Machlokes

As we’ve discussed in the past, Hashem wants us to achieve some very specific things, one of which is “walking in his ways”. The Ramchal explains, based on Mishna 2.1 in Avos, that our actions should lead to true good, namely, strengthening of Torah and the advancement of friendship. Anything that connects people is good and anything that separates people is bad.

This leads to the primary Shul policy, which is minimizing machlokes.

The minimizing machlokes policy is not obvious or simple. My Rav lives by it and his guidance in Shul matters often has this principle at its root.

I remember an issue many years ago when two people in the Shul were having a disagreement. It was clear that one party was much more in the right. However the other party was significantly upset about the matter, so my marching orders were to try and appease the significantly upset person.

Hashem wants us to connect. Hashem wants us to be unitied. This is why minimizing the divisive effects of machlokes is the primary Shul Principle.

One last point to note is that sometimes an unavoidable decision must be made which will upset someone, creating a slight machlokes. However we must still strive to minimize the occurrence and degree of any machlokes. It’s not always easy because emotions often come into play, but the more we can internalize the principle the better chance we will have of implementing it and fulfilling Hashem’s directive.

The Embattled Mi-Shebeirach

It’s a simple prayer, used in a variety of situations. Its goal is to ask Hashem to pour some more beracha (blessing) on the government, on the soldiers, on the sick, on a family member, or a friend. What could be wrong with that? Yet this wonderful prayer meant to invoke goodness and blessing has been in the center of much discussion.

Let’s focus on the Mi-Shebeirach that an Oleh (one called up to the Torah) can say for others. Here’s the Art Scroll translation:
“The One who blessed our forefathers Avraham, Yitzchak and Yaakov, may he bless (names inserted here), that the (name of the Oleh) will contribute charity on their behalf.”

What could be bad? The Shul can raise a little more money, and some more people become the subject of a request for increase blessing. The problem comes in because it’s an “extra” prayer which lengthens the davening. I’m sure many have witnessed a proud grandparent inserting over 20 names of his children and grandchildren, in which case it can lengthen the davening for a minute or two or more. And because the rest of the congregation is not praying during the Mi-Shebeirach, the talking levels tends to increase which takes away from the Shul’s decorum.

These are real issues. Davening is hard. Different people have different levels of Shul stamina. There is an (often unstated) understanding of how long the Shabbos morning davening will take. Lengthening that time can be considered a breach of that understanding. It’s a classic Shul Politics situation!

In the more time-conscious minyanim, the Oleh Mi-Shebeirachs are eliminated altogether. In Shuls where they are made, it’s the Rabbi and Gabbai’s job to maintain and increase sensitivity towards the decorum level during that time. On a personal level, one can pick up a sefer or perhaps say some of the prayers which where skipped.

One last suggestion is that we can think about what is being said and what we are trying to accomplish with the Mi-Shebeirach. Perhaps then we can transform it from a “grin and bear it” to a “smile and embrace it” situation.

Sweating for Shalom

– I daven in a small Beis Medrash.
– It sometimes reaches the low to mid 70s in the room.
– We have a big a/c unit with a remote control.

– One day it was very warm, and nobody turned the a/c on.
– I offered to be the a/c gabbai.
– The gabbai rishon deputized me.

– On my first day it was warm and the a/c was off.
– Somebody was cold and they had objected to the a/c.
– A discussion ensued about an appropriate a/c policy.

– It seems that the Coldys raise more objections than the Warmys.
– I decided to resign my a/c gabbai position.
– That was the day that I decided to Sweat for Shalom.

Shul Things That Don’t Scale

Scaling is a term popularized in the tech startup world*. The concept is that a small group of about 3 designers and developers create a product and try to get in in the hands of a small group of between 100 to 1000 users. The developers iterate a few releases of the product based on user feedback and usage metrics. When they feel that they have a product that users love, they try to scale it to a much large group via sales, marketing, and business development.

For Shuls, scaling would consist of taking an experience that some people find valuable and getting more Shul members to participate. However there are a number Shul things that don’t scale well – and that’s ok.

One example is the small kiddush after davening. A dozen or so people get together around a table over some schnaps and chips. They shmooze for 30 minutes or so, often with a short dvar Torah. Over time deeper connections are built among the members of this group. It works because it’s small and consists of longer uninterrupted conversations with a small group of people. The larger Shul kiddush and Shalosh Seudis is also valuable for conversation and connection, but the intimacy of the small kiddush gives it certain connection advantages.

Another thing that usually doesn’t scale are shiurim. For in-depth shiurim, you need a certain level of knowledge and the desire and ability to focus for 45 minutes or so. A majority of people will not meet these criteria for various reason, but those participating receive a lot of benefit from the in-depth learning. A daily Daf Yomi shiur, which is often supplemented by Art Scroll, and trades-off depth for breadth, will usually not get a Shul majority. People often chose the options of learning with a chavrusa or by themselves. Nevertheless, weekly or daily shiurim are extremely valuable for those that do participate.

A third thing that doesn’t scale is a Shul social event, whether it be a picnic, a Melava Malka, or other special event. People have differing schedules and a specific time will usually not work for a number of people. Secondly, different people have different social appetities and social events are not appealing to all members. But once again, they are very valuable for those who do participate.

I think the takeaway is that although number of participants is an important metric, it is clearly not the only one, and might not even be the most important one.

* In a classic article by one of the most knowledgeable startup investors, Paul Graham suggests that startups Do Things That Don’t Scale

Connection In and Out of Town

The Maharal in his commentary on Avos (6:1) says that happiness flows from completeness, just as grief is the result of loss and deficiency. One of the things that make us feel complete is connecting to the people in a community. I spent last Shabbos out-of-town and the degree of connection among the members was palpable. In an out-of-town shul or community each person’s contribution is needed more, leading to a greater sense of connection. This is a great benefit of an out-of-town community.

Connection and happiness can be improved in any community. Rav Itamar Shwartz, the author of the popular Bilvavi and Da Es seforim, teaches the goal of chesed is to increase our connection to others. There are many opportunities to give in our Shuls, on an institutional or personal level. In my morning minyan, there is a gentleman who moves the talaisim from storage to each person’s seat. This act creates an unbelievable bond between him and the members. We can all look for opportunities to do these acts of chesed, thereby increasing our connection to others.

In addition to acts of kindness, we can also create connections in our minds and hearts. On the flight home, I was on a small 240 seat plane and there were 11 orthodox Jews who all happened to be sitting in the last 3 rows. As we took off I observed several of them saying Tehillim and/or Tefillas HaDerech. At that point I felt a strong connection to a group that was collectively acknowledging our Creator. As the Ramban at the end of Parsha Bo writes “the purpose of raising our voices in prayer and the purpose of Shuls and the merit of communal prayer is that people should have a place where they can gather and acknowledge that G-d created them and caused them to be and they can publicize this and declare before Him, ‘We are your creations’”.

Our purpose in life is to connect to G-d and to connect to other people with our thoughts, emotions and actions. In the process, we increase our happiness and more importantly take a step towards that day when “Hashem will be One and His Name will be One”.

It’s All About The People

A Shul can do everything right operationally, but if they don’t anticipate and prepare for demographic changes and the changes needs of their members and prospective members, their continuity will be threatened. It’s all about the people.

Unfortunately Shuls in many neighborhoods fail to heed that call. I was in a big Shul recently with a dwindling membership. In the main lobby they had a letter poster describing proper conduct in their Shul. It read, “the Shul is not …” and listed many things that the Shul was not. You might in fact agree with every item in the list, but the attitude was quite a turnoff. It’s no surprise that they are not attracting many young members to their main minyan.

A Shul needs to listen and truly understand the needs of their members and prospective members. That is not to say that you necessarily can build a Shul for All Orthodox Jews, or that you can embrace an anything-goes environment. It does mean that if you have a letter posted like that mentioned above, you might want to step back and take a fresh look at where you’ve been, where you are now, and where you should be heading. It’s all about the people!

The Biggest Problem in Judaism

What’s the biggest problem in Judaism. A lot of things come to mind, the Yeshiva System, the Shidduch System, the Chinuch System, the Left, the Right, the Middle, the Open, the Closed, the Leadership, the lack of Leadership, etc.

However, I think the biggest problem in Judaism is clearly stated in the pasuk in Devarim:
And now, Israel, what does Hashem ask of you, that you
1) fear Him, 2) walk in His ways, 3) love Him, 4) serve Him with all your heart and all your soul and 5) observe all the mitzvos.

That’s what’s expected of us!

On top of that we have an animal soul that’s impulsive, loves physical pleasure, and detests exertion. We have a yetzer hara that makes us ego-centric leading to selfishness, anger, envy and honor seeking. And we live in a world loaded with intellectual, emotional and physical distractions like politics, business, sports, shopping, gadgets, social media, and entertainment.

And even when we are able to overcome the physical, emotional and intellectual deterrents and create some connection to Hashem through fear, middos development, love, wholehearted service, and meticulous mitzvos observance – the majority of the payoff will not even be received in this world, but in the world to come.

This challenge is a tall order and it’s not really emphasized to FFB/BT children or FFB/BT adults, because it would just discourage them. So Yeshivos focus on the information and thought development of Torah study, and Kiruv and non-Yeshivish environments offers Torah as the best of all possible lifestyles. So it should be no surprise that many people want to move to a town where they can sit back a little and enjoy the Torah lifestyle.

That is the Biggest Problem in Judaism – a lot is expected of us and it’s really hard given our nature and environment. However, this is a problem that Hashem created. And if He created this problem, we know that He created a solution. We’ll take a look at the solution in a week or so.

Beyond a Better Lifestyle

I’m not happy about my “Making Shabbos Morning Greating Again” post from last week. For starters the term, “halachically permitted discourse between aliyos”, was ambiguous and possibly misleading. To set the record straight the Shulchan Aruch, Rema and Mishna Berurah are pretty clear that you should not talk between aliyos. The Aruch HaShulchan, however, says you can talk about any subject. Our Shul has recently adopted a middle position in which only Divrei Torah are permitted.

The bigger problem is that I fell into a common trap of viewing Judaism as a good lifestyle choice. I like my Shul because it works for me. Great people, a great Rav, short-enough davening, decent kiddushes. There’s nothing inherently wrong with a person enjoying his Shul and his Torah lifestyle. The ways of Torah are pleasant and we should enjoy the lifestyle it presents. The problem is when we view a better lifestyle as the goal of our Judaism.

The goal of Judaism is for us to develop a deep connection with God, and that connection will last for eternity. We create that connection thought learning Torah, doing mitzvos, davening, helping others and improving our middos. God expects a lot because each one of us can reach high levels of connection. To move towards our potential we need to make continual improvement in the above mentioned areas our major focus in life.

When our Rabbi makes a decision to strengthen our halachic observance through some policy, “Not loving it” is a poor response. We should embrace the opportunity to get closer to Hashem through the new practice. Shabbos morning and the other times and places in our life are great for one simple reason, they present us with many opportunities to forge a stronger connection with Hashem. Let’s try to take advantage of these opportunities.

No Frills Davening

I attended the Torah UMesorah Convention recently, which is an amazing gathering of Teachers and Principals seeking to improve the quality of Limudei Kodesh education in our schools. On Shabbos morning the main minyan began at 8:15 AM with a Hashkama minyan at 7:00 AM. More men attended the Hashkama minyan than the main minyan. It could’ve been the earlier ending time, the lack of speeches, the faster davening or the early kiddush which attracted the bigger crowd. An unscientific small sampling said it was a combination of these factors that contributed to the Hashkama preference.

While discussing this with a friend, he mentioned that he also liked a no-frills davening – adding no misheberachs and minimal announcements to the list of potential benefits. I sometimes opt for a no-frills davening and had planned on attending the convention Hashkama minyan, but my alarm failed. I was planning on joining the main minyan for the speeches as I’ve done at past conventions. As it turned out the main minyan davening and speeches were great.

One might assess this as a different strokes for different folks discussion. Shmuel likes no-frills, Yaakov likes full-frills and Reuvain likes some-frills. Thank G-d many communities can support different options. Nothing to see here, move on, move on. However, I think the growing no-frills preference is a problem. Although ending early with a morning Kiddush is a benefit, the avoidance of speeches diminshes the impact of learning Torah B’Rabbim, one of the most powerful spiritual group activities. Not all speeches are created equal, but attendance is minimally a show of respect for the speaker and for Torah. Faster davening is also of questionable benefit, although I recognize that davening is difficult for many Jews.

However, the problem with no frills davening goes beyond a pros-vs-cons balance sheet. G-d willing this will be elaborated on in a week or two.

Increasing Our Love of Our Fellow Jews During the Nine Days

Sitting in the comfort of our communities, we can sometimes lose touch of how seriously the Jewish People are currently being challenged. Marriage law changes are a frontal attack on our deeply held beliefs and the unfathomable strengthening of Iran, one the world’s most active state sponsors of terrorism, threatens the lives of Jews in Israel and around the world.

There are three things we are taught to do in such times. Increase our Torah learning, work on improving our davening, and increasing our chesed and love of our fellow Jews. Our Shuls provide an avenue for all three, but let’s focus on our love our fellow Jews, since that is one of the primary callings during the Nine Days.

One of the most practical pieces of advices I’ve ever heard regarding increasing our love of our fellow Jews comes from Rebbetzin Tzipporah Heller. She advises that whenever we meet or greet somebody, we should ask ourselves two questions: “How can I give to this person?” and “What can I learn from this person?”

Giving is not limited to physical things, it includes advice, showing you care by inquiring about the other’s welfare, and offering words of encouragement. Learning from others includes not just subject-matter information but appreciating insights offered from their unique vantage point.

The more we give and learn from others, the more we will love them and connect to them. In addition to the personal happiness generated from such connections, this also creates the unity that is necessary to fulfill our purpose in this world. The solution to our problems lies not in the hands of the nations of the world, but in the efforts we put in to increase our love, and eradicate any disdain we have for our fellow Jews.

Let us hope that we collectively rise to the occasion, so that we can all merit witnessing the rebuilding of the Beis Hamikdash in our lifetimes.

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Positively Powerful Prayer

I davened my last Shacharis of my aveilis on Wednesday. My 11 months of saying Kaddish is over on Shabbos, and my Rav said that we should not daven from the Amud in the 12th month. Since the minyan where I daven Shacharis does not allow aveilim to daven on Rosh Chodesh, Wednesday was my last one.

The beginning months were difficult, due to my inexperience, the pressure to daven faster and make more mistakes, and the many corrections that were offered. But, as I entered the final month, the mistakes, corrections and time pressures decreased and it gave me the opportunity to appreciate and understand the collective needs of the Tzibbur.

I think the Tzibbur and Gabbaim were a little surprised when I paused before Aleinu on Wednesday, asked for quiet, and gave a 20 second farewell speech. I explained this was my last time at the Amud and I praised the Tzibbur for their strong Amens and responses during Kedusha and Kaddish. I then thanked them for their sensitivity when making corrections. And finally I thanked them for encouraging or tolerating the speed of my davening. I also endorsed a suggestion made by the Gabbai to add two minutes to the beginning of davening for Berachos and Pesukei D’Zimra.

Davening is a very difficult and a very personal endeavor. I think most observant Jews want to improve their davening, but we’re all following different paths to get there. It’s pretty amazing that we actually daven together 3 times a day. Our differences will inevitably lead to conflicts, but reflection leads to an appreciation of the positively powerful prayer of the Tzibbur.

Building a Strong Sisterhood

In Torah Observant Shuls the roles of men and women are different in terms of participation in davening. Specifically the men and women sections are separate and women don’t lead the davening, read from the Torah or take other active roles in the service. Most women come to Shul on Rosh Hoshana, Yom Kippur, Purim, many come on Shabbos and Yom Tov, and very few come to the weekday services. In most Torah Observant Shuls, men are more active in learning activities and in the financial and day to day operations of the Shul. (Note: there is a wide variance in what form this takes depending on the community and the Shul.)

In light of these differences, a Sisterhood, Women’s Auxiliary or Women’s League is often created to address their specific needs and to give them opportunities to plan and run activities important to them. One of the first issues that arises is how the Sisterhood activities are financed. The alternatives are allocating a portion of the Shul budget or running fundraising activities specifically for the Sisterhood. The benefits of fundraising is that it provides autonomy, while the downside is that profitable fundraisers must be identified and implemented.

Another area of interest is what type of activities will the Sisterhood focus on. Much of that depends on what the Shul is already providing. Activities might include shiurim for women, women’s only social events and children’s events. In Shuls where the Sisterhood has formidable fundraising abilities, activities might also include improving areas of the Shul with special concern to women.

One last area is the degree of autonomy. My experience is that a high degree autonomy is preferred with coordination and support from the Shul Administration being provided when needed. If there is a separate significant budget, it is important to define the fiduciary responsibilities and financial procedures of the administration of the Sisterhood.

Paying it Forward With Aunt Sadie’s Couch

As you probably know, “pay it forward” refers to repaying a good deed by doing one for someone else. Aunt Sadie’s Couch is a reference to our pews which are described in this post titled The Shul on Shabbos – Weekday Beis Medrash Solution.

Here’s a brief recap. When we moved into our new Shul building in 1998, we had not come to a final decision on whether to have pew style seating or tables. At that time a Shul in Jackson Heights was downsizing and they offered us about 25 heavy wood pews ranging in size from 8′ to 16′. A board member warned it would be like “Aunt Sadie’s hand me down couch” and we would never get rid of them.

Fast forward to 2009 when we purchased a combination of tables and Lavi pews for our men’s section and we were ready to get rid of part of Aunt Sadie’s couch. A new Bucharian Shul in the neighborhood was opening and somehow we connected and they took about 15 pews with the remaining 10 being used in the women’s section.

Fast forward to 2014 when new chairs for the women’s section were purchased. We were finally ready to remove the remainder of Aunt Sadie’s couch. As it turned out the Bucharian Shul was having their own seating discussions and they could not come to a definitive decision to take the remaining pews. Two weeks ago they finally decided to take them and we moved them out of our Shul.

In reality, Aunt Sadie’s couch (the pews) served us well and saved us money at a time when we didn’t have that much. On top of that we were able to pay it forward by giving the pews to the new Bucharian Shul. All those involved felt good that the couch would be getting some more use and was not destined for the dump.

Improving Our Shul Maps By Choosing Connection Over Estrangement

The father of general semantics, Alford Korzybski stated, “A map is not the territory it represents, but if correct, it has a similar structure to the territory, which accounts for its usefulness”. What this means is that our perception of reality is not reality itself but our own version of it, or our “map”.

This message was brought home last week in a short introductory speech at our Shul’s Simcha Beis HaShoeva. I made a positive statement about the Shul, and a friend questioned that statement. I explained that my statement reflected my experience, and I was sorry that his differed and he didn’t share my positive views regarding this issue.

Later in the week, I re-read a piece that I had seen a number of times by Rabbi Shlomo Wolbe z”tl about connection and estrangement. Here is an excerpt from Sara Yocheved Rigler’s take on the topic:

According to Rabbi Wolbe, there are two parallel universes: the World of Connection and the World of Estrangement. These are two completely separate worlds. The World of Connection is characterized by love, joy, tranquility, optimism, harmony, generosity, faith in God, etc., while the World of Estrangement is characterized by animosity, anger, resentment, anxiety, sadness, criticism, worry, fear, etc. When we are feeling critical, we cannot feel love.

Although a person can flip from one world to the other very quickly, no one can be in both worlds at the same time, just as when looking at a Rubin vase, one can see either the white vase or the two black profiles facing each other, but not both simultaneously. Human beings are neurologically wired so that we cannot see the vase and the profiles at the same time. Human beings are spiritually wired so that we cannot be in the World of Connection and the World of Estrangement at the same time. When we are feeling joy, we cannot feel fear. When we are feeling critical, we cannot feel love. When we are feeling resentful, we cannot feel tranquil.

Making worthwhile changes to a Shul takes time and effort, but we can change our individual Shul experience at each moment by choosing connection over estrangement. We enter the world of estrangement by criticizing, getting angry, speaking loshon hora or judging negatively. However, we can choose to enter the world of connection by giving a smile, giving a hug, giving a compliment, giving emotional support, giving thanks, giving the benefit of the doubt, or forgiving.

This does not mean that we take a Pollyanna position and ignore things that need attention. Nor does it discount the difficulty when we are wronged. But the more we internalize the benefits of choosing connection over estrangement, the more we will improve our experience of both the Shul and its members.

The Chesed Behind Answering Amen

The halachic importance of answering Amen can not be minimized. The folks at Halachipedia compiled a number of sources to inform us:

Chazal viewed the recitation of Amen very highly. In fact, Chazal tell us that responding Amen is of greater significance than reciting the Beracha. The failure to recite Amen is considered a gross transgression, while responding Amen with great concentration opens the gates of Gan Eden.

In addition to the man-to-God aspect in the answering of Amen, I’d like to discuss a man-to-man aspect.

When you’re davening from the Amud, it’s very lonely, except for the imaginary man on your right shoulder telling you to go faster, and the one on your left insisting that you slow down. Unfortunately neither of those voices provides much comfort. But when you hear the Tzibbur collectively answer Amen, you feel that something tangible has been accomplished with your brocha, or with your Kaddish.

This goes beyond the great z’chus for a deceased relative if you’re an Aval. When the Tzibbur answers Amen to each Brocha, we are bringing awareness of Hashem and His presence into the world. And that’s the reason why we we’re davening, in fact that’s the reason we were created. What could be better than that?

One of the wonderful things about my morning minyan of about 30 daveners, is the fact that we have a very high Amen rate. I would say it’s 90% or higher. When you hear that chorus, each brocha takes on a new meaning. You feel transformed from a sometimes-less-than-perfect reader, to a catalyst for collective spiritual growth. And that’s something that can really make your morning.

There’s tremendous power in the Amen. If you haven’t been motivated by the Chazals on the subject, please think about the tremendous chesed your are doing for the Baal Tefillah, as you make it clear that he’s not just today’s daily reader, rather he is a part of an important service to God.

Appreciating the Colors of Your Tzibbur

In his sefer, the Ten Terms for Tefillah, Rav Shimshon Dovid Pinchus zt”l, discusses the virtues of davening with the Tzibbur:

“Some mouths produce pearls in prayer, while other mouths bring out flashes of fire and untold precious jewels. The number of hues that come out from the prayers of Yisrael is endless…In any event, from all of them together is woven and embroidered a magnificent and beautiful crown for the head of G-d, may he be blessed…”

I was thinking along these lines in a different context a few weeks ago when attending a Bar Mitzvah on Shabbos morning at another Shul. It was a great minyan, quiet, serious, with many friends of mine in attendance, a Shul at which I felt very comfortable. It was however missing one crucial ingredient, it was missing the colors of my Shul, that I’ve come to love.

Every person has infinite depth and complexity, but in our guarded society, we often see only the surface-level grey. It’s through our repeated conversations, interactions and yes, conflicts, that we get to see the different colors of each person. I’ll be the first to admit that it can sometimes be exasperating, but when I’m able to take a third person view, I get a glimpse of each person’s unique colors.

Although my focus here is usually on trying to understand and resolve the inherent conflicts in the Shul environment it’s important to step back on a regular basis to observe and celebrate the colors of your Tzibbur.

Are Shuls Democratic?

A reader recently wrote in inquiring about the norms in regards to Shul elections, and if I had any data/research.

I first told him to take a look at some Shul bylaws:

Here is the most relevant paragraph:

1. Each year, after Pesach but before Shavuos, an election meeting shall be held. At least four weeks prior to the election meeting, the President shall appoint a nominating committee of five members and designate a chairman. The nominating committee shall prepare a slate of officers and directors for recommendation to the membership at the election meeting. The committee shall mail the recommended slate to the membership at least two weeks prior to the election meeting. Additional nominations may be made at the election meeting.

It’s also important to understand the different types of Shuls and where the authority lies in each on of them.

Even in what I called Democratic Shuls in that post, there are still centers of power. In general, these centers are involved in the Shul for the long term, and are usually insuring the ongoing financial viability of the Shul. This was covered in a post called the Kitchen Cabinet.

As for data/research, in our neighborhood there are about 35 Shuls that operate on Shabbos.

Of these 35 Shuls, I would estimate that only about 5 even have a president and an elected board. In the other 30, a Rabbi and a Gabbai (or small group of people) watch over the finances and goings on.

In the Shuls which do have elections, they use a process like that described in the bylaws above, but in reality the Kitchen Cabinet probably has much more influence in selecting the slate.

As a whole, Shuls are not so democratic and are driven by the most involved members.

There Will Be Conflicts in Shul – Our Job is to Resolve Them

I was talking to my Rav recently and he pointed out the obvious fact that when 10 people get together there will be conflicts. Most will be small and easily resolvable, but on occasion a bigger one will come our way. People have rights, people have interests and people have opinions and sometimes those rights, interests and opinions lead to machlokes.

When machlokes does occur, it’s important to keep in mind that our goal is to eliminate (or minimize) the machlokes. Our sense of justice leads us in the direction of siding with the party more in the right, but restoring peace is a higher priority than judging the situation.

A second thing to keep in mind is that not all conflicts will be resolved overnight or even in a few days. It’s up to the Shul administration to devise and pursue a strategy to resolve the conflict. If that doesn’t work, it’s time to go to plan B and sometime C, D and E. It can be frustrating and tiring, but the administration must be proactive, and not avoid their obligation to try and restore peace.

One final point that’s worth noting is that Shabbos morning is a poor time to try and resolve a conflict, even though that’s the time when a conflict is most likely to occur. For one thing, there’s not much time given that the davening is proceeding. Secondly it makes the conflict more public and therefore more damaging.

Conflicts in Shul are not fun, but here are three consolations in conflict resolution:
1) There are ample growth opportunities
2) It’s one of our main missions in our man to man relationships
3) The resulting peace and quiet tastes so good

Life in the Fast Lein – Is there a Speed Limit?

Much of Shul Politics revolves around resolving conflicting needs among members. Last week I was one of the conflicted parties, but as it turned out, the resolution lay in my court. Let’s take a look at this week’s issue.

As most of you know, there is a halacha in the Shulchan Orach (Section 285) called Shnayim Mikra V’echad Targum, which requires us to read the weekly parsha twice in Hebrew, and once with a translation or explanation. One is allowed to read the Shenayim Mikra along with the Baal Koreh during Torah reading, word by word, and fulfill one’s obligation. Some say that this is Lechatchila (ideal) (Aruch HaShulchan 285:3), while others hold that this is only for Shas HaDachak (when absolutely necessary).

I usually read along very quietly with the Baal Koreh to fulfill one of my reading obligations. This past week was the parsha of the Tochacha (curses) and there is a custom that the Baal Koreh gets that aliyah and he reads faster than normal. As it happened the very talented Baal Koreh was able to read it so fast, with clarity, that I could not keep up and do my Shanyim Mikra during that long Aliyah. It became clear that this was my problem, and the Baalei Koreh had no obligation to slow it down for my Shanyim Mikra needs.

This week, I asked some friends if there should be a leining speed limit. Some felt that as long as the words were pronounced correctly, with the right trope, there was no speed limit. Others felt that there seemed to be a speed, beyond which the leining was not respectful. Another friend pointed out that since there is an aspect of learning involved in the kriah, it seems a person should be able to process that which he hears, and too fast a speed would make that difficult.

I asked my Rav, and he said there definitely was a speed which was too fast. For one thing, the mispallim (shul members) have to be able to follow the leining. Secondly, the person called up for the Aliyah needs to read along quietly with the Baal Koreh. However, there is no need to slow down for the Shnayim Mikra-niks like myself. As to how fast is too fast, that is a judgment call of the Gabbai and the Rav of the Shul.

The Many Fine Minyanim at Torah Mesorah

I spent this past Shabbos at the Torah Mesorah convention and when 1,800 people gather, an estimated 1,000 of them men, you can be sure there will be more than one minyan. In fact from Friday morning through Sunday morning there were almost continuous minyanim during prime davening times.

If all things are equal, then davening with the biggest minyan is best, because of the concept of b’rov am hadras melech (“in multitudes there is glorification of the king”). However, things are often not equal and davening in a smaller minyan is an acceptable choice for a given service. At the convention, the main minyanim for the weekday davenings was at slower pace, about 50-60 minutes for Shacharis, so many people opted for one of the smaller minyan which were starting in 2 other locations every 20-30 minutes or so.

On Shabbos morning there were three scheduled minyanim, a Neitz Minyan starting at 5:00 am, a Hashkomah Minyan at 6:45 am and the main minyan at 8:00 am. The main minyan had drashas scheduled before Krias HaTorah by Rabbi Dovid Harris (Queens) and Before Mussaf by Rabbi Malkiel Kotler (Lakewood). Although in previous years, I remember a bigger Neitz Minyan, this year there were only about 15-20 people there. My plan was to go to the Hashkomah, make kiddush, go to the drashas in the main minyan, and learno the Daf in the time snippets between the drashas and before lunch.

The Hashkomah minyan was one of the most distinguished ones I’ve ever davened at, primarily because Rabbi Shmuel Kamentzky (Philadelpia) and Rabbi Malkiel Kotler (Lakewood) davened there. The pace was perfect (for me) not too fast and not too slow. There were about 150-180 people davening. All the Aliyah’s were auctioned off, raising a respectful amount of money. And finally there was a well supplied hot kiddush with good drinks, set up on either end of the large conference room in which we davened.

I was speaking to my Rav about my Hashkomah choice and he said that for a given davening, choosing a minyan because you want to learn more or for convenience is not a problem. However, not davening with the regular Shul minyan on a weekly basis raises some other issues, which we will discuss in a future post.

The Guest Chazzan From The Rear

It was a wonderful Pesach in Shul, nice davening, good learning and a great time to spend with friends and family. The guests provided us will many wonderful Baalei Tefillah and we all benefited from their inspirational davening. Of course people are not perfect and we were provided with some growth opportunities over the course of Yom Tov.

One growth opportunity occurred when one of the guests, who has a fine voice, added some chazzanus flourish to his davening from the rear of the Shul. Shuls do not usually have rules on how loud you can daven or whether there are chazzanus limitations, so no rules were broken here, it just took away from the Baalei Tefillah leading the service. Of course, nobody said anything, although a few people glanced back to check out the identity of the back-of-the-shul Chazzan.

Personally I tried to recall the To Be or Not To Be Annoyed post I had written and worked on getting over this minor disturbance. At the end of the day I was able to enjoy the Chazaras HaShas and the Hallel of the Chazzan. Later that day I was reading a sefer and the author made the point that challenges give us the opportunity to grow, which gives us a little perspective on issues like this.

Shuls aren’t perfect, people aren’t perfect and we’re not perfect, but by dealing properly with challenges and annoyances we move step by tiny step closer to a more perfect existence.

Helping a Mourner Who Is Sitting Shiva – From One Who’s Just Been There

My father passed away last week, after a long bout with prostate cancer, and I got up from Shiva on Wednesday. The Chesed from my Shul and community started immediately as the hospital chaplain is a member of my Shul, the Shomer who watched the body was also a member and one of my neighbors did the Tahara or ritual purification. Although most of us can not fill those roles, here are some other things that friends and Shul members did that gave me tremendous amount of comfort.

Going to the Cemetery
The cemetery is often a distance away, so going there to take part in the burial shows a great level of care and support. Most people don’t make the trip so it gave me tremendous consolation to see that friends took the time to help with the burial and to make a minyan at the cemetery.

Paying a Shiva Visit
I only sat shiva for two days inside my community, because I sat the other days with my mother and sister, so I knew it would be difficult for people to make it. I can truly say that every person that passed through the doors gave me consolation and support and I won’t underestimate that value in the future if I’m hemming and hawing about paying a Shiva visit to someone who is not such a close friend.

Help with the Minyan
Some of the excuses I’ve thought up in the past, when not participating in a shiva minyan include: I have to get out early, they probably don’t need me, and it’s harder for me to daven in a Shiva house. They might all be true, but from the mourner’s perspective the added stress of waiting for the 10th man to arrive is hard in these circumstances. If there is anyway to make it to the shiva minyan in the future, I’ll try to do it and I’ll keep in mind that being on time is a helpful element here.

Cutting Slack with the Davening
I’m sure I’m not the only one who hasn’t led the davening very often and is then faced with leading it on a regular basis. It was very helpful that those who davened with me tolerated my nervousness, mispronunciations and sometime slurring of the words. I’m told I’m improving and it really is meaningful that my fellow friends and daveners are cutting me a lot of slack in this area.

Sitting shiva is a difficult time, and I’m thankful to my friends, shul and community members for being there for me. Most of these are “just show up” mitzvos which require a little time from our schedule to provide a lot of support to the one sitting shiva.

When a “Talking During Leining” Breach is Better Left Untouched

Our Shul is very quiet, but we do allow talking between the Aliyos of the Torah reading. The Torah reading itself is usually pin-drop silent, but this past Shabbos we had a very unusual occurrence. Two members, who don’t normally sit next to each other continued talking through the entire seventh aliyah. It was a 7 posuk aliyah, with 2 short pesukim, but it was surprising that this boundary was breached for the entire aliyah.

In discussing it with a friend afterwords, we agreed that only people close by were in a position to give a quiet shush, since as we pointed out previously, loud long distance shushes are often more disturbing then the talking. In this particular case, the people closest to the talkers either didn’t notice it, or didn’t feel that it was their place to give even a quiet shush.

The next question was whether someone should say something to them after the incident. The conclusion we came to was that since these people don’t normally sit next to each other, and talking during leining is so rare in the Shul, it was better to not say anything. The reason for this is that even a gentle rebuke causes some discomfort to the members, and if it is not necessary to fix the situation it is better left unsaid. In general, the goal of rebuke is corrective, not punitive.

It takes some vigilance to keep the Shul at the quiet levels that most members cherish, but an infrequent breach is sometimes better left alone. If the situation occurs again, we’ll have to re-evaluate.

Shalosh Seudos is the New Shul Social

In larger Jewish communities, it seems that Shuls are less of a hub of social activities these days. This might be because people are busier with their work and family lives, there are more entertainment avenues available, or perhaps because people are less comfortable socializing in mixed groups. The Shabbos Kiddush is still a mainstay, but my experience is that many people stay for just a short while, and after the cake and kugle, there’s not too much time left for socialization.

One social activity that does seem to be running at full throttle is Shalosh Seudos. On Shabbos afternoons from Succos to Pesach, after Mincha, the men march down to the social hall to fill the rows of long tables. Although there’s no reserved seating by Shalosh Seudos, many people seem to sit in the same section, comfortably shmoozing with the same group of friends.

Although the food is usually nothing to write home about, after a hearty Shabbos lunch it’s more than enough. Starting with the fast moving lines at the washing sinks, the borrowing of a roll for lechem mishneh, and the refrains of pass the egg salad, the seltzer, the chips and the herring, this smallest of Shabbos meals meets the halachic requirements, while at the same time filling the bread-breaking function that has bound people together since the times of the Torah.

When I see all the people talking, eating and enjoying each other’s company, it shows that we really need to socialize, and we’re fortunate that the “progress” of society has not taken away this Shabbos afternoon oasis. In a future post will talk about some of the aspects of running and maximizing the Shalosh Seudos experience. Until then, enjoy your Shalosh Seudos.

Appreciating a Growth Oriented Environment

Rabbi Yonatan Kaganoff has an article called The Post Yeshiva Synagogue on Gil Student’s blog. You can read the article and formulate your own opinions on Rabbi Kaganoff’s hypothesis, but I thought the following comment excerpt from Ari Heitner on May 21, 2013 at 8:58 pm made some very important points:

The kollel/beis medresh is a place that’s busy all the time, not a shul that’s dead except for an hour twice a day and a few hours on Shabbos. It’s a place where people who learned for years in yeshiva study together with people new to serious Torah scholarship. It’s a place full of people participating in their Yiddishkeit rather than just passively consuming it. It’s a place where people who work hard all day still show their primary focus is Torah, and a place that sets the tone as a community of people growing rather than stagnating. It’s a place with an active N’shei and a community that extends far beyond the four walls of the building.

It is a kid-friendly, female-friendly, family-friendly social and cultural Jewish Center. And it shows that the social and cultural center of Judaism is Torah study.

(Oh yeah, they also have davening there)

My experience in our growth oriented Shul on Shabbos/Weekday Beis Medrash confirms Ari’s conclusion that creating a community of people growing is the key to success. I would just add that two important components of that growth are the Shul’s chesed activities and a competent Rav to guide people on their individual growth paths.

I think the major change that has occurred in Shuls over the years is that many more people have become growth oriented. The increase in Yeshiva graduates and BTs has helped fuel this growth. This is an extremely positive development, however Shuls that don’t evolve to accommodate this new reality will face difficulties ahead.

10 Reasons Your Shul Should Participate in a Baseball League

1) It creates a camaraderie among the kids

2) It gives people another avenue to be involved in the Shul

3) It creates friendships among the coaches

4) Baseball is a healthy outlet for our kids

5) It teaches good sportsmanship

6) It’s a great afternoon activity for kids with Yeshiva in the afternoon

7) It’s relatively inexpensive

8) It teaches that although winning is nice, it’s not everything

9) For many of the kids, it will be their only opportunity to play hardball in their life

10) After the initial crazy signup period, it’s relatively easy to administer

Running a Successful Shul Dinner

A Shul Dinner is a wonderful event. The members get together for a wonderful evening together; the Shul is celebrated and strengthened; the service of the honorees is recognized. However it takes a lot of work, and if not for its primary fundraising role, it would probably not be undertaken.

As we’ve discussed previously, even a small 50 member family Shul in a rented space and a part-time Rabbi, can easily cost $75,000 a year or about $1,500 per family. You can’t charge $1,500 per family for membership in a small Shul, so you charge a few hundred for membership, a few hundred for Yomim Noraim seats, hope to raise a few hundred per family at a dinner, and sweat to make up the rest of the budget. The dinner is the key event around which fundraising can take place. Let’s look at four major processes: getting an honoree, picking a venue, encouraging member participation, making the event run smoothly.

Getting members to agree to be honored is not simple. For a small shul of 100 or less active members, getting one couple (or individual) to be honored is fine. In our Shul’s earlier years we would honor 2 couples, but as the years passed we ran short of willing participants, so we usually honor 1 couple now. If we would have had the foresight, we would have honored 1 couple from the beginning.
Some primary reasons people refuse to be honored are:
1) they don’t want to make the financial commitment it implies
2) they don’t want to bother their friends and families
3) they don’t want of feel they deserve the honor
If you set reasonable fundraising goals, you can often overcome objections 1) and 2) by insisting that a big donation or invite list is not expected. Objection 3) sometimes requires the Rabbi to pay a special visit to teach the members about the merit received for accepting the honor for the benefit of the Shul.

After the honorees, comes the venue. Find a few dates that work for the honorees and that don’t present any obvious community conflicts. Call the local halls first, because the less travelling required the better, and it’s always good to do business in your local community where possible. In Queens and Long Island, you can expect to spend between $40 and $60 per person for the caterer and the hall. If you’re a good negotiator, and are willing to tone down the menu, you might bring it home between $30 and $40 per person. Make sure it’s respectable, since you’re asking you members to shell out a few hundred per person, and it’s a let down if they’re served a tired piece of chicken, with some overcooked greasy vegetables.

Next is to decide the participation levels for your journal. Set the dinner attendance cost within the reach of most members, and set the other levels from there. Get a local printer to print your invitations. When putting together your invite list, remember people generally don’t attend or contribute to other Shul’s dinners, so save yourself some postage and printing cost and invite those likely to contribute. Don’t skip on the journal, as it’s a nice touch for the honorees, and it helps you to raise more money with the different journal page rates.

After the invitations go out, comes the ad deadline game. It’s no secret that Jews run a little late when it comes to deadlines, so a liberal amount of Shul announcements and email reminders are usually necessary. Calling members who have not responded is a very wise idea, since people are more likely to respond to a call then to other forms of solicitation. In our Shul we encourage all new members to come, sometimes by reducing their contribution to the catering costs.

Lastly comes the event itself. The goal is to make it respectable for the honorees, enjoyable for the members, build connection to the Shul, all within a reasonable elapsed time. Reasonable timings are 60 minutes for the shmorg or hors d’oeuvres, 60 minutes for the main meal and program, 20 minutes for desert. Throw in a mincha and/or a maariv and some transition time, and your talking 3 hours total. Although in a certain sense, the speeches are the most important part of the dinner, people today seem to have trouble sitting through them. Generally the dinner chairman, the Rabbi, the president, an introduction for the honorees, and the honorees themselves should speak. Inform all parties of the target time for their speech.

You can see there’s a lot of steps, so you need a competent dinner committee, consisting of a dinner chair, a journal chair, and a few other people helping with the planning and execution. It’s helpful if you can get the same people from year to year, because there’s a lot of knowledge that is gained each time a dinner is run. We had our dinner this week and it was a smashing success, due in no small part to our amazing dinner committee.

If you have any questions or thoughts you can leave a comment or email me at shulpolitics@gmail.com.