Communication Archives - Shul Politics

The Complexities of Complaints

In a post regarding the difference between a Minyan and a Tzibbur, I wrote: “A minyan is a place for davening, while a tzibbur is a place for people. … One of the main thing that distinguishes a minyan from a tzibbur are the complaints. … In a Tzibbur the members are the group and therefore they have a right to express their opinion, which are often perceived by the leadership as complaints. ”

The person who usually receives the most complaints is the President. Depending on their job, family and life situations, some Presidents spend more time in the Shul than others. If a President is in the Shul less often he will probably receive less complaints, because there is a whole class of minor complaints that people will make in person, but will not pick up the phone to pursue. Is that a good thing or a bad thing? Let’s take a quick look at the complexities of complaints.

Less complaints are good because there will be less situations which can become major disagreements. In addition, each complaint is a challenge for the President, since he has to dignify each complaint and respond with respect to the complaining member – which sometimes can be challenging. Thirdly, many issues can’t be rectified because there are usually a number of factors why a given Shul Operation is administered in a certain way.

The first benefit of more complaints is that when people feel their voice is heard, they feel more connected to the Shul. Increased Shul connection benefits both the individual and the Shul. From a spiritual perspective, complaints give the administration the opportunity to increase their peace, love and understanding capabilities, and it’s a lot more difficult to Love Your Neighbor as Yourself when you’re being challenged on some issue. And lastly, if people don’t feel that they can express their complaints, resentments build.

If you didn’t like this post, please feel free to send your complaints my way.

Connecting at the Superbowl Party

Two of the most central commandments of the Torah are “Love Hashem” and “Love Your Fellow as Yourself”. Love consists of developing a deep connection to another. With Hashem we develop that deep connection by thinking of Him when we perform mitzvos. With our fellow humans, we develop that deep connection by appreciating their good qualities, praying with them, learning with them, helping them physically, financially and emotionally, and spending time with them.

Which brings us to the Superbowl Party. Many Rebbeim that I know feel that it’s ok to watch the Superbowl as long as you click it off during the commercials and the halftime show. In our hectic world, we need some down time, and watching sports is one of the more acceptable leisure activities. The Superbowl party adds the dimension of sharing some quality time with our friends. It’s a nice venue in that there are lots of opportunities to talk and connect during this 4 hour event with the game providing a good backdrop for small talk.

Attending the Superbowl Party is certainly not a positive commandment. However, if you focus on deepening your love and friendships, then the Superbowl Party, or any social event for the matter, is an opportunity to fulfill the mitzvah of “Love Your Fellow as Yourself”. And it doesn’t matter who wins.

The Struggle to Minimize Machlokes

Hashem wants us to achieve some very specific things, one of which is “walking in his ways”. The Ramchal explains, based on Mishna 2.1 in Avos, that our actions should lead to true good, namely, strengthening of Torah and the advancement of friendship. Anything that connects people is good and anything that separates people is bad.

This leads to one of the primary Shul principles, which is minimizing machlokes. I was tested by this on two separate occasions recently where people came with what I call a reasonably unreasonable request. From their perspective it was perfectively reasonable, but from a Shul perspective it was slightly unreasonable. Both of them threatened to go to the Rav to get a Psak in their favor. Although the Rav might bring up an issue with me, he would never issue a Psak overriding an operational decision. However, the Rav’s guidance in many Shul matters often has the minimizing machlokes principle at its root.

My difficult task was to not be offended by their threat to get an overriding Psak. I couldn’t even tell them that the Rav would not override a decision. My job was to try to satisfy their request, with a smile, even if it was slightly unreasonable. I was fairly successful in one situation, probably because it came through email and I resisted the urge to respond until I could resolve it in the person’s favor. In a face to face situation, I was only partially successful, because the audacity of the psak override threat got the best of me.

Hashem wants us to connect. Hashem wants us to be united. This is why minimizing the divisive effects of machlokes is a primary Shul Policy.

One last point to note is that sometimes a decision must be made which will upset someone, creating a slight machlokes. However we must still strive to minimize the occurrence and degree of any machlokes. It’s not always easy because emotions often come into play, but the more we can internalize the principle the better chance we will have of implementing it and fulfilling Hashem’s directive.

The Weekly Newsletter and Shul Announcements

A Vehicle Born Via the Internet
As we mentioned previously, the monthly newsletter morphed into the weekly newsletter when it became inexpensive and efficient to send it out via email on a weekly basis. In the process, some Shuls no longer use postal mail to distribute newsletters.

Where Did the Columns Go?
In the monthly newsletter it wasn’t uncommon to see a Rabbi’s column, a President’s column and perhaps columns from the Women’s league and other groups in the Shul. Although it was often hard to keep the columnists to the monthly deadline, it was achievable. Moving to a weekly publication makes it almost impossible and some Shuls have eliminated the column, while others have managed to keep it, sometimes in a less frequent basis then weekly.

Production Schedule
A weekly newsletter creates a weekly deadline which makes the Shul secretary’s job harder. Every week (s)he must email the newsletter to the members on Thursday night or early Friday morning. It’s helpful to keep the deadline as late as possible to include as much late breaking or arriving news as possible, but it has to be early enough so the secretary can edit it together. Deadlines considerations must include the fact that some (or many) people will send information after the deadline. In addition, if there’s somebody who is helping with proof reading, time has to be allotted for the editing-proofing cycle.

Shabbos Disemination
In addition to emailing, some Shuls print hard copies to distribute in Shul on Shabbos morning. This creates another task for the Secretary, but keeps people who are not so Internet active, more informed.

The Announcement Dilemma
The last issue to consider is which parts of the newsletter will be announced on Shabbos morning by the president or the gabbai. On one hand you want to wish Mazal Tovs and condolences and publicize Shul and community events where appropriate, but on the other hand people get impatient if announcements take too long. Practice in delivery is helpful here. If you can keep the announcements in the 2-4 minute range you will be able to minimize making the members feel burdened.

Shul Communications – Avoid Becoming a Shul Spammer

Beyond the Schedule
If your Shul is just a place to daven, then you don’t need much communications, perhaps an updated davening times schedule every now and then. However, as we’ve discussed your Shul can be much more: it can be a place of connection, growth and community. To reach those higher goals you need to communicate and connect with your members.

In the Beginning
Before the Internet, Shuls communicated with their members with announcements during davening and with newsletters often published and snail mailed on a monthly basis. The announcements are still there, but the snail mail has been replaced in many Shuls with email. The email can be delivered via a service like Constant Contact, a free alternative like Mail Chimp, via Gmail or from your Shul’s software program.

Beware of Shul Spam
Because it’s so easy to send emails to the membership it may be tempting to send them often. The problem with a freewheeling email strategy is that your messages can become Shul Spam. Shul Spam is not the spam that ends up in the Spam folder, but rather they’re emails that are ignored. The myriads of parsha and daily and weekly emails that are subscribed to often fall into this category.

Tread Cautiously
If your members perceive your emails as Shul Spam, then they will not achieve your goals of communication and connection. Of course timely information, such as funerals need to be emailed immediately, but for other information a weekly email is filling the bill for many Shuls. A Shul should try to have some policy about when to send out separate emails for shiurim and other special events.

The Weekly Newsletter
The ease and low cost of sending email, combined with a sensible weekly mailing policy has created a situation where many Shuls are now producing a weekly newsletter. The weekly newsletter is not the same animal as the old monthly newsletter and it creates new issues to confront, which we’ll discuss in a future post.

A Framework for Alleviating Shul Anger

Over the years we’ve discussed many of the anger provoking Shul situations such as talking, shushing, cell phones ringing, seat misappropriation, fast davening, slow davening, tzedekah collectors, etc. I had a new one last week at Mincha. In the middle of my silent Shemoneh Esrai, my neighbor sneezed twice without covering his mouth, generously spraying me with his germs.

You have to wonder why there are so many anger provokers in a thrice-daily activity which should promote achdus. Perhaps the answer is that Shuls provide us with a training ground for which to learn to deal properly with anger, thereby improving our middos.

So how can we deal with these anger provoking incidents. Let me share with you a simple framework that I have found very useful, based on the teachings of Rabbi Dr. Benzion Twerski, son of Rabbi Dr. Abraham Twerski.

Anger is a signal that there is something wrong in a given situation. Hashem, Moshe, Pinchas, the Prophets all got angry when the Jewish people behaved inappropriately – something was wrong. When we get angry in Shul, it’s because we perceive that there’s something wrong. That person should not be talking. That cell phone should not be ringing. That person should not have asked me to change my seat. That neighbor should have covered his mouth.

When we experience the anger signal, the next question is what to do about. There are three basic options: 1) Say or do something now; 2) Say or do something at a later time; 3) Let it go. When the “what to do” analysis is done with a cool head, which it should be, much of the time the answer will be 3) Let it go. The key idea however is to acknowledge the anger has signaled that something is wrong, and now that we are aware of the situation, you can let the anger go.

What I like about the framework is that it’s workable, it’s Torah based, and it reveals the positive purpose of anger. Try it and let me know your experience.

Everyday Connection Building

Our purpose in life is connection. To connect to Hashem. To connect to our souls. To connect to other people. These are connections of the heart -meaning they need to be internalized. This takes work and time and we must continually try to deepen these connections.

I was talking to a friend and he said that when he walks into certain Shuls he doesn’t feel comfortable. Sometimes because he had a bad experience and sometimes because the people did not seem so friendly. That’s understandable, however I asked him to look at it from a different perspective.

There are 7.5 billion people in the world, about 15 million Jews, and about 3 million Orthodox Jews. That means only .04% (4 out of every 10,000) of the world’s population are trying to connect to Hashem through following the Torah.

When you walk into any Shul all the people there are a part of this small special group on this special mission. Focusing on that thought when we enter a Shul, focuses on the positive in the group and deepens our connection to them.

Due to the way we are created, with egos, we have a tendency to focus on the negative in people. However, it is only by focusing on the positive that we build connections. I’m not saying that we should be Pollyannas and ignore the issues, but rather that our main focus should be on the positive.

My friend tried the above suggestion the next time he entered a previously uncomfortable Shul, and he said it made a noticeable difference. Focus on the positive in people, it’s what Hashem wants, and it markedly improves our life.

Changing Our Perspective

A year or two ago, a Shul member expressed his concern about a long term Rosh Hoshana issue. We talked for about 10 minutes and I explained why things were that way, what was attempted, and why there was no easy fix. After our short conversation he said that he didn’t realize these types of issues were so complicated.

I am working on the Yomin Noraim seating for our Shul. People will sometimes make seemingly unreasonable requests. When the implications of those requests are explained, they will usually come to a workable compromise.

These problems begin because Hashem designed us to see things from our unique perspective. Each of us lives inside our own head and that is the lens with which we see the world. When more information is revealed, most people can see the picture from a wider angle and come to a reasonable conclusion.

Seeing the bigger picture is an extremely important skill on Rosh Hashana. Our task is to focus on the King’s perspective and to clarify our role in His Master Plan. May we all reach some clarity on Rosh Hashana so we can reach the win-win situation of His Will becoming our will, so that our will becomes His Will.

Is a Blogging Rabbi Good For Your Shul?

I’ve tried to write here based on my Shul experiences, my analysis of those experiences, and discussions with my Rav, fellow Shul members and people from other Shuls. In my circles we talk about this stuff a lot because we like our Shul and we want to constantly improve. Even with that intent, it’s easy to fall into a trap where a web site and an opinion makes you an insta-pundit. It is with that introduction that I would like to address the question in the title of the post.

A recent article by Rabbi Michoel Green on Ner L’Elef titled: 4 Compelling Reasons Why Every Rabbi and Educator Should Blog made the case that blogging for Rabbis was important to:
1. Become a more effective communicator
2. Build a following
3. Enhance the identity of your non-profits by sharing experiences
4. Engage your congregants or students

For non-profits, a blogging Rabbi, teacher or executive might make sense, because non-profits usually need to continuously extend their reach, and successful thoughtful blogging can be a good way to do that. However for a Rabbi of a Shul, I think the decision to blog needs more careful consideration.

If we’re talking about posting transcripts or recordings of the Rabbi’s shiurim, I think it makes sense in many cases and I’ve been doing that since 2005 on our Shul’s blog. I would add the caveat that halacha and hashkafa often need to be personalized for your particular Shul, and it might not always be appropriate to post that which is not intended for a wider audience.

When it comes to opinion or punditry, I think that blogging can be detrimental for the Shul because:
1. It can distract the Rabbi from his primary responsibility of addressing the specifics needs of his Shul members
2. It puts the Rabbi in the unenviable position of writing on topics on which he might not have sufficiently retrieved and analyzed all the relevant information
3. In extreme cases, it can make a Rabbi distort the Torah to support his opinion

A question that comes up, is what if the congregants want to hear the Rabbi’s opinion on the latest newsworthy topics? For that I would suggest something less formal like our extremely popular “Ask the Rav” session, which we hold at Shalosh Seudos, where our Rabbi answers (almost) any question the congregation poses.

Let me just end with the always implied but not always stated caveat: “This is how I see the issue based on my experience. Your Shul’s mileage might vary.”