Davening Archives - Shul Politics

Four Dimensional Flourishing in Shuls on Shabbos

Four Dimensional Flourishing is a framework developed by Mark Frankel and David Linn. The goal of FDF is to increase the amazing-ness quotient in our lives. We’ve compiled a booklet and given two seminars on the subject.

What does an amazing life look like? It’s a life where we experience physical pleasure without being controlled by it. A life where we reduce our anger and envy and develop happiness, and deep connections to others. It’s living in a way that finds significance and meaning even in seemingly mundane endeavors. It’s having a clear understanding of our purpose, and living each day in accordance with that purpose.

The first step on the road to a flourishing life is understanding that all human experiences fall into four dimensions: physical, emotional, mental and spiritual. To flourish, we need to know the goals we are striving for in each dimension. In the physical realm, we are looking for pleasure. Emotionally, we are in pursuit of happiness. In the mental realm, we are searching for meaning. And in the spiritual dimension, we seek to fulfill our purpose.

In each dimension, there is a central habit that is critical to flourishing and a major deterrent that distances us from flourishing. In order to increase the degree of flourishing we experience in our lives, we need to develop these habits and address these deterrents.

Shuls on Shabbos provide a great opportunity for Four Dimension Flourishing. Onegs, Shabbos Kiddushim and Shalosh Seudos provide pleasure in the physical dimension with the key component that there is a mitzvah to have physical pleasure on Shabbos.

In the emotional realm, connecting to people is one of our primary sources of happiness. Shabbos in Shuls gives us plenty of face time to connect with our friends and deepen those happiness generating connections.

Meaning is the currency of the mental dimension and we find meaning in things we find significant. For many of us, the Shul is one of the most significant institutions in our lives, and our participation in belonging, supporting and operating it provides meaning.

The highest dimension is the spiritual and it is in this dimension that we define the purpose of our lives; developing a relationship with Hashem. The extended davening and learning that takes place in the Shul on Shabbos helps us achieve our purpose.

Living an amazing day-to-day life of Four Dimensional Flourishing is within our grasp, and Shabbos in Shul gives us a large scoop of such a life.

How Awesome is This Shul

“How awesome is this place! This is the house of Hashem and the gateway to heaven”. When Yaakov said this, he was talking about the Beis HaMikdash. After the destruction, our Shuls function as our Mikdash Me’ats, our small places of holiness. They are our houses of Hashem, our gateways to heaven.

Our Shuls are truly awesome places. It’s the place that we can have a face to face conversation with Hashem three times a day. It’s the place where we can publicly declare Hashem’s greatness with our Jewish brothers and sisters. It’s the place where we can witness people working selflessly to keep this holy place functioning.

So why don’t we feel it? Why don’t we walk into a Shul and feel “How awesome is this place!”?

It’s probably the same reasons that we generally don’t feel Awe of Hashem. In the “Guidebook to Reaching Awe” (a.k.a. Mesillas Yesharim), the Ramchal highlights many deterrents that keep us from reaching adequate levels of Awe.

One of the deterrents is worldly distractions. We’re dealing with a lot of things on a daily basis: our jobs, our finances, our families, our friends, our health, and what exactly are we going to have for breakfast/lunch/dinner today. It’s hard to put those things out of our minds.

A second deterrent is our self-centered perspective. The davening is fast. Or slow. It’s hot. It’s cold. It’s talkative. It’s unfriendly. I want my seat. Don’t sneeze on me. There’s no cholent. That’s our default perspective.

Perhaps when we walk into to Shul, we can start with the thought – “How awesome is this place!”. This is the gateway to heaven. Hashem, the Master of the Universe wants to hear my voice. He wants to hear my problems. He wants to have a deep relationship with little ol’ me. Maybe if we start with these thoughts, we can gently push the other concerns to the side – for a little while. It’s worth a try.

Slower Davening and Tircha De-Tzibura

After discussing some Shul situations with my Rav, I was marinating an article on Tircha De-Tzibura. I Googled the term to get the best transliteration, and lo and behold an excellent article was recently published named The Halachic Principles of Tircha De-Tzibura. Please go read it, I’ll wait till you come back.

Conceptually, Tircha De-Tzibura is any unnecessary delay in the service. The question than becomes what is an unnecessary delay. Let’s say that in a given Shul, Mincha usually takes a total time of between 10 and 13 minutes, and the person who wants to daven from the Amud will take 15 minutes. Should he forgo the Amud to prevent Tircha De-Tzibura. My Rav says that in this case you should not daven as you can see from the halacha that even small time delays are considered significant in this context. So the Nu, Nu choir does have a halachic leg to stand on.

One problem is that the time usually taken in a given Shul for Shacharis, Mincha and Maariv is not always so clearly defined and/or publicized. The best thing to do in those situations is to ask the Gabbai for his understanding of the time parameters, and if you can’t abide by them, then you should’t take the Amud.

Another situation. What if you’re in a Shul where Mincha takes between 10 and 13 minutes and your capable of davening fast. Do you have an obligation to minimize the time or are you ok as long as you’re under 13 minutes? In this situation my Rav felt that there was no halachic obligation to minimize your time.

From one perspective davening is often a game of minutes, and if you want to avoid the delay of game flags you need to know how long the 30 second clock is set for and how long it takes you to daven from the Amud. If in doubt, it might be best to sit it out.

Balancing Din and Chesed on Yom Kippur

We are taught that Hashem wanted to initially create the world with Din (judgment). When He saw that man would not survive such exacting judgment, He created the world with Din and Chesed. Hashem is constantly balancing these two forces for our benefit.

Shuls also have to balance Din and Chesed.

We need to collect outstanding balances for financial stability, while at the same time we need to be sensitive to the financial situations of our members.

We need to get volunteers to keep things running. At the same time we need to understand that not everybody will be able (or willing) to give of their time for Shul activities.

We need a proper davening, that starts, proceeds and ends at the scheduled times. On the other hand, we can be kind to the Baalei Tefilah and not drive them to distraction with an exactitude attitude.

My experience over the years is that in thought and conversation, Shuls lean a little heavy on the Din pedal. In deed however, the Chesed side usually comes through.

Just like we would like Hashem to go lighter on the Din pedal on Yom Kippur, perhaps it’s also a time that we can recalibrate a little more to the Chesed side in thought and conversation.

Let’s lead with Chesed. I think our Shuls will be better for it.

Judging Fast Daveners Favorably

By Todd Greenwald

Growing up my family davened at an orthodox shul, although we were more traditional. Every Motzae Yom Kippur, the shul asked the same person to daven maariv. Why? Because he was fast!! Back then it was great. After I became frum it bothered me greatly. We should be davening that first maariv after Yom Kippur slowly with much concentration. One Yom Kippur I remarked to my father how it bothered me. He related the following story about this gentleman:

“It was D-Day and this gentleman was off the boat and in the water approaching the beach. People from his platoon were being killed all around him. As he was moving to shore he prayed to Hashem and said, G-d if you get me out of here alive, I will go to shul every day for the rest of my life. My father told me that the man was true to his word and attends shul everyday.”

I was amazed at such an extraordinary feat. I wondered how Hashem received this man’s T’fillos as he fulfilled his daily obligation for close to 60 years. Whether he davened fast or slow, he lived up to his commitment until he recently passed away. I remember meeting him once in shul on a summer vacation and asked after his well being. He informed me that he had cancer and the chemo was rough but he still pushed himself to go to shul.

May we always judge people favorably and be inspired by this man’s remarkable commitment.

Originally Posted July 2014

Sefirah Counter – A Triumph of Low Tech

It wasn’t meant to become a fixture. In fact, when our Sefirah counter first hit the top of the Chazzan’s shtender, it was intended as a message to the administration: “Please get an electronic Shul Board ASAP”. The issue was that mispallim couldn’t always hear the Rabbi’s counting of the Omer, so we needed a way to inform them of the current count. A well meaning member devised a solution consiting of a lucite stand and 49 plain white pages numbered from 1 to 49 in a 400pt Arial font.

It seemed a little silly at first. So low tech! It actually requires that the numbers be manually changed every day! So we looked for a high tech display board. But this one was too hard to read. And this one was too visually loud. And we couldn’t find the one which was just right. So the next year, and for many years after, we pulled out the lucite stand and the folder of numbers and we survived with our low tech solution.

Not only did we survive, but the solution has actually thrived. It works quite well and we’re quite fond of it. A few falls has cracked the lucite base, but nobody is calling for a new one. It fits the character of the solution. We’ve even considered auctioning off the right to change the number. Another proposal was to have the numbers decorated by our play group.

But at the end of the day we’re purist, and we’ll continue with our simple and perfect low-tech solution to a common problem.

Missing an Opportunity

People come to Shul on Shabbos morning for one of the following main reasons: 1) The Davening; 2) The Rabbi; 3) The Socialization.

Some attribute the spectacular rise of Covid backyard minyans, to the fact that socialization is the main driver for many, and the backyard minyanim provide a better socialization venue. They’re like Shteibels on steroids, where the participants make the rules.

I personally value the socialization aspect of our Shuls very highly, and long for the days when we can gather for a kiddush, Shalosh Seudos and public shiurim. However, I think we have unfortunately missed an opportunity for serious spiritual growth through improved davening.

Remember our renewed commitments to davening as we prayed alone in our homes for 10 Covid weeks? And now that we’re back, what happened? Yes, we have to deal with the whos, wheres and how longs of social distanced davening. But when we’ve stepped into that first brocha of Shemoneh Esrai, what’s our excuse? Maybe it’s only me, but I suspect others have also not taken full advantage of this once in a lifetime opportunity.

It’s not too late. We can still show Hashem how much we appreciate the return to our Shuls.
You give Hashem your attention for 7 minutes, and He’ll give you the world.

Cross posted at Beyond BT.

The Cure for Covid Condensed Congregations

Even before Covid, Shuls were downsizing due to Shtiebelization. Covid drove more downsizing, distancing and davening at dizzying speeds. A friend told me that he can get out of bed at 9:30 am, go to the next door davening tent, and be finished with Shabbos Morning davening by about 10:30 am, with a grab and go kiddush to boot. Perhaps there was a pent-up demand for such davening and Covid just paved the way.

Fortunately the famous Ramban at the end of Parsha Bo revealed the vaccine for this situation. He teaches us that the plagues showed the world that G-d is the source of all existence, who knows all, oversees all, is all powerful, shows favor to the Jews, and communicates to us through prophecy. The purpose of all the commandments is that we should believe in G-d and acknowledge to Him that He created us.

And the purpose of raising our voices in prayer and the purpose of Shuls and the merit of communal prayer is that people should have a place where they can gather and acknowledge that G-d created them and caused them to be and they can publicize this and declare before Him, “We are your creations”.

So the cure for Covid Condensed Congregations is to focus on the purpose of our Shuls and think about Hashem, our creator, as we pray and perform the many mitzvos of Shabbos morning. I think we’re all capable of thinking about Hashem a few times each Shabbos. As we succeed, the spiritual pleasure we experience surely exceeds the pleasure from a shortened faster davening.

Hashem provide the vaccine for spiritual malaise during Yetizias Mitzrayim. Shabbos morning we all have an appointment to get inoculated.

Praise and Thanks For Our Shuls on Chanukah

In the Al hanissim addition on Chanukah we say “they established these eight days to thank and praise Your great name”! It’s a holiday of thankful prayer to Hashem, specifically full Hallel for 8 days.

Rabbi Moshe Meir Weiss points out that “the prayer prescription of Chanukah is unique! Unlike all the other festivals, when we feverishly petition Hashem for our needs (i.e., Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur for our very lives, Succoth for water, Pesach for the crops, Shavuos for the trees), on Chanukah we put the emphasis on saying “Thank You!”—”l’hodos u’l’hallel”! A time of unselfish expression of gratitude to our creator!”

And the primary place of our praise and thanks is in the Shul. As the Ramban at the end of Parshas Bo writes “And the purpose of raising our voices in prayer and the purpose of Shuls and the merit of communal prayer is that people should have a place where they can gather and acknowledge that G-d created them and caused them to be and they can publicize this and declare before Him, “We are your creations”.

So it’s an appropriate time to step back from identifying and resolving the issues we confront here regularly and to focus on the unqualified praise and thanks that every Shul deserves.

Definitionally, praise is the expression of approval or admiration for someone or something, while thanks is the gratitude we express when something was done for our benefit.

Every Shul deserves praise. And by Shul I mean both those who run it and those who come to daven. We often take it for granted, but it’s no small thing to have a group come together on an daily or weekly basis to praise, thank and petition Hashem. Every person who comes to daven adds to the collective prayer experience. And those who keep the Shul running are to be praised for establishing and maintaining a place of prayer.

Thanks is often harder than praise, because at its root it’s an admission that we need someone else to provide us with that being provided. Giving thanks challenges our self-sufficiency and that’s one of the underlying reason many people have trouble expressing thanks. But if you allow yourself a moment of vulnerability you will clearly see that despite your neighborhood’s Shul options, the Shul you davened at this week, and last week, and the week before was the one that provided you with the lights, seats, Sefer Torah and service that enabled you to gather with a group of like minded Jews to pray. It’s the one that deserves your thanks.

Although the praise and thanks of Chanukah is primarily directed to Hashem, Hashem want us to improve our abilities in this area and to express praise and thanks in our day to day living. That’s why this a great time to allocate some of our thoughts to the praise and thanks of our Shuls on Chanukah.

In Defense of the Latecomers

I walked into the Neitz minyan one morning, about 10 minutes before the Brochos start time, and the seating Gabbai gave me a thumbs up indicating I was one of the first ten. I was surprised because I’ll often get a good-hearted “tsk tsk you’re late” finger wave if I get there only 10 minutes before the start. It’s one of the things I love about this minyan, and it certainly re-calibrates the definition of coming late.

One past Shabbos, I was involved in a discussion with a friend about coming late. We’ve established two times which have merited lamination on the chazzan’s shtender, 8:37am for the first Kaddish and 8:55am for Borechu. I sometimes find myself in the role of defending the sanctity of those times but my friend had a different take:

“If people don’t want to miss the first Kaddish – they should get here by the 8:30am start time”. – he argued.

“It’s not so easy for people to get here at the start” – I replied.

“If the saying or responding to Kaddish is so important to them, they can get here early” – he retorted.

We went back and forth and I finally put forth this point – “I want to give my teenager the max time to sleep, and I can say brochos at home, but I want to be at the minyan to reply to Kaddish, so that’s why the 8:37 time is sacrosanct to me.”

His silence indicated that he was at least considering this point.

The on-timers vs latecomers also comes up regarding seating:
“If people want their seats, they should come on time”
or “Let’s try to accommodate latecomers by saving their seats – if possible”.

I hear both sides of the argument, but at this point I try to accommodate the latecomers, both for the chesed mileage points earned and because they are the majority.

Searching All Over for Inspirational Prayer

Judaism has the power to put pleasure, happiness, meaning and purpose into our lives 24 by 7. Prayer is one of the primary mechanisms to accomplish our purpose of connecting to Hashem. However, as we’ve discussed previously, prayer is difficult and we need regular inspiration to maintain and elevate our prayer.

One common source of inspiration is the Baalei Tefillah.The right nusach or niggun can emotionally unite and lift the entire Shul. One problem with this source of inspiration is that yesterday’s popular Chazzanos has become today’s unpopular kvetch and cry. In Minyanim with a deep bullpen of younger Baalei Tefillah this is not such a problem, but in some cross-generational Shuls, a regular diet of Baalei Tefillah based inspiration is hard to come by.

A second source of inspiration has unfortunately arrived and that is the Covid crisis. Shuls across the world are saying extra Tehillim. However, this is one source of inspiration that we hope will vanish.

A third source for inspirational prayer is the flame that burns within. It begins with a mental commitment to improve our davening. The flame is raised further by davening slower and by making more effort in concentration. Learning more about the prayers adds a freshness to the familiar words in the prayer books.

Of course not every prayer will be a home run, but finding inspiration from within is the most reliable way to increase our on-base prayer percentage.

The “Start the Connection” Movement

There have been many worthwhile Shul focused movements that have come out of the Coronavirus: “Stop the Talking”, “Stop the Cell Phones”, and “Stop Talking to Your Friends Before Davening”. They all make sense after all, since nobody wants talking or cell phones going off during Shemoneh Esrai. But maybe after putting our lives on stop for so long, we need a different kind of movement. I’d like to offer an alternative, which I called the “Start the Connection” movement.

“Start the Connection” has two components, connecting to people and connecting to Hashem. When you enter your Shul focus on the fact that you’re here to connect. The first connection is to your fellow daveners. Smile at them. Your mask may cover your mouth, but they will detect the smile in your eyes. And the smile will enhance your connection towards them.

After the smile, ask someone how they’re doing. Or ask them how their day was. Listen to their response. Perhaps ask a follow up question. Feel and show your concern for them. It means a lot to people, especially after the isolation we’ve been experiencing for so many months.

If your minhag is never to talk in Shul, try to catch somebody before they enter. If your Shul is trying to impose new beyond-the-halacha prohibitions, speak to your Rav. Tell him you truly want to deepen your connections to your fellow Jews. Ask him whether the positive commandment of trying to Love Your Fellow Jew might possibly outweigh a newly imposed prohibition. Be prepared to lose this battle, but continue to try increasing your love and connection for your fellow Jew.

The connection to Hashem component has more inherent difficulties. We know our kavanna is probably not where we want it to be, and now the minyan is probably shorter and faster. The key here is to “start” the connection. Start small. During the Shema and during the first Brocha of Shemoneh Esrai, think about Hashem when you say His name. Think that He is the source of all existence, and that He is the master of all.

The “Start the Connection” movement has two simple suggestions: 1) Improving your connection to people when you see them, 2) Improving your connection to Hashem when you say His name. Please join us.

A New Opportunity

Thank you Hashem for beginning the opening of our Shuls. And thank you Governor Cuomo for being the bearer of this good news.

Shabbos will be a long awaited reunion for those of us re-entering our Shuls. And many of us already experienced our first power-of-ten davening experience this week. Others are still patiently waiting for the signal to begin minyanim.

We are faced with a new opportunity for us to re-ignite our davening. A new opportunity to storm the heavens so that all of our brethen can daven and pray in our Shuls and Yeshivos. A new opportunity to make our spiritual hishtadlus to bring about a complete end of this plague.

Let’s pray that we take advantage of this new opportunity. And let’s pray that Hashem will hear and accept our prayers.

Have a good Shabbos!

The Avodah of Just Going to Shul

One of the inspirational speakers tells a story about a guy who came to Shul during the week and started to shmooze before he put on his tallis and tefillin. He continued to shmooze with a few different people, and the minyan ended, and he left with everyone. He forgot that he didn’t even daven. It sounds like a crazy story, but I can remember times that I came to Shul preoccupied with a problem. It was difficult to push the problem out of my mind, and what I did during that minyan might just barely be classified as davening.

It sounds incriminating, but if you think about it, just going to Shul is a part of the Avodah. When we had the Beis HaMikdash, men made Aliyas HaRegel and had to journey to the Temple. It was a big thing to just make the journey, and in our times, people who go to Shul regularly are also doing a big thing. Of course it’s important to daven, but we shouldn’t neglect the avodah of just going to Shul.

Now we have been cut off from that aspect of our Avodah and it’s difficult for us. We are longing just to make the journey to Shul. The thought of the power of the journey might be a good one to keep in mind, because when the Shuls open it’s going to be a very different experience, based on the guidelines that have come out. Even on Shabbos, we can expect quick, small, staggered, no-frills minyanim, with a streamlined leining for a total time of less than an hour.

So when any minyan reopens, no matter what its format, savor every step, as we will, G-d willing, once again have the avodah of just going to Shul.

Addressing Our Davening Problem

We’re in a crisis situation. A situation which calls for us to storm the heavens with our prayers. So we step into our Shemoneh Esrai committed to do our best, and before we know it we’ve lost focus. What can we do? The first thing to know is that you’re not alone, almost everybody has the davening problem to some degree. The second thing to know is that we can improve. Here’s a path.

Davening is about connecting to Hashem in heart and mind. To connect to Hashem, we have to think about Hashem. A very important time to think about Hashem is when we’re praying and saying His Name. The Shulchan Aruch teaches that when saying the name Hashem, “we should concentrate on the meaning of how it is read, referring to His Lordship, that He is the Master of all.”

The Shulchan Aruch also says that “we should concentrate on (how it is written) the Yud-Hei – that He was, is, and always will be”, but the Mishna Berurah brings down in the name of the Gra, that this second meaning is only required when we say Hashem’s name in the Shema.

Is there any doubt in our mind that Hashem is the Master of all? He has brought the entire world to a standstill before our very eyes! When we say Hashem’s name in the brochos of Shomoneh Esrai, we should think and recognize that Hashem is the Master of all.

Start with the the first Brocha. If you catch yourself wandering in the middle of any brocha, bring yourself back to thinking about Hashem’s name when you conclude the Brocha. Don’t get discouraged when you’re not successful, just keep on making the effort. With repeated step by step effort, you’ll develop the ability to focus on Hashem’s name during davening.

We have to do our stop-the-spread hishtadlus. But more importantly, we have to turn and think about the Master of all in prayer. If not now, when?

What Shul Will We Come Back To?

Hashem has closed our Shuls and we can’t know the exact reason. However, we can think about what we want our Shuls to look like when we come back. Reducing talking about secular subjects and cell phone activity are reasonable suggestions. And it’s also possible that Hashem wants us to try to daven a little better.

Last week we mentioned that the emotional connections that we are seeking to develop during davening are love of Hashem and awe of Hashem. We mentioned that every time we say the word Boruch, which is usually explained as Hashem being the source of blessing, we can appreciate the love that Hashem is showering on us with His gifts in this world. We can then try to direct our love right back at Him.

Let’s take a look at awe. The second of the six constant mitzvos is that we should not believe in any G-d but Him. There is nothing in the world that takes place without Hashem’s authority and we need to subjugate ourselves to His authority. The Mishna Berurah (M.B. 93.2.4) points out that this is sometimes difficult, but we can take a small step.

When we say the word Atah, meaning You, we can envision that we are talking directly to Hashem, the Ultimate Authority. We can realize that he is our Ultimate boss and we need to listen and subjugate ourself to His commands. Each Brocha is an opportunity to try and feel this awe. Perhaps once each day we can feel the awe, when we say Atah.

Spiritual growth is a gradual process and every effort we make, no matter how seemingly small, contributes to that growth. We can use our time davening alone to focus on our love and awe of Hashem when we say Boruch Atah. When our Shuls reopen, we can rededicate them with our improved davening.

Taking a Step Forward after Three Hard Steps Back

It’s a tough time for worldwide Shul goers: no public shiurim, no social contact, no davening with a Tzibbur. However, there is a tremendous opportunity here to take a step to improve our davening. Let me share a practical idea.

Our spiritual purpose in life is to connect to Hashem and to His creations. The collective end point of that process is one world under G-d, with unity, love, peace and happiness for all. We connect to Hashem by thinking about Him, feeling emotionally connected to Him, and doing physical acts of spiritual connection.

Davening contains all three of these components, but the essence of davening is feeling emotionally connected, as we learn in the Gemora in Taanis, “Prayer is the Service of the Heart”. It’s also the hardest component. We can arrive at Shul, say the prayers, and because we are distracted, barely think about Him, much less feel emotionally connected.

The emotional connections that we are seeking to develop during davening are love of Hashem and awe of Hashem. Let’s look at love, which is the feeling of a deep connection. A foundational spiritual thought, and the first of the 6 constant mitzvos, is that there is one G-d who is the cause of all that exists. If we look at the wonderful things in our life, we can appreciate that Hashem caused it, with love for us. We can then start to reciprocally return that love to Him.

Every time we say the word Boruch, which is usually explained as Hashem being the source of blessing, we can appreciate the love that Hashem is showering on us with His gifts in this world. We can then try to direct our love right back at Him. There are 100 opportunities a day to feel this love, and we can try to connect at least once a day, when we say Boruch.

Spiritual growth is a step by step process. Today we have a tremendous opportunity to take one step forward, after having been propelled three hard steps back.

Connecting to Your Baal Tefillah

It’s not uncommon for people to have an opinion about the Baal Tefillah. He’s going to slow. He’s going to fast. He’s singing too much. He’s not singing enough. He’s putting on a performance. He’s not inspiring the Tzibbur. These opinions take on different intensities depending on whether it’s Yomim Noraim, Yom Tov, Shabbos or during the week.

In the secular world, everybody is entitled to their opinion, but in the Torah world our goal is to work towards the day when “Hashem is One and His Name is One”. If we are not united as a people, we will not reach that goal. Everyday time we have a negative opinion of the Baal Tefillah we disrupt the spiritual unity of the Shul at some level, even if we don’t express it.

Here are a few Baalei Tefillah prototypes. We might disagree with them, but if we consider that this may be where our Baal Tefillah is coming from, it can lessen our frustration and the resulting dis-unity.

1) The Quick davener is trying to get the repetition over with as soon as possible.

2) The Slow davener is following the halacha of not “throwing” a blessing from his mouth, rather he is concentrating and making the blessing calmly.

3) The Inspirational davener is here to inspire and will sing many nigunim.

4) The Non Inspirational davener wants to daven the best that he can to help lift all the prayers to Shemayim.

5) The Performing davener is using his G-d given talents to inspire to help lift the prayers.

6) The Pareve davener is only up there because the Gabbai asked him and he’s doing the best he can.

The Torah wants us to to give the Baal Tefillah the benefit of the doubt and keep connected to him. If you want to take the next step, you can follow the halacha and follow along with the Baal Tefillah and answer Amen to each brocha.

Klal Yisroel needs all our prayers, here’s one small step to make them better.

Getting Lost in My Seat

On one hand it’s inspiring that so many of us want a specific seat for Rosh Hoshana. Assumably, it’s because we want to pray like there’s no tomorrow on the Yom HaDin. To achieve that we need our regular seat, or the seat we sat in last year. It makes sense to want to maximimze our prayer in the optimal seat.

When my kids were younger, we used to go away for Rosh Hoshana. I remember how we would get to the hotel early and I would head straight for the Shul, scouting out a good seat. Not too close. Not too far. Away from the traffic flow. But not too far that it’s hard to get out. When my optimization algorithm stopped spinning, I would place my talis and seforim and mark my seat. Did it really matter? If I didn’t do some prep work beforehand, would my Kavanna be better because of the seat? Probably not.

When you daven in your own Shul, a different consideration comes it to play. There are many more guests and married children present, so it’s often not possible for everybody to sit in their preferred seat. I remember in the past being asked to change my seat. When I said yes, it was begrudgingly. After all, didn’t I have the first rights to the seat that I had sat in regularly for so many years.

I now see that I made a mistake. If I really wanted to show Hashem that I was getting more serious about my Divine Service, wouldn’t it make sense to give up my own rights, so somebody else could have the seats that they need. Wouldn’t that show Hashem that I was taking a step out of my self-centric world view and concerning myself with the needs of His children. What an amazing step that would be towards a more favorable judgement.

It may be too late for me. Now that I’m on the seating committee, it obligates me to give up my seat if it will help somebody else. So I won’t be able to do complete teshuva and give up my seat because it’s the right thing to do. Hey, maybe you could give up your seat and have me in my mind. It’s just a thought.

A Closer Look at the Hashkama Minyan

The conventional rap on the Hashkama Minyan is that it’s a utilitarian minyan for those who want their davening fast and early. Another objection is that the participants are less connected to the Rabbi and the Shul than those who daven at the main minyan. Although these may be valid points, let’s take a closer look.

I was in Lawrence about a year ago and my host davened at the Hashkama Minyan. There were both men and women present. It was a reasonable pace, followed by a generous hot kiddush. After that, there was a 30 minute shiur by one of the prominent Baalei Machshava of the area. It was a fantastic Shabbos morning experience and I would be hard pressed to resist making it my mainstay if I lived in the area.

The Hashkama Minyan in my shul is missing the kiddush and the shiur, but it is structured to overcome some of the potential deficiencies. The davening is a reasonable pace, but time is saved by running the service efficiently. There is a weekly Dvar Torah giving by one of the participants and on occasion by our Rabbi. And due to the efforts of the Gabbai, who was recently honored at our Shul Dinner, there is a sense of community among the mispallim. I daven there about once a month, and I find it a very positive experience.

Like most things in the Jewish Community, Hashkama Minyanim are what you make them. If you throttle the speed, mix in some Torah, and infuse a sense of Tzibbur, the value of the Hashkama Minyan increases greatly.

Davening Down Time and AFAHP

Davening down time are the periods in the service when you’re not actively davening, such as taking out the Torah, Kaddish, and the repetition of Shemoneh Esrai. These are the times when boredom sets in and inappropriate behaviors like texting and talking will increase.

Another consequence of davening down time is the birth of AFAHP. It has become an admirable trait in many weekday minyanim for the Sheliach Tzibbur (Shatz) to repeat the Shemoneh Esrai as fast as humanly possible (AFAHP) without making mistakes. Some people are quite good at this, while it creates a general expectation on every Shatz to daven faster. Although many people support this practice with cries of Tirchei D’ Tzibbur, I think our current average speed is over the limit intended by Chazal.

Another effect of AFAHP is the perpetuation of the mentality of getting out of Shul as soon as possible. In its extreme form, this has led to the creation of the matzah minyan which allegedly finishes an entire weekday Shacharis in 18 minutes. This devalues the experience of davening in Shul, which is quite unfortunate given the fact that minyan-goers put in considerable time and effort to daven with a minyan. Shouldn’t we be looking to increase the benefits of this experience rather than trying to getting out of there as soon as possible.

One suggestion is to calculate a range of how long the repetition should take and publicize it. For a weekday mincha the formula is:
Repetition Time = Total Allotted Time – Silent Shemoneh – 4-7 minutes (for Ashrei, Tachanun, Aleinu and Kaddishes).
A part of this exercise includes increasing our appreciation of our God-facing activities like being in Shul, and possibly lengthening the total allotted time.

Another idea is to productively use our davening down time as stated in the Shulchan Aruch 124:4 – “When the Shatz repeats the Shemoneh Esrai, the congregation should be silent and apply their minds to the blessings made by the Shatz and respond Amen to them”. If we look in the siddur and follow along we can greatly increase the connection to Hashem that davening can enable.

Davening with a minyan is a tremendous opportunity for collective spiritual growth, especially if we do it with a little less speed, a little more care and a little more consciousness.

Mishkan, Mikdash, Shul

In the Strive for Truth essay named “Mishkan and Mikdash” Rabbi Dessler points out that the Tabernacle is sometimes called Sanctuary (Mikdash) and sometimes called Dwelling Place (Mishkan). A Mikdash is a place of holiness where we recognize Hashem’s awesomeness and try to transcend our lower level to reach out to Hashem. A Mishkan is a place where Hashem rests His presence amongst us despite our relative lowliness because He knows we can lift ourselves up.

Our Shuls contain elements of both. When we start to pray Shemoneh Esrai, we strive to make Hashem’s presence so real, as if we were talking to a person. We need to feel the Mishkan. In the prayer itself we reach up to connect to Hashem in our minds and in our hearts. We can see the interplay between the two: the more we feel Hashem’s presence, the easier we can connect, and the more we connect, the more we feel Hashem’s presence.

From a practical point of view, we all need to work on our davening. Feeling Hashem’s presence is a challenge which needs real efforts to improve. Focusing on our prayers is another challenge. If we take a few seconds before starting Shomoneh Esrai to mentally acknowledge that we are standing before Hashem, we can at least start the first brocha with some of the required focus.

Our Sages instituted praying with a minyan to help us connect to Hashem. When we each work on trying to connect to Hashem through prayer our collective efforts make the Shul more of a place where Hashem’s presence can be felt. May we all merit success in our individual prayer efforts so we can turn our Shuls into the best Mishkans and Mikdashes they can be.

Appreciation of Our Wonderful Shul Choices

I was out of town for Shabbos twice in the last two months and it was a great experience. Out of town Shuls are very friendly. Out of towners are less judgmental and more accepting of a wider range of observance. Out of towners really appreciate their shuls and their fellow members. In addition, being away brought me to a greater recognition and appreciation of some aspects of the Shuls in my larger neighborhood.

The first recognition is place. Since there are many Shuls in larger neighborhoods, you are more likely to find one near your house. Many people in my neighborhood have a 1-3 minute walk to their nearest Shul.

The second recognition is time. There are many different times available for Shacharis, Mincha, and Maariv. This greatly increases your opportunities to daven with a minyan. Many people in my neighborhood rarely miss davening with a minyan.

The third recognition is speed. We daven at different paces. It’s nice to be able to find a minyan that fits your speed. When you’re not rushing, you have a better chance of having some kavanna. And if you have a need for some speed, you can find that too.

One of the purposes of prayer is recognizing and appreciating the good that Hashem provides. How appropriate it is to recognize and thank Hashem for our wonderful Shul choices.

The Real Problem of No-Frills Davening

This post is a followup to the No-Frills Davening post. No-Frills Davening is the phenomena where people join and attend Shuls on Shabbos for davening alone. What could be wrong with that? Shuls are built as places to daven. To answer this question we have to take a step back to look at the goals of Judaism.

The goals of Judaism are to create three types of connection: 1) the connection of our body and soul; 2) a connection to Hashem; 3) connections of ourselves with other people. Body and soul connection is achieved by learning and following the Torah’s prescription of how to act, feel and think from a spiritual perspective as we navigate our lives in this physical world. Connection to Hashem is achieved through serving Him via the mitzvos and through prayer. Connection to others is achieved by diminishing and overcoming our egocentric perspective and helping, seeing the good, speaking well of, and giving honor to our fellow Jews.

Although the Shul is a place where we connect to Hashem via prayers, it is also a place where we connect to our fellow Jews. Connecting to people requires us to go beyond the comfort zone of our family and close friends, and dealing with people who are not such close friends, who have different views than us, who might sometimes rub us the wrong way. And it takes work because we have to put aside our ego and individual perspective to accommodate the perspectives, needs, and personalities of others. Many people don’t enjoy this and therefore seek a no-frills, no-conflict, no-accommodation-required environment. But if we are to grow as individuals and collectively as a community and a people we need to get our hands dirty and constructively deal with these differences and conflicts.

The world is becoming a much more polarized place and as inhabitants we are affected by this division. The Torah gives us the prescription to eliminate polarization and that is through connection. Hashgacha has placed us in Shuls where we have the challenge and opportunity to do the real work of creating connections and a true unity. No-Frills Davening is harmful because it keeps us in our comfort zone and prevents us from creating the connections which are a major component of our purpose in the world.

The Phones of Yom Kippur

You don’t normally hear a phone go off during davening Shul. Yet here it was, Erev Yom Kippur, the last mincha of the year, the first viduy of the day, and five different phones rang, some of them more than once. After the fifth phone went off, one of those davening let out a big “Nu?!?”. What lessons were to be learned?

The first lesson is that we should consider turning off our phones as a preparation for davening. Disturbing others during davening is a big halachic no-no, and a ringing phone is one of the bigger disturbances. It was pointed out that perhaps many people don’t turn off their phones, but since they don’t get many calls, they usually get away with it. Erev Yom Kippur is a big time for phone calls, so these people got caught with their phones down. Hopefully we’ll all be careful with turning off our phones in the future.

The fact that a few of the phones rang twice, shows that some people just hit the reject call button, instead of turning off their ringer. We asked our Rav and he ruled that if a person is not sure whether he turned his phone off, he should take it out and turn it off in between brochos.

I asked a friend what he thought could be learned from this incident and he said we need to chill out when a phone accidentally goes off and not embarass the already embarassed davener with a “Nu?!?”.

We think of our phones as our personal devices, but there’s a lot of person to person considerations in our use and misuse of them during davening.

The Four Most Important Words in Shul

Rabbi Aryeh Kaplan explains that the key to establishing a palpable closeness to G-d when we say the Shemoneh Esrai, are the words Melekh (King), Ozer (Helper), uMoshia (Rescuer), uMogen (Shield) in the first brocha. We start off addressing G-d as a majestic but somewhat distant King. A Helper is more available and closer than a King, like a friend who we know we can call on. A Rescuer is closer than a Helper, because he is right there to save us when we need help. A Shield is closer than a Rescuer because he is surrounding us, protecting us from harm. If we say these four words slowly (4+ seconds per word), focusing on the different perceptions of closeness, we can sense Hashem’s protection.

This four word progression is also applicable to the Yomim Noraim. On Rosh Hoshana we focus on Hashem as King. In the ten days of Teshuva, we call out more in Selichos to Hashem, our Rescuer, because He is more available in this period. On Yom Kippur, we pray and confess to Hashem, our Saviour, as He saves us from the consequences of our sins. On Succos, we focus on Hashem, our Shield, through the mitzvos of the Sukkah and the feelings of protection that it generates.

The idea of the progression from King, to Helper, to Rescuer, to Shield, might help explain a question regarding brochos. Every standalone or sequence-beginning brocha must contain Hashem’s name and the word Melekh. However, the beginning of Shomeneh Esrai is missing the Melekh. Tosfos gives the most quoted answer: the first Brocha mentions Avrahom, who was the first one who made Hashem King over himself. The question still remains: why not just put the word Melekh, like we find in every other brocha?

Perhaps we can say that the word Melekh by itself represents a distant King. However in Shomeneh Esrai we are talking directly to Hashem, To help us create that conversational closeness, the Men of the Great Assembly, put the word Melekh at the end of the brocha in the progression leading to Magen. This is the relationship Avrahom personified, and that is the relationship we are pursuing in the first brocha and in the entire Shomoneh Esrai.

May we all merit to make the progression from Melekh to Magen in these upcoming Yomim Noraim, and in every tefillah that we daven.

Rebuking the Rebuker

The five weekday minyanim that I regularly daven at in my neighborhood are usually quiet during weekday davening. However, there was one occasion when two young men were engaging in conversation during Chazara HaShas.

Here’s a conversation that did not take place:

Me: You know the Shulchan Aruch brings down that it’s a serious aveira to talk during Chazaras HaShas?

Young Man: I’m not quite convinced that you’re so concerned about my spiritual well being – but thanks anyway.

Me: Well I like to daven in a place that is quiet.

Young Man: That’s nice, but right now I prefer a little bit of shmoose time with my friend.

Me: But my preference is backed by the halacha.

Young Man: I learned that a person should not use the Torah as a spade to dig, which I was taught means you should not use the Torah for your only personal gain.

Me: It’s not my personal gain, it’s better for the whole Tzibbur if the Shul is quiet.

Young Man: And it’s also better for the whole Tzibbur if this is not a place of sinas chinam – didn’t you watch any Tisha B’Av videos last year?!

Me: There’s an understanding in this Shul that people don’t talk during davening.

Young Man: I usually don’t talk, but today I did and I think you are seriously transgressing the halachos of rebuke.

Me: Perhaps you’re right. Sorry for not handling this properly.

Young Man: No problem.

Anger at Cell Phones in Shul

Maybe this has happened to you. In the middle of davening or a shiur, a cell phone rings.

Here are some ways this might be handled:

1) Recently, I saw the Shliach Tzibbur give a scolding “Nu” from the Amud. I’m not sure that handling a disturbance with a bigger disturbance and a public embarrassment makes sense.

2) Sometimes it is announced before davening that everybody should turn off their cell phone. At this point of cell phone adoption, I’m not sure that it makes sense to give this pre-announcement before every davening. It also might sound like a warning, that if you ignore this announcement, then wrath awaits.

3) In one minyan, the Gabbai made an announcement after davening reminding people to turn off their ringers and notifications. He is a caring person, so I suggested that the person was probably embarrassed when it went off and mentioning it again might increase his embarrassment. He agreed and no longer makes such an announcement.

4) One speaker announced after a phone rang, “Baruch Hashem I can hear”. Although he was trying to say that “it’s no big deal”, it might have caused added embarrassment by bringing attention to the matter.

5) Saying nothing but thinking that perhaps the offender is technically incompetent or inconsiderate.

6) Treating the ring as if someone coughed in the middle of davening. We wouldn’t get angry if someone coughed, so why should we get angry about a cell phone ring mistake.

7) Realizing that this incidence is really a test from Hashem and that the appropriate response is to feel bad about the embarrasment the cell phone possessor is feeling.

If we adopt number 6 or 7, we can actually transform this into a growth opportunity. I can’t wait for the next errant ring.

Naitz Waits for No Man

It must have been 15 years ago. The davening in my morning minyan was a little fast for me. To make matters worse, the davening speed difference often left me in a situation where I davened faster to keep up, only to find myself waiting for the Baal Tefillah to finish the Shema. We already had a fixed pace for Pesukei D’Zimra, so I suggested to the Rabbi, that we add some additional split times, before and after the Shema. The Rabbi told me that such an enactment would drive the Baalei Tefillah crazy.

Here I am 15 years later, davening from the Amud as an Avel for the first time in my life at a Nusach Sefard Naitz minyan. The first rule of a Naitz minyan is that you have to start Shemoneh Esrai after sunrise. Although poskim have said that there is at least a one minute allowance here, many Naitz-goers want to get as close as possible. If you start 10 seconds late, you start to enter the danger zone.

To try to hit the Naitz time as close as possible, we have a rule of thumb to hit Tehilas 30 seconds before sunrise. There’s another rule to start Emes V’Yateziv two minutes before sunrise.

From the beginning of Berachos, there is a set four minutes to Rabbi Yishmael, five minutes to Hodu and 16 minutes to Borechu, with a consistent pace for Pesukei D’Zimra on the way to Borechu. There’s also a suggested limit of 7 minutes for the private Shomoneh Esrai, 6 minutes for Chazra HaShas and 50 minutes from start to finish. So here is what the suggested splits would look like if Naitz was at 6:24 am.

Start: 6:00
Rabbi Yishmael: 6:04
Hodu: 6:05
Borechu: 6:16
Emes V’Atziv: 6:22
Tehilas: 6:23:30
Naitz: 6:24
Chazaras HaShatz: 6:31
Viduy: 6:37
Finished: 6:50

Now I understand what my Rabbi meant when he said it would drive the Baal Tefillah crazy. To tell you the truth, it does get easier as time goes by. Besides the minyan is the slowest non-Yeshiva minyan in town. The people take their davening seriously. And if you’re not davening from the Amud, it’s a real pleasure.

Postscript: It could be worse. Here is an article about the time pressures at other Vasikin Minyanim.

Originally Published August 2014

The Embattled Mi-Shebeirach

It’s a simple prayer, used in a variety of situations. Its goal is to ask Hashem to pour some more beracha (blessing) on the government, on the soldiers, on the sick, on a family member, or a friend. What could be wrong with that? Yet this wonderful prayer meant to invoke goodness and blessing has been in the center of much discussion.

Let’s focus on the Mi-Shebeirach that an Oleh (one called up to the Torah) can say for others. Here’s the Art Scroll translation:
“The One who blessed our forefathers Avraham, Yitzchak and Yaakov, may he bless (names inserted here), that the (name of the Oleh) will contribute charity on their behalf.”

What could be bad? The Shul can raise a little more money, and some more people become the subject of a request for increase blessing. The problem comes in because it’s an “extra” prayer which lengthens the davening. I’m sure many have witnessed a proud grandparent inserting over 20 names of his children and grandchildren, in which case it can lengthen the davening for a minute or two or more. And because the rest of the congregation is not praying during the Mi-Shebeirach, the talking levels tends to increase which takes away from the Shul’s decorum.

These are real issues. Davening is hard. Different people have different levels of Shul stamina. There is an (often unstated) understanding of how long the Shabbos morning davening will take. Lengthening that time can be considered a breach of that understanding. It’s a classic Shul Politics situation!

In the more time-conscious minyanim, the Oleh Mi-Shebeirachs are eliminated altogether. In Shuls where they are made, it’s the Rabbi and Gabbai’s job to maintain and increase sensitivity towards the decorum level during that time. On a personal level, one can pick up a sefer or perhaps say some of the prayers which where skipped.

One last suggestion is that we can think about what is being said and what we are trying to accomplish with the Mi-Shebeirach. Perhaps then we can transform it from a “grin and bear it” to a “smile and embrace it” situation.

The Ramban on the Purpose of Shuls

The Ramban Synagogue, which was founded by the Ramban in 1267 and is the second oldest active synagogue in the Old City of Jerusalem. If you’re in Eretz Yisroel, try to daven there. The Ramban in his Torah Commentary at the end of Parsha Bo explains the purpose of Shuls. Here’s the Ramban:

“When one does a simple mitzvah like mezuzah and thinks about its importance, he has already acknowledged G-d’s creation of the world, G-d’s knowledge and supervision of the world’s affairs, the truth of prophecy and all the foundations of Torah. In addition he has acknowledged G-d’s kindness towards those that perform His will, for He took us from bondage to freedom in great honor in the merit of our forefathers.

That is why Chazal say, be careful in performing a minor commandment as a major one, for all of them are major and beloved since through them a person is constantly acknowledging his G-d. For the objective of all the commandments is that we should believe in G-d and acknowledge to Him that He created us.

In fact this is the purpose of creation itself, for we have no other explanation of creation. And G-d has no desire, except that man should know and acknowledge the G-d that created him. And the purpose of raising our voices in prayer and the purpose of Shuls and the merit of communal prayer is that people should have a place where they can gather and acknowledge that G-d created them and caused them to be and they can publicize this and declare before Him, “We are your creations”.

A powerful statement. When we gather and daven in Shul we’re directly fulfilling the purpose of creation. Certainly puts things in a clarifying perspective.

Slow Down, You Pray Too Fast, Got to Make the Service Last Now…

A friend recently asked “Why do we often say Brochos quickly?”.
The Mesillas Yesharim helps to explain why, and provides a practical path to the remedy.

In the introduction, the Ramchal points out that serving Hashem is not a natural and automatic process, like eating and sleeping. Therefore, we have to first learn what it means to serve Hashem. Then we need to make a serious concerted effort to improve and reach adequate levels of service, since this is the reason why we were created.

The basis of our service of Hashem, is Deutoronomy 10:12 in Parshas Eikev: “And now, Israel, what does Hashem, your God, ask of you? Only…
– to fear (be in awe of) Hashem, your God,
– to go in His ways,
– to love Him,
– to serve Hashem, your God, with all your heart and all your soul,
– to observe the commandments of Hashem and His decrees, which I command you today, for your benefit. “

The Ramchal writes about each of these components, beginning with the loftiest, summarized as follows:
1) fear (awe) of Hashem – like we would fear (be in awe of) a great and awesome king;
2) walking in His ways – refining character traits and reducing self-centeredness, leading to improved relationships;
3) love – in our heart, and being inspired to please Him, like we would want to please our parents;
4) wholeheartedness – doing mitzvos with a focus on serving and connecting to Hashem, with devotion, not by rote; and
5) observance of all the mitzvos – with all their fine points and conditions.

The reason why we say Brochos quickly is that we are focused on the what of the mitzvah, which is just saying it. However, to serve Hashem properly, we need to also focus on the why – consciously connecting to Hashem through the mitzvos, and the how — doing the mitzvos wholeheartedly, with love, without self-centeredness, and with fear.

Improving our service is a process.
A good place to begin this process is by saying one Brocha each day with more focus.

This is what we can focus on when we say a Brocha:
“Baruch” makes us aware that Hashem is the source of all blessing.
“Atah” focuses us on the fact that we’re talking directly to Hashem.
“Hashem” in it’s Yud Kei Vav Kei form, signifies that Hashem always existed and is the source of our existence.
“Elokeinu” says that He is the ultimate authority over all physical and spiritual creations.
“Melech” brings that authority to a more concrete Kingship.
“HaOlam” recognizes that His Kingship extends to the entire universe.

We should share many simchos and continue to travel together on the path of improving our Service of Hashem.

In honor of the upcoming wedding of my daughter.

From Me to Hashem via You

The Ramchal in Derech Hashem lays out our purpose in life. We are born with a primarily self-centered orientation and our mission is to transform ourselves into Hashem-centered people. Improving our character traits (middos) helps us break our self-centered orientation, while doing mitzvos helps us develop a Hashem-centered orientation.

From Rosh Hoshana thru Yom Kippur, since Hashem, Our King, is so prominent, we can accomplish more in the way of Hashem-centeredness. To really take advantage of this we need to break our self-centeredness through middos development.

In the Mesillas Yesharim, the Ramchal lists the four middos which need the most work: Pride, Anger, Envy and Desire for honor and money. All these middos involve other people, and we need to turn down the volume on our perspective and turn up the volume on the other person’s perspective. To the degree we do this and diminsh our self-centerness, is the degree to which we can make Hashem our King and the central force in our lives.

The people we meet in Shul give us many opportunities to diminish our self-centeredness and make Hashem and His mitzvos the focus of our lives. Elul is a great time to take advantage of these opportunities as we travel from Me to Hashem Via You.

Is NuNu a Four Letter Word?

One of the most misunderstood utterances in Shuls is that of NuNu. It is often used by someone who feels that there is an unnecessary delay in the service. Even those of us who wouldn’t utter NuNu, may have had those thoughts running through our mind on some occasion.

On the benefit of the doubt side, the person saying NuNu thinks that there is a correction that needs to be made. It’s often during a part of the davening where he thinks that talking is not permitted, so he says NuNu instead to avoid a possible violation of halacha. Whether it is better or worse halachically, is beyond the scope of this post.

In some ways, NuNu-ing is very similar to the shusher discussed in the “Is Shushing Worse Then Talking in Shul” post. In both cases the person may be right, however the mode of expression is disruptive. I think the NuNu can be more offensive than the Shush.

Another problem is the reason is not always obvious to the target of the NuNu as illustrated by an incident that happened to me. I was davening from the Amud in a Neitz (sunrise) minyan and I had looked at the wrong day on the calendar so I had the wrong Neitz time. A friend who was helping me through the Neitz rookie stage, saw that I was on a pace that would exceed the acceptable Neitz margin of error, so he NuNu’ed me to try and correct the situation. Since I had the wrong time and thought I was on target I couldn’t decipher the meaning of his NuNu and I was late in the start of Shemoneh Esrai.

Chronic NuNu-ers should probably be approached by the Gabbai with the suggestion that the NuNu-er come to the Gabbai to point out problems and he would try to correct them.

In summary, the NuNu-er is very possibly coming from a good place, wanting to make things right, and we should try to view him in that light. On the other hand we should probably try to find other means to communicate if we feel there are corrections to be made.

Pesach, People and Prayers

A number of years ago, a friend bought us a big mural for our Succah that depicted the approach to the Beis HaMikdash during Yom Tov. That image, coupled with memories of tunnel tours and visiting the Old City, paints a picture in my mind of what it will be like when we all gather in Yerushalayim during the Yom Tovim when the Beis HaMikdash is rebuilt. We will have an amazing opportunity for collective spiritual growth.

We needn’t wait for Moshiach to experience some of this. In fact the Ramban writes at the end of Parshas Bo: ”And the purpose of raising our voices in prayer and the purpose of Shuls and the merit of communal prayer is that people should have a place where they can gather and acknowledge that G-d created them and caused them to be and they can publicize this and declare before Him, “We are your creations”.

Every Yom Tov we have the opportunity to experience this growth and particularly on Pesach with its multitude of Hallels. If we can put a little bit of focus into our recitation of Hallel, including the half-Hallels of Chol HaMoed, we can benefit greatly from the Yom Tov, even absent the Beis HaMikdash.

Another major part of Yom Tov is the unity that comes from being with our fellow Jews. On the Yom Tovim millions of Jews will gather together in Yerushalayim. The resulting unity is another key component of growth. We can get a taste of this unity in our Shuls on Yom Tov with all our fellow members and their guests.

Rabbi Yitzchak Kirzner, zt”l, who I had the privilege to learn from for a number of years, said that “All of life is a challenge of not being distracted from the greatness that we can be”. Yom Tov gives us special opportunity to focus on our people and our prayers and thereby grow in our collective greatness.

Chag Kosher V’Someach

The Weekday Shacharis Minyan – It’s Just a Minyan After All

In the past, I posted about a weekday Shacharis minyan mechila experience and the difference between a minyan and a Tzibbur. After giving it some thought, I think a typical weekday Shacharis minyan can not become a Tzibbur.

The main reason is that there is not enough commitment from the members. Most don’t spend enough time there and it’s difficult to developer deeper relationships give the daven and out nature of the minyan. In addition the financial commitment is minimal, which also diminishes the emotional commitment.

Given that the minyan is not a Tzibbur in the fuller sense of the word, it makes sense that those most involved, the Gabbaim, should make the rules. They’re the ones who are most committed to the success of the minyan and they should have the say in what rules to follow. That’s not to say the Gabbaim shouldn’t be open to suggestions, but unlike the Shabbos Shul, the process is less democratic in such an instance.

I mentioned these thoughts to the Gabbai from the Shacharis minyan and he asked what were the added capacities of a Tzibbur. I mentioned the Chesed aspect to him , but I think there’s more to it. I’ll try to codify it in the future.

No Frills Davening

I attended the Torah UMesorah Convention recently, which is an amazing gathering of Teachers and Principals seeking to improve the quality of Limudei Kodesh education in our schools. On Shabbos morning the main minyan began at 8:15 AM with a Hashkama minyan at 7:00 AM. More men attended the Hashkama minyan than the main minyan. It could’ve been the earlier ending time, the lack of speeches, the faster davening or the early kiddush which attracted the bigger crowd. An unscientific small sampling said it was a combination of these factors that contributed to the Hashkama preference.

While discussing this with a friend, he mentioned that he also liked a no-frills davening – adding no misheberachs and minimal announcements to the list of potential benefits. I sometimes opt for a no-frills davening and had planned on attending the convention Hashkama minyan, but my alarm failed. I was planning on joining the main minyan for the speeches as I’ve done at past conventions. As it turned out the main minyan davening and speeches were great.

One might assess this as a different strokes for different folks discussion. Shmuel likes no-frills, Yaakov likes full-frills and Reuvain likes some-frills. Thank G-d many communities can support different options. Nothing to see here, move on, move on. However, I think the growing no-frills preference is a problem. Although ending early with a morning Kiddush is a benefit, the avoidance of speeches diminshes the impact of learning Torah B’Rabbim, one of the most powerful spiritual group activities. Not all speeches are created equal, but attendance is minimally a show of respect for the speaker and for Torah. Faster davening is also of questionable benefit, although I recognize that davening is difficult for many Jews.

However, the problem with no frills davening goes beyond a pros-vs-cons balance sheet. G-d willing this will be elaborated on in a week or two.

My Most Favorite Shul in the World

I love Yerushalayim! I love the buildings. I love the light rail. I love the stores. I love the people. I love the learning. And I love the Shuls. Wherever you turn you can catch a serious Shacharis, Mincha or Maariv.

Of all the places in Yerushalayim, I love the Old City best. The Kotel and the surrounding concentration of Jews, Torah and Shuls brings out the spiritual best in me. And my favorite Shul in Yerushalayim is the Hurva.

The Hurva is a beautiful Shul which runs like clockwork according to the Minhagim of the Gra. Nobody says “Baruch Hu U’Varech Shemo”. On Rosh Chodesh, only the Baal Tefillah says Brochos before and after Hallel and there is no skipping back after the first aliyah of leining. However, one of the most striking things (which I don’t think is a Minhag HaGra), is that the entire Tzibbur sings a 15 minute Hallel together. On the first day of Rosh Chodesh we davened at the Neitz minyan, but on the second day we davened at the 7:45 minyan, where a class of grade school boys added an extra melodic dimension to the Hallel.

Additional fine features of the Hurva is the gathering around for coffee after davening, a super friendly Rav who extends and embraces visitors despite a potential language gap, and a comfortable but cozy women’s section high above the main shul.

I love the Hurva and it’s my favorite place to daven in Yerushalayim, but my most favorite Shul in the world is located at 73rd Avenue and 147st in Kew Gardens Hills. It doesn’t have the inherent holiness of the Old City, nor is the davening as focused as the Hurva, but it does have one thing over all the other Shuls in the World – it is filled with people I love. People with whom I’ve shared the majority of my life through joy, through sorrow, through learning, through tefillah, through chesed, through building, through fund raising and through lasting friendships.

When it comes to Shuls, there’s truly no place like home.

Shabbos Davening at the Holiest Place on Earth

Davening in Yerushalayim is an amazing eclectic experience. In just five days I’ve experienced the Zichron Moshe and Malchei Tzedek minyan factories of Geula, Vasikin at the Kotel, Kabbalos Shabbos at the Mir, Mincha in Meron, and Shabbos Morning at the Holiest Place on Earth.

My friend who has been living and learning in the Old City for the past 40 years davens Shabbos morning at an Old City Yeshivish Ashkenaz minyan deep in the tunnel at the Kotel. The location makes it the closest minyan to the Kodesh Kodashim. My friend has a makom kavuah at the wall, where my son and I joined him for Shabbos.

The start time (this week at 8:30 pm) is 40 minutes before the Gaon’s zman for Krias Shema with a slow Shema and Shemoneh Esrai and no additional lag time, for a total of one hour and 45 minutes from Mizmor Shiur to Shiur Shel Yom. Although the time was straight and orderly, the seats are amazingly scattered, as can be expected at the Kotel. Because my friend is an upstanding minyan regular, I was honored with an Aliyah, and the trek to and back to the bimah was quite an obstacle course – but obviously well worth it.

Even with an inspirational location at the Holiest Place on Earth, comfortable speeds, and an amazing seat, davening is a Service of the Heart, which means what really matters is what’s going on inside the head. So when it comes down to it, it’s not only where you are, but where your head is at.

Greetings of Peace from Yerushalayim!

Beyond Shushing

The Importance of Maintaining Decorum
The laws regarding behavior in Shul discourage most talking. This great set of Synogogue Guidelines by Rabbi Michael Taubes demonstrates the severity of the prohibition of unnecessary conversation and what degree of quiet is required during the various parts of davening.

Our Motivation for Quiet
Despite general knowledge of the laws, people make mistakes and sometimes talk during inappropriate times during davening. This even happens in quiet Shuls. When talking happens we would like it to stop, motivated by a combination of the following factors:
– eliminating something that is disturbing or distracting to us
– preventing the talker from committing a transgression
– helping the Shul to have the proper decorum

Is Shushing Effective?
One of the popular ways to try to stop talking is the shush. It’s certainly better than telling a person to shut-up and perhaps it’s rooted in preventing embarrassment. Although shushing will often result in the talking stopping, without dealing with the underlying causes it’s a stopgap measure and the talking will continue. Another issue regarding shushing is who has the authority to deal with talking, ofttimes it’s not the shusher.

Is Shushing Disruptive?
Sometimes the shushing is more disruptive then the talking, since the talking is often quiet, while the shushing is heard by many. Depending how it is done, shushing can be embarrassing to the talkers, which some people feel is justified. When the shushing continues through the service, it can be a real disruption.

So What’s The Solution?
Talking in Shul is a problem, but coercive behavior change is not effective. Each Shul needs to quantify who are the problem talkers and how to deal with them respectfully on an individual basis. Tolerating occasional talking may be necessary in many situations.

Originally Posted Jan 2012

Davening Above the Din on Yomim Noraim

A number of years back I spent Rosh Hoshana with a good friend of mine at a Hotel based program. My friend was seated between two Rebbeim who would cry quite audibly during the moving “Unsana Tokef” prayer. He related that since he was surrounded by crying, he did the only sensible thing, which was to start crying himself.

For many people, crying is not an option. They understand the seriousness of the Day of Judgement, but we’re not a crying generation. We don’t relate so well to judgement. Rather, many of us are looking for some melodic inspiration, so we can mentally commit to making some improvements in our behavior.

What if you find yourself in a Yeshiva or other din-oriented venue on the Yomim Noraim? You can still chose to make the most out of it. Don’t focus on your dissatisfaction with the davening – that is unlikely to improve the situation. Try to read an inspiring Dvar Torah. Work a little harder on praying with kavanna, especially on the first brocha of Shomoneh Esrai. Make sure you do join in when there are musical moments.

Any effort we make to demonstrate that we want to connect to the day and to Hashem is valuable. And the Yomim Noraim are a time when we get double coupons for our efforts. Let’s hope that we all make the best of these important days.

The SP Guide to a 45 Minute Shacharis

As I walked into the 8:00 Shacharis for the bris of a friend’s grandson, I wished him a Mazal Tov and asked about the pace of the davening. The bris had to take place at 8:45 sharp, and he asked my opinion.

I thought it might be worth the effort to sketch out one possible allocation of times for a 45 minute Shacharis in nusach Ashkenaz.

8:00 – Morning Brachos (6 min)
8:06 – First Kaddish, Mizmor Shiur, Second Kaddish (2 min)
8:08 – Pesukei D’Zimra, Kaddish (9 min)
8:17 – Barechu, Brochas before Krias Shema (2 min)
8:19 – Krias Shema (3 min)
8:22 – Brachos after Krias Shema (2 min)
8:24 – Shemoneh Esrai (7 min)
8:30 – Shemoneh Esrai repetition, Kaddish (6 min)
8:36 – Tachanun (1 min)
8:37 – Ashrei, Uva Lezion, Kaddish (3 min)
8:40 – Alenu, Kaddish (2 min)
8:42 – Song of the Day, Kaddish (2 min)
8:45 – End

Morning Brachos in 6 minutes means a lot of skipping, but you can get in the essentials. If you listen and answer amen to the Baal Tefillah’s Brachos you’ll lose a minute of your own davening time there, so get to Shul early.

The Pesukei D’Zimra time is a little fast for my taste. I would prefer 12 minutes, but that wouldn’t work here where we’re constrained to a 45 minute davening.

The most critical time to set for davening is the time from Barechu to the beginning of Shemoneh Esrai. There are the two times when you need the highest level of Kavannah, during the beginning of the Shema and the beginning of Shemoneh Esrai. If people are davening fast during those times it will be harder for them to slow down and focus. An elapsed time of 7 minutes from Barechu to Shemoneh Esrai is a reasonable Kavannah-achievable pace.

The Shomeneh Esrai is when we are standing and talking directly to Hashem, so I think 7 minutes is a good time to allocate there. I’m also a big proponent of a dignified Shomeneh Esrai repetition and 6 minutes is respectful and is safely beyond AFAHP (as fast as humanly possible) range.

The end of davening on this scheduled is a bit rushed for my taste, but we only have 45 minutes. Going slower and being out of sync with the Tzibbur is less of a problem at this point of the davening.

What this exercise has shown me is that we really need 50 minutes for a dignified davening. If we truly realized what could be accomplished in our hearts, minds and the spirtual worlds during Shacharis we would give Hashem 50 minutes in a flash.

Summertime Davening Blues

Sometimes I wonder what I’m a gonna do
But there ain’t no cure for the summertime davening blues

My weekday Shacharis minyan davens the post Shemoneh Esrai portions a tad too fast for me. My solution was to focus on all the other things I love about the minyan and to daven at least once a week at the slower Yeshiva minyan, conveniently housed in the same building. Given that I had a chasanah and a late l’chaim last night, today was the slow davening day.

The summertime, when the Yeshiva is out of session, is an even greater treat because the large Beis Medrash is hosting about 20-30 men, and there is no concern about taking somebody’s regular seat. Although the total davening time is usually the Yeshiva standard 50 minutes from Hodu, it seems a little slower to me in the summer.

This morning, a friend of mine, who has a great Nusach, davened from the Amud and it took 60 minutes from Hodu. When he walked over to say good morning, I was about to tell him how much I appreciated his fine slow davening. Before I could get the words out, a senior yeshiva resident mentioned that the davening was 10 minutes longer than usual and needed to be sped up in the future. My friend handled the criticism with calmness and excellence and earnestly asked for suggestions on where he should speed up.

After that conversation ended, I mentioned to my friend that although I understood the need for speed limits, I really appreciated his davening this morning. Although it ended on a little bit of a blue note, and it is unlikely that it’ll happen again, I am thankful that this particular summer day got off to such a great slow start.

Sometimes I wonder what I’m a gonna do
But there ain’t no cure for the summertime davening blues

Ruach in the Mountains at Camp Dina

My daughter is working at Camp Dina in the Poconos this summer and my son-in-law is driving the younger kids of the staff to Camp Dora Golding, the companion boys camp. I was very happy that they got away, but there was a tinge of sadness because I would barely see my grandson. When the text came in that we could come up for Shabbos I was overjoyed and excited about some new Shul experiences.

Since we ate our meals in the cabin, we didn’t experience the renowned girl’s camp dining room ruach. Fortunately, it did spilled over into the 20 member male staff and spouse minyan. It began with a spirited all-hands-on-board Chatzi-Carlebach Kabbalos Shabbos. Everybody sang and it rocked the dual purpose shul and music room.

Shacharis had a lazy summer day start, and when I asked what time was Boruchu, I was kindheartedly informed, “whenever we get to it”. The Baalei Tefillah for both Shacharis and Mussaf were excellent. It was fascinating that they had so many good Baalei Tefillah among the 20 males. Those who read the Torah were all well prepared. Unfortunately, the camp Rabbi did not give a drasha, but I spent some great time talking to him about his Kiruv Shul experiences in Irvine, California.

The kiddush after davening was amazing. The shnapps were good, and I’m not a big herring fan, but the ruach carried on. There were a number of spirited zemiros sung during the take it slow kiddush. And to top it off, there were a few Dvar Torahs. Everybody was very friendly. It was great Shabbos morning.

I was prepared for a great Shul experience with a focus on connection, and the Ruach in the Mountain Minyans truly exceeded even my optimistic expectations.

The Simplicity of Monsey Minyanim

I spent last Shabbos in Monsey and two of the minyanim in which I davened were in houses. One was a neighbor on the block of my host who had a little trouble walking the few blocks to the closest Shul. The other was a regular Shabbos morning minyan convening in a converted basement.

There were no rabbis, no presidents, no boards, no dues and no rules. There were just 10+ people joining together to daven with a minyan. And it worked fine. The only thing stopping me from connecting to Hashem were my own concentration limitations.

I love my Shul with its wonderful Rabbi, chevra, chesed focus, Torah learning and growth opportunities, but it’s nice to get back to experience the simplicity of a Shul and to re-focus on the Shul’s primary purpose, which is connection to Hashem through davening with a minyan.

Preventing a Shabbos of Brocha from Space and Time Overflow

Unlike the 700 member, 10-15 aliyos mega-service at the YI of Woodmere, our Shul typically has about 100 men, 7+1 aliyos, and a 8:30-10:45 davening, with a drasha, on Shabbos. So it was with a little trepidation that we prepared for what was coined the “Shabbos of Brocha”. It started with a graduation kiddush and Rabbi Avrohom Stulberger from LA as our Scholar-in-Residence. Then we added an Aufruf. Then a Shalom Zucker. And finally it was topped off by the brisim of twins.

We were filled with joy, but we were also concerned for an overflow into the space and time continuums. How crowded would it be with all the guests and how long would the davening be with the extra Scholar in Residence drasha, the Rav’s drasha for the aufruf, and the two brisim.

On the space frontier, we enlisted a few more seat gabbaim, prepared the hallways with extra folding chairs, and sent a heads up email to the membership, reiterating our no-makom-kavua policy for simchas. We also advised people to get their early, if possible. As it turned out, seating was not an issue. Some members davened elsewhere. In addition, the Bris guests did not realize the first bris would be before Mussaf and the second bris after davening, and many came after davening was over, unfortunately missing one of the brisim.

On the time continuum, Rabbi Stulberger made great use of the 8-10 minutes he was allotted for his drasha. The davening was sped up slightly. There were only 2 extra aliyos. The misheberachs were said quickly and the gabbaim were on there toes to preventing any unnecessary schlepping. And they succeeded! We were enjoying cholent and kugel at the kiddush by about 11:30 am.

As a member said afterwards, it was like preparing for Hurricane Gloria and it never came. Nonetheless everyone agreed that it’s always wise to make sure you have a big enough cup to handle all your brochos.

Young Israel of Woodmere – Growth Culture Shuls Comes in All Sizes

I’ve written about The Rise of The Growth Culture Shul in the past, but the Young Israel of Woodmere is an example of a large growth culture Shul with many lessons to be learned.

It wasn’t always that way. In a must-read short article from 2007, THE SILENT REVOLUTION: How One Shul Put an End to Talking During Tefillah, Rabbi Danny Frankel (no relation) describes how the Young Israel of Woodmere transformed itself from a culture of non-stop talking to one where hundreds of people have worked on and improved their understanding and practice of prayer.

I was talking to a Baalei Teshuva friend who was a little frustrated with the talking in his Shul. I explained that it is easy for a BT who comes to davening as a mature adult and takes it serious from the start. But many people were exposed to davening when they were younger in Shuls where talking was the norm. Those habits are much harder to break. But the YI of Woodmere did just that, on a grand scale.

Highlights of their effort include:
– Getting a signed commitment for decorum from more than 1,000 members
– Streamlining the davening by 15-30 minutes each Shabbos
– Increasing the coordination and effectiveness of the Gabbaim
– Providing more education on Tefillah, the parsha and the haftorah

It hasn’t stopped there. They’ve have recently announced that Rabbi Shay Schachter has recently joined the Shul and will be starting a new, comprehensive Bais Medrash program. This in addition to an already strong education program headed by their rabbinic team.

When a Shul builds a growth culture it creates a flourishing community regardless of the size. Yasher Koach to the Young Israel of Woodmere!

Appreciating Fast Minyanim

In a previous post, I discussed the Matzah Minyan which allegedly finishes an entire weekday Shacharis is 18 minutes. After reading the article, a friend made some good points about faster davening, which I would like to discuss along with a few points of my own.

Everybody approaches davening in a unique way. I started davening when I was in my twenties and I took it seriously from the start. Even though I’ve worked hard on improving over the years, I still have so far to go in terms of my pronunciation, concentration and understanding. It’s a lifelong pursuit.

People who started davening before their Bar Mitzvah established patterns when they were young. These patterns can be hard to change. Some worked on it more seriously in their late teens and 20s, some in midlife, and some even later. Between the different starting points and different rates of change, we have a wide range of davening speeds and styles, but it’s probably safe to say that we all can improve in this area.

Those committed to a daily minyan have made a serious commitment to their davening. Not everyone takes the trouble to daven every day with a minyan and those that do realize that it will positively affect their davening. It’s no small thing, no matter how fast the minyan or the daveners.

How fast the davening should be in a given minyan filled with a wide range of preferences is not a simple decision. The rule of thumb is probably that it should be as fast as it was yesterday. Hopefully we can find a way to collectively work on improving, but until then the slower daveners can come early and leave late and figure out the proper pace in order to start the Shemoneh Esrai with the Shliach Tzibbur. We’re all in this together and that’s the point that makes us a Tzibbur.

Software is Eating Davening

In 2011, Marc Andreesen, one of the world’s top tech investors, penned a piece in the the WSJ titled “Why Software Is Eating The World”. The thesis is that cheap computing, combined with massive connectivity, and billions holding a powerful pocket-size computer, will change how business is done in almost every industry. Business and government will spend billions of dollars trying to connect with us on our smart phones on a regular basis.

Most of us have already been effected by this change as we check our emails, texts and social messages many times a day. And as I recently told my Rav, it will only get worse as more and more of our daily and business lives with require the use of our smartphones.

One specific area of concern is smartphone use in Shuls. Although most people in my neighborhood successfully silence their smartphones during the silent Shomoneh Esrai, it’s very tempting to sneak a peak to see if a notification of interest has arrived during davening down times. An increase in this seemingly harmless activity leads to more distraction in our extremely difficult task of focused davening.

In our troubled times we need tefillah to keep connected to Hashem, to strengthen our emunah and to request help for our troubles. Increasing our distractability is not the direction that makes sense. I think we need a set of sensible guidelines to prevent software from eating davening. Stay tuned.

A Tale of Two Minutes

In a recent post, titled Positively Powerful Prayer, I mentioned my short speech at the end of my 11th month of Aveilus. In that speech I encouraged the members of my weekday Naitz minyan to tell the Gabbai that they agreed with his proposition to start our davening two minutes early to be able to say Berachos and Pesukei D’Zimra a little slower.

As it turned out a number of members did speak to the Gabbai and the decision was made to extend the davening by two minutes. I knew from my Shul experience that the nays usually speak louder and active encouragement was needed to get the yays to speak.

The date for the new davening times was set for the 2nd of Nissan or Sunday, March 22nd. It was the day before the Yahrzeit of my father, which I initially thought was on the Monday, the 3rd of Nissan. However, this past Shabbos, the Gabbai Shlishi in my Shabbos Shul, EH, told me that the Shul database had my father’s Yahrzeit listed as Moatzae Shabbos, the 2nd of Nissan.

I checked with my Rav and he informed me that if the burial (kevurah) is 2 or more Hebrew calendar days after the death, then the Yahrzeit in the first year is on the day of burial. If the burial is 1 hebrew calendar day or less within the death, then the first Yahrzeit is on the day of the death. Since the burial in my case was 1 Hebrew calendar day, the first Yahrzeit was on the 2nd of Nisan.

I informed the Naitz minyan Gabbai that I had made a mistake and my father’s Yahrzeit was on Sunday. He said the Amud was mine. After davening, the Gabbai said it was fitting that I davened from the Amud on the first day of our 2 minute extended davening. He mentioned that he had wanted to extend the times, but he was encouraged to propose the move as a result of discussions we had on improving the davening in our minyan. He also mentioned how my appeal to members resulted in a number of people telling the Gabbai they approved of the proposal.

It’s only 2 minutes, but it does make a difference. And that difference will be felt by the approximately 20 people who come on time each day. It comes to over 12,000 minutes of extra davening a year and some of that merit will accrue to my father as a result of my involvement in the davening in his memory. It’s encouraging to see Hashem’s hand helping our efforts to increase the spiritual sensitivity of our Shuls.

Defining Davening Up

“Defining deviancy down” was the title of an 1993 essay by New York Senator Daniel Patrick Moynihan in which he warned against accepting lower standards of behavior as normative.

Unfortunately we see this trend in spiritual activities in our community such as davening. We have accepted the fact that we generally don’t focus on what were saying during davening. It’s reached the point where many don’t even try for the halachically required focus during the Shema and first paragraph of Shemoneh Esrai.

Just like Senator Moynihan fought against this trend, so can we can. Focus during davening is possible and many people I know have worked hard to improve their davening. There are also minyanim that have lengthened their weekday Shacharis over the years so they can daven with a little more focus, even though most people need to get to work in the morning.

These individuals and minyanim have heeded the call for the need to increase emunah in our times. It’s become clear to them that we need to focus more on Hashem during davening, in order to increase our emunah in the remaining moments of our lives.

We can define davening up by focusing more when we daven! We can define davening up by asking our Rebbeim and Gabbaim to make the davening a little slower! And if enough of us heed this cry we can positively and practically have an amazing effect on our entire spiritual world.

I Found The Perfect Minyan

I didn’t really expect to find the perfect minyan on my recent business trip to the National Association of Jewish Day Schools. My weekday minyan davens at Neitz. We daven at a good pace. It’s extremely quiet, and because it’s Neitz, the majority of us are literally on the same page throughout the davening.

At about 6:45 am, I went to the lobby and climbed the staircase lodged between the Starbucks and the Avis Rental Car to get to the 7 am Shacharis. The first nice surprise was that it looked like this first minyan would be unified. It was great to see that Achdus trumped the convenience and practically of a minyan factory, often present at other large Jewish Conventions.

As I scouted out for a good seat, I realized that we would be starting Shomoneh Esrai close to Neitz and sure enough the Gabbai soon announced that we would try to hit Neitz at about 7:17. So far so good. However, the 17 minutes from start to Neitz was much shorter than the 24 minutes I was used to So I had to quickly arrive at a strategy of speed and skip so I could comfortably say the Shema and start with the Tzibbur at Neitz.

It was a good minyan, and then I realized it was a great minyan. There was nothing in the time or the speed that was preventing me from davening a focused Pesukei D’Zimra, Shema and Shemoneh Esrai. The only limitation was mine, and Hashem was granting another opportunity to face it. Here was another opportunity to connect to Hashem, right here, right now – no excuses!

I had finally found the perfect minyan and I’m hoping I’ll be able to find it again within me.

Positively Powerful Prayer

I davened my last Shacharis of my aveilis on Wednesday. My 11 months of saying Kaddish is over on Shabbos, and my Rav said that we should not daven from the Amud in the 12th month. Since the minyan where I daven Shacharis does not allow aveilim to daven on Rosh Chodesh, Wednesday was my last one.

The beginning months were difficult, due to my inexperience, the pressure to daven faster and make more mistakes, and the many corrections that were offered. But, as I entered the final month, the mistakes, corrections and time pressures decreased and it gave me the opportunity to appreciate and understand the collective needs of the Tzibbur.

I think the Tzibbur and Gabbaim were a little surprised when I paused before Aleinu on Wednesday, asked for quiet, and gave a 20 second farewell speech. I explained this was my last time at the Amud and I praised the Tzibbur for their strong Amens and responses during Kedusha and Kaddish. I then thanked them for their sensitivity when making corrections. And finally I thanked them for encouraging or tolerating the speed of my davening. I also endorsed a suggestion made by the Gabbai to add two minutes to the beginning of davening for Berachos and Pesukei D’Zimra.

Davening is a very difficult and a very personal endeavor. I think most observant Jews want to improve their davening, but we’re all following different paths to get there. It’s pretty amazing that we actually daven together 3 times a day. Our differences will inevitably lead to conflicts, but reflection leads to an appreciation of the positively powerful prayer of the Tzibbur.

Ten Great Things About Praying At the Kotel

Greetings from the Holy Land. Here are 10 great things about praying at the kotel.

1. There are minyanim around the clock.

2. You’re standing right near the awesomeness of the Har Habayis.

3. The feeling of achdus as a result of davening with so many different types of Jews is palpable.

4. There are so many serious daveners around to inspire us to take our tefillah higher.

5. There is an elevated feeling of holiness there.

6. The silent Shomoneh Esrai for Mincha/Maariv is around 9 minutes, compared to about 6 minute silent Shomoneh Esrai in the states.

7. It’s much easier to observe the halacha of picturing yourself in the Holy of Holies.

8. People don’t pressure the Baal Tefillah to go faster or slower.

9. People are helpful and accommodating.

10. It’s easier learn how to get past distractions and focus on your davening.

Timing Tefillah

Davening is such an individual matter. Some people will daven their silent Shemoneh Esrai in 2 minutes and others will take 9 minutes or more. Most Shacharis Minyanin are end-time focused so the time for the silent Shemoneh Esrai is somewhat constrained, but at Minchah and Maariv there is a little more leeway.

There are basically three options for choosing Silent Shomoneh Esrai Times at Mincha and Maariv:
– have an official time range
– have an unofficial time range
– have no set times and hope people will wisely use their discretion

I haven’t found many Shuls with an official time range. This is probably because it puts too much pressure on the Baal Tefillah and puts too much power into the hands of the mispallim, to give a “Nu Nu” when the official time expires. The benefits of an official time range is that everybody knows the performance requirements and everybody is on the same page.

Many Shuls have an unofficial time range. The reason this usually works is that the total length of the minyan is generally known and the Baal Tefillah usually keeps within that range. There is some wiggle room if the Baalei Tefillah isn’t aware of the timing or doesn’t meet the performance requirements. The downsides are that there could be a 2-5 minute variation from one day to the next and the Baal Tefillah will sometimes daven fast and wait or daven too slow and have to speed up because they miscalculated.

Some places have no set rules. In fact one place I know of explicitly states that it is a slow davening minyan, although exactly what that means is not defined. These places are an oasis for slow davening Baalei Tefillah, but can be difficult for the mispallim. I remember a 26 minute Mincha, which is considerably longer than the slow and respectable 15-18 minute minyan that we usually find there.

An additional problem can arise when the Rabbi of the Shul is davening. In some places, it is a common etiquette to wait for the Rabbi to finish their Shemoneh Esrai and then to start the repetition (or the Kaddish at Maariv) when he steps back (if there are enough people finished). In those situations, the Baal Tefillah can daven their silent Shemoneh Esrai on the fast side, so as not to be caught flat-footed. However if one wants to make every Tefillah count, then that’s not always a great alternative. Perhaps a minimum time for the silent Shemoneh Esrai would make sense in these situation, but I haven’t seen it enacted yet.

Some people sigh when they read a post about Timing Tefillah, but our service to Hashem and our consideration for others often intersects at a place called Shul Politics.

In and Out of Sync

When you’re saying Kaddish, you develop a camaraderieship with the other people in your regular minyanim who are also saying Kaddish. Part of this fellowship revolves around the fact that you will be saying Kaddish together on a regular basis for the next few months. The ideal is for the group saying Kaddish to synchronize, primarily so that people don’t have a question of when to answer Amen. But also because it sounds much better when the Kaddish is synchronized.

The person leading the davening has the right to set the pace, but in the two main places that I daven, we have established a set cadence and speed at which we usually say Kaddish. It works pretty well, except when it doesn’t. Problems arise when a regular Kaddish sayer doesn’t stay in sync, or when a non-regular doesn’t keep in sync.

There are a few reasons people don’t keep in sync:
1) They don’t realize that it is preferable to keep in sync
2) They don’t realize that the minyan has an established speed and cadence
3) They would prefer that people sync with them, instead of them trying to sync with the others
4) They’re not able to keep in sync

Some Shuls have the custom that everybody gathers in the center of the Shul when the group Kaddishes are said. This increases the awareness that synchronization is important and it also increases the probability that decent synchronization will be achieved. Other Shuls don’t have this custom and they’re hoping synchronization can be achieved without it.

The question is what to do when people are out of sync. If they will be saying Kaddish regularly with the group, then it probably makes sense to give it a few more times to see if they start to synchronize. If they don’t, then a decision has to made whether anybody should approach them to try to rectify the situation. If it’s thought that the person is capable and would be willing to keep in sync, then either the Gabbai or one of the Kaddish sayers should probably approach them with the proper correction sensitivities.

If a person is not a regular then it’s a little more difficult to correct it on the spot. I had that situation the other day when I was leading the davening and saying Kaddish at the established speed and a newcomer was saying it much faster then the rest of us. In this situation I increased my volume and was able to clue him in to the fact that we had set slower pace and he did get in sync. On another recent occasion the out-of-sync’er just did his own thing through out the Kaddish. My Rav said that the leader of the minyan has the right to try to assert control and set the pace, but if he isn’t able to do so, there’s not much that can be done.

In the total scheme of Shul issues, an out of sync Kaddish is not such a big deal. However, it’s good when it’s in sync, and in many situations that can be achieved with a little sensitivity and effort.

Connection Before Correction

Readers of this site know that this is my year of living dangerous, as I have taken the amud on a regular basis for the first time in my life. I’m getting better at davening, but not being a great reader, I make mistakes in pronunciation, especially when I rush or feel pressured. Because we pasken that exact pronunciation is not required, on-the-spot corrections are not necessary. Some of my closer friends have pointed out some consistent errors, and since they showed care and compassion, it wasn’t too painful.

What’s interesting about davening Shacharis is that the brochos are often the first sounds coming out of your mouth. On a recent trip to the Amud, those first words revealed a post-nasal drip driven horse-ness which was not a good sign for the upcoming 50 minute Shacharis. In addition I made some pronunciation mistakes right off that bat. I got through it, but it was a stressful Shacharis.

After davening I was going to get my coffee for my daily dose of the daf, and I saw an acquaintance who is not a regular minyan member, rush out after me. I knew what was coming and before he said anything, I said “Don’t correct me”. He was taken off guard and he said he just wanted to wish me words of consolation. I said thank you and then he asked, “Can I correct you?”. I politely told him no and said that he should speak to the Gabbai, which was the procedure that had been established to handle corrections.

The next day he was there again, and I motioned to him to step outside and I asked him to please not look for corrections. He told me he has been correcting people for years and this was the first time anybody objected. I tried to explain how this was still difficult for me and how correction usually required a closer relationship than we had. He would have none of it and he insisted that his corrections were the right thing. I decided not to daven from the amud that day.

After davening, I related the incident to a friend for a specific reason, without mentioning names. He shook his head knowingly, and told me the corrector had corrected him in the past and he was upset by it. He did not say anything, because he didn’t want to get into it with the corrector.

We all find ourselves in potentially correction situations including shushing, seating conflicts, meetings and other situations. It’s easy to forget the connection before correction rule. Even if we have a good relationship, we have to be sure the person will accept the correction and will not be insulted by it. It’s difficult, but with more awareness I think we can all improve here.

The Chesed Behind Answering Amen

The halachic importance of answering Amen can not be minimized. The folks at Halachipedia compiled a number of sources to inform us:

Chazal viewed the recitation of Amen very highly. In fact, Chazal tell us that responding Amen is of greater significance than reciting the Beracha. The failure to recite Amen is considered a gross transgression, while responding Amen with great concentration opens the gates of Gan Eden.

In addition to the man-to-God aspect in the answering of Amen, I’d like to discuss a man-to-man aspect.

When you’re davening from the Amud, it’s very lonely, except for the imaginary man on your right shoulder telling you to go faster, and the one on your left insisting that you slow down. Unfortunately neither of those voices provides much comfort. But when you hear the Tzibbur collectively answer Amen, you feel that something tangible has been accomplished with your brocha, or with your Kaddish.

This goes beyond the great z’chus for a deceased relative if you’re an Aval. When the Tzibbur answers Amen to each Brocha, we are bringing awareness of Hashem and His presence into the world. And that’s the reason why we we’re davening, in fact that’s the reason we were created. What could be better than that?

One of the wonderful things about my morning minyan of about 30 daveners, is the fact that we have a very high Amen rate. I would say it’s 90% or higher. When you hear that chorus, each brocha takes on a new meaning. You feel transformed from a sometimes-less-than-perfect reader, to a catalyst for collective spiritual growth. And that’s something that can really make your morning.

There’s tremendous power in the Amen. If you haven’t been motivated by the Chazals on the subject, please think about the tremendous chesed your are doing for the Baal Tefillah, as you make it clear that he’s not just today’s daily reader, rather he is a part of an important service to God.

Unsafe at any Speed – Davening from the Amud

My father passed away on the 2nd day of Nissan (April 2nd), so I have been in Aveilus for a little over 2 months. Prior to that I had never davened from the Amud (led the service). In this post, we’ll look at one of the trickier parts of davening from the Amud, going at the right speed.

What makes davening speed tricky is that in any given minyan, there will be people who prefer a slower davening and those who like their prayer a little faster. In addition, not everybody has the ability to daven fast, so it may be difficult for a person to meet the minyan’s speed requirement.

I think I’m getting faster, but currently I daven about 1-3 minutes slower than the average Mincha or Maariv in my neighborhood. In my own Shul, I’ll take the amud and the members seem to be willing to put up with my minor speed deficiency. Another consideration that comes in to play here, and at any minyan where the Shul’s Rabbi is davening, is to make sure that you finish your silent Shemoneh Esrai before, or concurrently, with the Rabbi. I daven faster in these situations because I don’t want to see the Rav taking 3 steps back, while I’m still in Shema Koleinu.

Shacharis is more difficult because people have to get to work, so there’s more of a pressure to go faster. I daven weekdays at a Neitz minyan which is currently starting at 5:00 AM and ending on Tuesdays Wednesdays and Fridays at 5:45 AM. Nonetheless there are people at that time who still want the Baal Tefilah to go as fast as possible. This minyan also has a number of “take-it-very-seriously” daveners, so there is a contingent of “go slower”s. I haven’t davened from the amud there yet, but I plan to in the upcoming months.

I should point out that nobody has said anything to me about the speed of my davening, nor have I heard anybody utter a “Nu”. If anything people, have encouraged me to daven from the Amud. Nevertheless, I do feel that when davening from the amud one should try to daven at a speed that’s acceptable to the majority.

The Many Fine Minyanim at Torah Mesorah

I spent this past Shabbos at the Torah Mesorah convention and when 1,800 people gather, an estimated 1,000 of them men, you can be sure there will be more than one minyan. In fact from Friday morning through Sunday morning there were almost continuous minyanim during prime davening times.

If all things are equal, then davening with the biggest minyan is best, because of the concept of b’rov am hadras melech (“in multitudes there is glorification of the king”). However, things are often not equal and davening in a smaller minyan is an acceptable choice for a given service. At the convention, the main minyanim for the weekday davenings was at slower pace, about 50-60 minutes for Shacharis, so many people opted for one of the smaller minyan which were starting in 2 other locations every 20-30 minutes or so.

On Shabbos morning there were three scheduled minyanim, a Neitz Minyan starting at 5:00 am, a Hashkomah Minyan at 6:45 am and the main minyan at 8:00 am. The main minyan had drashas scheduled before Krias HaTorah by Rabbi Dovid Harris (Queens) and Before Mussaf by Rabbi Malkiel Kotler (Lakewood). Although in previous years, I remember a bigger Neitz Minyan, this year there were only about 15-20 people there. My plan was to go to the Hashkomah, make kiddush, go to the drashas in the main minyan, and learno the Daf in the time snippets between the drashas and before lunch.

The Hashkomah minyan was one of the most distinguished ones I’ve ever davened at, primarily because Rabbi Shmuel Kamentzky (Philadelpia) and Rabbi Malkiel Kotler (Lakewood) davened there. The pace was perfect (for me) not too fast and not too slow. There were about 150-180 people davening. All the Aliyah’s were auctioned off, raising a respectful amount of money. And finally there was a well supplied hot kiddush with good drinks, set up on either end of the large conference room in which we davened.

I was speaking to my Rav about my Hashkomah choice and he said that for a given davening, choosing a minyan because you want to learn more or for convenience is not a problem. However, not davening with the regular Shul minyan on a weekly basis raises some other issues, which we will discuss in a future post.