Events Archives - Shul Politics

Speeches Are The Best Part of the Shul Dinner

Our Shul Dinner was last night, 5/26/2022, and it was quite a surprise when the honorary, a good friend of mine, read excerpts of this post from 2015, during his speech.

The Shul Dinner is a great event: a celebration of your Shul; a night out with friends; some decent food; and a chance to enjoy some speeches. Sometimes I have trouble enjoying the speeches, but when I focus on the following points, it’s easier.

My Rav pointed out that the speeches are the main part of the dinner. We often take our Shuls for granted and don’t focus on how central they are in our lives. Unlike any institution, only the Shul is the place where we learn, daven, and do chesed, the three pillars on which the world stands. The Shul focused parts of the speeches help us appreciate the centrality of those activities and the Shul’s role regarding them.

Being thankful is a trait we all need to improve and the speeches contain thanks for those who keep the Shul running. We may find it difficult to personally thank those who serve, but we can be thankful in our hearts when we hear their roles mentioned. We don’t usually need help spotting imperfections, but we do need help from the speeches to focus on the goodness of those who serve.

Although looking for kavod is not a good trait, giving others kavod is a positive trait we need to improve. Rabbi Yitzchak Kirzner zt”l points out that giving kavod to others helps us to properly give kavod to Hashem. The thanks to the honorees gives them the kavod they deserve. Our paying attention to their praise allows us to partake of this noble activity from the comfort of our seats.

The last component is the speeches of the honorees. Most of us are not entertaining or gifted public speakers. However, the honorees want to take this opportunity to share. To share some Torah. Share some thoughts. Share a part of themselves. When we get past the length or delivery, we get a glimpse and a connection to the heart that they’re exposing and sharing.

I’ll be the first to admit that it’s not easy to love the speeches more than the shmorg, but I think this closer look makes it obvious that the speeches benefit us spiritually, and that’s why they’re the main part of the dinner.

Originally Published 4/2015

Shul Things That Don’t Scale

Scaling is a term popularized in the tech startup world*. The concept is that a small group of about 3 designers and developers create a product and try to get in in the hands of a small group of between 100 to 1000 users. The developers iterate a few releases of the product based on user feedback and usage metrics. When they feel that they have a product that users love, they try to scale it to a much large group via sales, marketing, and business development.

For Shuls, scaling would consist of taking an experience that some people find valuable and getting more Shul members to participate. However there are a number Shul things that don’t scale well – and that’s ok.

One example is the small kiddush after davening. A dozen or so people get together around a table over some schnaps and chips. They shmooze for 30 minutes or so, often with a short dvar Torah. Over time deeper connections are built among the members of this group. It works because it’s small and consists of longer uninterrupted conversations with a small group of people. The larger Shul kiddush and Shalosh Seudis is also valuable for conversation and connection, but the intimacy of the small kiddush gives it certain connection advantages.

Another thing that usually doesn’t scale are shiurim. For in-depth shiurim, you need a certain level of knowledge and the desire and ability to focus for 45 minutes or so. A majority of people will not meet these criteria for various reason, but those participating receive a lot of benefit from the in-depth learning. A daily Daf Yomi shiur, which is often supplemented by Art Scroll, and trades-off depth for breadth, will usually not get a Shul majority. People often chose the options of learning with a chavrusa or by themselves. Nevertheless, weekly or daily shiurim are extremely valuable for those that do participate.

A third thing that doesn’t scale is a Shul social event, whether it be a picnic, a Melava Malka, or other special event. People have differing schedules and a specific time will usually not work for a number of people. Secondly, different people have different social appetities and social events are not appealing to all members. But once again, they are very valuable for those who do participate.

I think the takeaway is that although number of participants is an important metric, it is clearly not the only one, and might not even be the most important one.

* In a classic article by one of the most knowledgeable startup investors, Paul Graham suggests that startups Do Things That Don’t Scale

The Wisdom of Guest Seating

The Ramchal in the introduction to Mesillas Yesharim states that only serving Hashem is considered true Wisdom. I usually explain this idea as follows: Wisdom is applied knowledge. Torah must be studied in depth to pick up its many nuances. Then, that Torah knowledge must be applied to each situation. Since every life situation is unique, and the Torah addresses each situation, we need to apply Torah to the our life, minute by minute. This is true wisdom.

We had an Aufruf in our Shul recently with many guests which illustrates the above principle. Some Shuls take a blanket approach of never asking a guest to take another seat. Other Shuls are not guest-friendly and have no qualms about asking anyone to move to another seat. Our Shul takes a balanced approach trying to accomodate both our guests and our members.

On this recent Aufruf Shabbos we began with an early assessment of what seats were available. As guests walked in, three people guided them to available seats. After about 10-15 minutes the clearly available seats were taken. We then made an assessment of which people probably weren’t coming, and which people are more easy going in terms of not having their regular seats. We guided the guests to those seats. If a guest took a seat before we could show them an available one, we made an assessment of whether they should be asked to move to a different seat. As more people came in, we had to decide the best places to add folding chairs. At Borechu, the supervised seating process was over, and we attended to our davening.

In every shul situation we should strive to properly apply the wisdom of the Torah. What a challenge! What an opportunity!

Messages From My Grandson’s Bris

The remnants from the Shalom Zucher were scattered around the dining room during Shabbos lunch as my son-in-law casually remarked: “We would like you to be the Sandek at the Bris”. My heart filled with joy and I could only muster a three letter interjection in response: “Wow”. After gaining some composure, I thanked my children and said it would be a tremendous honor.

The next day I contacted two friends who were previously Sandekim and asked them how they prepared. They told me what their research had uncovered, including a trip to the mikvah. At the mikvah, a third friend shared some additional insights. Most of the ideas shared are applicable for any person attending any bris, so I wanted to share them with you.

The first idea is that the Bris is considered the spiritual birth of the boy baby. It is the first spiritual act in which the baby is involved and we should pray that the baby will continually pursue their purpose, which is a life focused and filled with spirituality. It is also an opportunity for us to commit more fully to a spiritually focused life.

During the actual Bris, the cries of the baby and the Mesiras Nefesh involved activates Hashem’s attributes of loving-kindness and mercy. This creates an opportune time to daven to Hashem for our special needs and the needs of our friends and family.

Finally, the Bris is a sign that focusing on the spiritual over the physical is especially necessary in those areas which have tremendous physical pull. We can use the occasion to re-energize our own committment in these challenging areas.

Being the Sandek at my grandson’s bris was a tremendous event, but focusing on the ideas behind every bris helps make our life’s spiritual purpose a more central part of our lives.

Rabbis and Doctors in Life and Death

It’s been quite a Nissan for me. My son came home for Pesach from Eretz Yisroel, my father passed away after a long bout with cancer, we spent a wonderful Pesach with all our children by us for the seder, and my daughter gave birth to our first grandson. Besides the emotional whirlwind, the experience gave me a deeper appreciation of the importance of good Rabbis and good doctors.

During my father’s illness, we had to battle the medical system which wanted to brand my father a no-more-treatment hospice patient, while his wishes were to have any relatively benign treatments that would prolong his life. While lamenting about my battles during the shiva, a good doctor friend explained that there are many treatment and non-treatment options available, but you need a good personal doctor to apply the right treatment for each patients particular needs and situation. It’s usually not a simple decision, despite the apparent confidence of the medical staff.

My daughter’s 48 hour birthing experience highlighted the variety of medical intervention available at many stages in the birthing process. The mother with the help of her support people has to navigate decisions balancing pain, comfort, risk and the dictates of medical procedures. Although medicine strives for repeatable “successful” processes, the reality is that each birth presents a unique situation for this mother, with this baby and the particulars of this birth.

My Rabbi had by far the hardest role during these events. The life and death treatment decisions are agonizing and it’s usually not a case of clear cut halacha, but rather hadracha. Burials and shivas are filled with almost daily questions. Birthing over Shabbos has its own set of issues. And a good Rabbi is there for advice, support, comfort and friendship 24 hours a day.

It’s important to find yourself a good primary care physician. It’s even more important to find a good Rabbi who is there for you when you need him.

The Scholar in Residence

Our yearly Scholar in Residence is an event that we have found very beneficial for our Shul. I’ll try to layout some of the issues involved in planning and running a scholar in residence in this post.

The first task is selecting the speaker. We have found that speakers fall into one of two broad categories, inspirational or source based. Although many speakers have both characteristics, they generally can be classified as primarily one or the other. We try to mix it up from year to year since we have a relatively learned Shul and they appreciate both types of speakers.

Since we’re a low-budget organization, we usually pay $1,800 for a scholar for the Shabbos and we’ll add travel expenses if the speaker is coming from out of town. We have found that many people are willing to co-sponsor this event.

Most years our venue is a 45-50 minute Friday Night Shiur, a 20 minute Shabbos Drasha and at 30-40 minute Shalosh Seudos speech. This year we added a 30 minute Sit Down Kiddush shiur after davening and a Melava Malka for a total of five talks. Since we can never predict how many people will come out on Friday Night and Moatza’ei Shabbos, we try to have those talks in people’s homes so that even if we get only 20-30 people, it’s respectable. We usually work with the Scholar to decide on the topics for the talks.

We try to find a comfortable house for the Scholar to stay, with the meals hosted by the Rabbi and Rebbetzin on Shabbos and the education chairman on Friday night to help make the logistics go more smoothly. We try to escort the Scholar to all of the minyanim and all the speaking venues, although many of them prefer to find their own way, once they’re comfortable with the neighborhood.

With solid support from many members for the hosting and food setup, we’ve had great logistic success for these events. The members always express much appreciation and we think it’s an integral program for Shul success.