Food Archives - Shul Politics

Four Dimensional Flourishing in Shuls on Shabbos

Four Dimensional Flourishing is a framework developed by Mark Frankel and David Linn. The goal of FDF is to increase the amazing-ness quotient in our lives. We’ve compiled a booklet and given two seminars on the subject.

What does an amazing life look like? It’s a life where we experience physical pleasure without being controlled by it. A life where we reduce our anger and envy and develop happiness, and deep connections to others. It’s living in a way that finds significance and meaning even in seemingly mundane endeavors. It’s having a clear understanding of our purpose, and living each day in accordance with that purpose.

The first step on the road to a flourishing life is understanding that all human experiences fall into four dimensions: physical, emotional, mental and spiritual. To flourish, we need to know the goals we are striving for in each dimension. In the physical realm, we are looking for pleasure. Emotionally, we are in pursuit of happiness. In the mental realm, we are searching for meaning. And in the spiritual dimension, we seek to fulfill our purpose.

In each dimension, there is a central habit that is critical to flourishing and a major deterrent that distances us from flourishing. In order to increase the degree of flourishing we experience in our lives, we need to develop these habits and address these deterrents.

Shuls on Shabbos provide a great opportunity for Four Dimension Flourishing. Onegs, Shabbos Kiddushim and Shalosh Seudos provide pleasure in the physical dimension with the key component that there is a mitzvah to have physical pleasure on Shabbos.

In the emotional realm, connecting to people is one of our primary sources of happiness. Shabbos in Shuls gives us plenty of face time to connect with our friends and deepen those happiness generating connections.

Meaning is the currency of the mental dimension and we find meaning in things we find significant. For many of us, the Shul is one of the most significant institutions in our lives, and our participation in belonging, supporting and operating it provides meaning.

The highest dimension is the spiritual and it is in this dimension that we define the purpose of our lives; developing a relationship with Hashem. The extended davening and learning that takes place in the Shul on Shabbos helps us achieve our purpose.

Living an amazing day-to-day life of Four Dimensional Flourishing is within our grasp, and Shabbos in Shul gives us a large scoop of such a life.

Taming The Wild Shul Kiddush Scene

The Scene
You’ve seen the movie. Shul ends and it’s time for Kiddush. In the time it takes to say “Walmart Black Friday Shoppers”, the hot food is either all gone or desecrated into a non-appetizing state. Ok, perhaps that’s an exaggeration, but hungry Shul-going Jews can sometimes go a little over the line. The key, like in many Shul matters, is to set boundaries that can be observed.

Wait For the Rabbi To Make Kiddush
The first boundary to consider is waiting for the Rabbi to make Kiddush for everyone. Nobody takes any food, without exception, until the Rabbi makes Kiddush. Yes, people will correctly point out that you should make a mezonos immediately after Kiddush, but that halachic problem can be addressed with well position plates of cookies and crackers around the room. For guests and members who forget, politely point out that this is a rule without exception.

The Seven Minute Rule
To make it easier for people to wait, our Shul created the seven minute rule. At the end of the davening, or at the end of announcements, the president or Gabbai reminds the congregation that nobody should take any food until the Rav makes Kiddush in about seven minutes. That’s the approximate time it takes for all the men and women to get from the sanctuary to the social hall. In your shul, it may be the six, eight or nine minute rule. It doesn’t have to be to-the-second in actuality, but knowing that they’ll be eating soon, helps people remain within the don’t-take-yet boundary.

Making It Last
Even with the Rabbi making Kiddush and the seven minute rule, when the waiting ribbon is cut, it can still get ugly. Multiple tables and smart food placement can help with the sometimes inevitable jostling that results from a many people, single destination configuration. To make the hot/best food last, having members serve can help. Smaller plates or small cholent bowls is another idea. Gentle reminders to take less can also have a positive effect over time.

The Shul Kiddush is a great event which people thoroughly enjoy. I’ve laid out some ideas to make it a little more civil, but sometimes people will cross the best behavior line. It’s important to give the benefit of the doubt when that happens and remember that there are cultural norms involved. People are generally good, but sometimes they’re also hungry!

The Transformation of Shaloch Manos

Purim is a day for fostering unity. The sages instituted a number of mitzvos towards that goal including charity to at least two poor people (matanos levyonim), a gift to at least 1 friend (shaloch manos), and a festive meal (seudos purim) with family and friends. The gift should consist of two portions of significant food items. Since funds are usually limited, most halachic authorities say that charity for the poor takes precedence over gifts to friends.

Shaloch Manos has certainly changed over the years with the addition of poems, themes and more elaborate gifts. I think that a case can be made that this mitzvah is a healthy outlet for those with the creativity needs, the time, and the money to carry this out. However, it does create a pressure, which is not what Chazal intended.

Another area of change is that people give many more Shaloch Manos than the one gift that halacha requires. This creates FOLO, Fear Of Leaving Out. Since we are giving out so many, we are afraid that someone will be offended if we leave them out. Shuls and other organizations have addressed FOLO anxiety by creating Shaloch Manos giving programs whereby you give to a number of people in one fell swoop.

A typical Shaloch Manos program for a Shul with 100 members charges $3.00 for each member to whom you want to send. For $125 you can send to all the members in the Shul. A reciprocity option sometimes exists to automatically send to people who send to you, which is another FOLO reliever. Each member receives the same Shaloch Manos basket with a list of the people who sent to them. With the baskets costing about $25 each, and a 60%-70% participant rate, this 100 member Shul would make between $4,000 – $6,000.

Shaloch Manos has become a nice fundraiser, but do we lose anything in that process?

Kashrus, Cost and Convenience in Your Shul’s Kitchen

Judaism affords us many opportunities to throw a small party and the trick is to do it without it costing a small fortune. So when you need a little more space for your Simcha, the first place to turn is towards the Shul secretary responsible for booking the Social Hall. You make the call, and the space is available, so the next step is to understand your Shul’s rules regarding bringing in food and using the kitchen.

As we’ve seen in every discussion here, there is always a tension between two or more issues. In this case there is the cost and convenience of bringing in your own food versus the need to insure that a reasonable level of Kashrus is maintained in the kitchen. Let me share the guidelines we’ve established on this issue as a starting point.

1. The sinks and counters in our kitchen are considered Fleishig.

2. You can only use the sinks and counters if you are bringing in food from an approved vendor under the hashgacha of an approved agency like the Vaad of Queens or the OU.

3. You can only bring in home made food if it is a private affair such as a vort, Sheva Berachos or a Shalom Zachor.

4. If home made food is brought in then ONLY the refrigerator can be used. No sink, counters or anything else.

5. No home made hot food can be kept in the kitchen.

These five rules enable us to keep the Kashrus standards of the Shul kitchen at a high level, while still allowing for the use of home food for private events in the Shul.

Shalosh Seudos is the New Shul Social

In larger Jewish communities, it seems that Shuls are less of a hub of social activities these days. This might be because people are busier with their work and family lives, there are more entertainment avenues available, or perhaps because people are less comfortable socializing in mixed groups. The Shabbos Kiddush is still a mainstay, but my experience is that many people stay for just a short while, and after the cake and kugle, there’s not too much time left for socialization.

One social activity that does seem to be running at full throttle is Shalosh Seudos. On Shabbos afternoons from Succos to Pesach, after Mincha, the men march down to the social hall to fill the rows of long tables. Although there’s no reserved seating by Shalosh Seudos, many people seem to sit in the same section, comfortably shmoozing with the same group of friends.

Although the food is usually nothing to write home about, after a hearty Shabbos lunch it’s more than enough. Starting with the fast moving lines at the washing sinks, the borrowing of a roll for lechem mishneh, and the refrains of pass the egg salad, the seltzer, the chips and the herring, this smallest of Shabbos meals meets the halachic requirements, while at the same time filling the bread-breaking function that has bound people together since the times of the Torah.

When I see all the people talking, eating and enjoying each other’s company, it shows that we really need to socialize, and we’re fortunate that the “progress” of society has not taken away this Shabbos afternoon oasis. In a future post will talk about some of the aspects of running and maximizing the Shalosh Seudos experience. Until then, enjoy your Shalosh Seudos.