Category: Foundations

Choosing Shalom Over Emes

My Shabbos Shul gives members who come on a regular basis a set seat each week. Since I was responsible for allocating the seats when we moved into our new building, it’s still my job to resolve seating conflicts. So it wasn’t out of the ordinary that a friend directed my attention to a quiet conflict in progress last Shabbos. No words were exchanged, but it was clear from the body language that two people were claiming the same seat.

After davening, I went over to the person who was assigned the seat and let him know I was aware of the situation and would try to resolve it. He said that he didn’t want to make waves and that the other person seemed to want the seat more, so he would take a different seat nearby. I offered again to try and resolve it, but he said it was ok, and he appreciated my involvement.

During the week, I daven regularly at a different weekday minyan. A number of months ago, the main gabbai clarified to me that regular daveners of the minyan could have a regular seat. Since I met the criteria, I said a regular seat would be great, and I was assigned one.

When I walked in last Sunday, I was told by a different gabbai to take a different seat on Sundays, because the person in my seat davens there on Sundays in the spring and summer months and he would be coming for the next 6 months. On the Emes (truth) scale, it would be hard to call a Sunday only spring-summer davener, a regular. But I didn’t say anything and I took the other seat. I thought that it was interesting that I was involved in resolving a seating issue on Shabbos and here I was on the other side of the table.

Reflecting upon the two events and seeing the Shabbos Shul member choose the route of Shalom over Emes, I decided to follow suit and not say anything to the Gabbai about the issue. The take away is that we do have rights, and there are times when we’re entitled to assert our rights. But perhaps our default position should be to relinquish or rights and choose Shalom over Emes.

Originally published Oct, 2017
His memory should be a blessing.

The Struggle to Minimize Machlokes

Hashem wants us to achieve some very specific things, one of which is “walking in his ways”. The Ramchal explains, based on Mishna 2.1 in Avos, that our actions should lead to true good, namely, strengthening of Torah and the advancement of friendship. Anything that connects people is good and anything that separates people is bad.

This leads to one of the primary Shul principles, which is minimizing machlokes. I was tested by this on two separate occasions recently where people came with what I call a reasonably unreasonable request. From their perspective it was perfectively reasonable, but from a Shul perspective it was slightly unreasonable. Both of them threatened to go to the Rav to get a Psak in their favor. Although the Rav might bring up an issue with me, he would never issue a Psak overriding an operational decision. However, the Rav’s guidance in many Shul matters often has the minimizing machlokes principle at its root.

My difficult task was to not be offended by their threat to get an overriding Psak. I couldn’t even tell them that the Rav would not override a decision. My job was to try to satisfy their request, with a smile, even if it was slightly unreasonable. I was fairly successful in one situation, probably because it came through email and I resisted the urge to respond until I could resolve it in the person’s favor. In a face to face situation, I was only partially successful, because the audacity of the psak override threat got the best of me.

Hashem wants us to connect. Hashem wants us to be united. This is why minimizing the divisive effects of machlokes is a primary Shul Policy.

One last point to note is that sometimes a decision must be made which will upset someone, creating a slight machlokes. However we must still strive to minimize the occurrence and degree of any machlokes. It’s not always easy because emotions often come into play, but the more we can internalize the principle the better chance we will have of implementing it and fulfilling Hashem’s directive.

Shuls, Shavuos and Spiritual Reality

I was learning with a newcomer to Torah Judaism recently and I used the term “spiritual reality”. He said that was an oxymoron because reality is tangible and spirituality is not, and the two terms should not really be used together. He had a good point, because by definition (according to the Ramchal in Derech Hashem), spirituality is not measurable. However the Torah teaches that there exists a G-d, who created a spiritual reality which is the cause of all physical reality that we experience.

The Ramchal says that we could deduce the existence of Hashem and spiritual reality (although not its details), through observation of the physical world and logic. However, he bases his discussion in Derech Hashem on what we know from our Masorah (cross generational teachings). Shavuos is the day on which we collectively experienced the existence of Hashem and received many of the foundations of our Torah and Masorah. The Torah describes spiritual reality and prescribes how we are to live and relate to that reality.

I had a conversation with a fellow Shul member recently which highlights the difference between physical and spiritual reality. We were discussing how we might close gaps in the services the Shul provides and make existing services more effective and efficient. These are aspects of physical reality that any organization would address. In the course of our conversation we agreed on two principles of spiritual reality: minimizing machlokes (distance-creating disagreements) and having extreme sensitivity to the feelings of people currently involved in Shul operations. Although abiding to these principles might sometimes result in less effectiveness and efficiency, they were spiritual Torah priorities and therefore they took precedence.

As we prepare to receive the Torah on Shavuos, it’s great to be reminded how fortunate we are to be connected to, and governed by, the spiritual reality of the Torah.

Appreciating a Growth Oriented Environment

Rabbi Yonatan Kaganoff has an article called The Post Yeshiva Synagogue on Gil Student’s blog. You can read the article and formulate your own opinions on Rabbi Kaganoff’s hypothesis, but I thought the following comment excerpt from Ari Heitner on May 21, 2013 at 8:58 pm made some very important points:

The kollel/beis medresh is a place that’s busy all the time, not a shul that’s dead except for an hour twice a day and a few hours on Shabbos. It’s a place where people who learned for years in yeshiva study together with people new to serious Torah scholarship. It’s a place full of people participating in their Yiddishkeit rather than just passively consuming it. It’s a place where people who work hard all day still show their primary focus is Torah, and a place that sets the tone as a community of people growing rather than stagnating. It’s a place with an active N’shei and a community that extends far beyond the four walls of the building.

It is a kid-friendly, female-friendly, family-friendly social and cultural Jewish Center. And it shows that the social and cultural center of Judaism is Torah study.

(Oh yeah, they also have davening there)

My experience in our growth oriented Shul on Shabbos/Weekday Beis Medrash confirms Ari’s conclusion that creating a community of people growing is the key to success. I would just add that two important components of that growth are the Shul’s chesed activities and a competent Rav to guide people on their individual growth paths.

I think the major change that has occurred in Shuls over the years is that many more people have become growth oriented. The increase in Yeshiva graduates and BTs has helped fuel this growth. This is an extremely positive development, however Shuls that don’t evolve to accommodate this new reality will face difficulties ahead.

Emotional Bank Accounts and Letting it Slide

One of the powerful metaphors of the late Steven Covey’s classic, “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People”, is the Emotional Bank Account (EBA). The EBA defines the degree of trust and the depth of the relationship between two people. In good relationships between friends, the positive interactions act as deposits, building a high balance in the EBA. The lack of interactions or negative interactions acting as withdrawals lowering your balance. The degree of trust, acceptance and forgiveness correlates with the balance in the EBA.

The “Digital Shuls” post from last week illustrates two examples of this principle. A few of my closer friends from Shul check their messages in Shul and the post, which they read, questioned whether that was proper behavior. Since I have a high EBA with them they heard what I was saying and did not begrudge me for saying it. One friend pointed out that smart phones, with their organization and communication functions, have become so integral to our day to day living, that it seems perfectly normal to check it in Shul, just as it would be acceptable to update a paper-based to-do list.

The “Digital Shuls” post was not actually prompted by the Shul phone usage of my friends. I pretty much accept their usage, because they’re close friends. What prompted the post, was the iPad usage at my weekday Shacharis minyan by someone I don’t know well. I found it distracting, but if we had a closer relationship and a higher EBA, I probably would’ve ignored it altogether.

In Shuls we let a lot of behaviors slide, because of high EBAs and that’s a good thing. The downside is that when behavior adjustment is called for, we don’t get a call out from our friends, and our friends are the ones most likely to help us change for the better.

Postscript: A Tzedakah collector was making the rounds during Tachanun in my weekday minyan. When he was at the iPad user’s table, I noticed that there was a $5 bill on the floor right next to the chair of the iPad user. I went over and picked it up and gave it to him and motioned that it fell out of his pocket.

After davening, I said it was a good Bava Metzia question as I never actually saw it fall and in theory, it could have been the Tzedakah collectors. He said that he checked his pocket and he was indeed missing a $5. We exchanged name introductions, and deposits were made into both our EBAs. I’m beginning to think that the iPad isn’t so distracting after all.

Growth Through Continuous Improvement

For those learning Torah full time, the Yeshiva is their place of spiritual growth, but for those of us who add a generous dose of working to our life’s mix, the Shul is our place of growth. Two key Shul growth influences are our fellow shul members and the shul Rabbi.

This past Shabbos provided a wonderful example of how that growth takes place. Our Shul is generally very quiet, however once in a while there will be random talking during Chazaros HaShas (the repetition of the Shemoneh Esrai). Since it is infrequent, it’s difficult to know when to leave it alone and when to intervene. Intervention can be a disturbance in and of itself, while letting it go can lead to a creeping increase in talking.

This past Shabbos our Rav, Rabbi Welcher was talking about the concept of makom (a holy place) and he related it back to our Shul. He told one of his favorite stories of how a Rabbi who had traveled the world commented on how quiet our Shul was. Rabbi Welcher noted that he didn’t mention that a member had come up to him that Shabbos to say it was a little noisier than usual.

Rabbi Welcher then mentioned that while talking between aliyos is a leniency we allow in the Shul, we should limit it to Torah topics and minimize it to the degree possible. He didn’t mention the more severe offense of talking during Chazaros HaShas. A few of us discussed the drasha afterwards and we noted that the Rav used a good and could be even better approach and choose an issue in which we could acknowledge room for improvement.

A Shul is a wonderful place where we can grow with our fellow members under the wise guidance of a Rav. Spiritual growth is a lifelong process and a gradual continual improvement approach in a group setting is one of the most powerful mechanisms to achieve lasting growth.

Why Is There So Much Shul Politics?

Shul Politics Makes Us Smile
When I tell people that we’re starting a Website call shulpolitics.com they invariably smile. Why is that? Because there’s a lot of shul politics going on.

The Roles of a Shul
If you Wikipedia the word shul, you’re taken to the page for Synagogues which includes the following:

A synagogue from the Greek for “assembly” is a Jewish house of prayer.

Israelis use the Hebrew term bet knesset (assembly house). Jews of Ashkenazi descent have traditionally used the Yiddish term “shul” (from the German Schule, school) in everyday speech….Some Reform Jews use temple. The Greek word synagogue is a good all-around term, to cover the preceding possibilities.

Synagogues have a large hall for prayer, and can also have smaller rooms for study and sometimes a social hall and offices. Some have a separate room for Torah study, called the beit midrash (Sfard) or beis midrash (Ashkenaz) which means “House of Study”.

Synagogues often take on a broader role in modern Jewish communities and may include additional facilities such as a catering hall, kosher kitchen, religious school, library, day care center and a smaller chapel for daily services.

We’re going to use the word shul here because it’s short, part of our title and the term with which I’m most comfortable. An interesting side bar is that “Shul Politics” beats “Synagogue Politics” by a margin of 3,330 to 1,580 in results found when searching with the quotes around the words in Google.

All shuls are used for prayer, but depending on the type of shul (which we’ll discuss next week) they differ in their Torah study and communal and auxiliary functions and in some situations the shul functions as the center of Jewish community in the midst of the larger geographic community.

Why Politics?
Let’s Wikipedia the word, politics:

A process by which groups of people make collective decisions.

Depending on the structure, shuls often operate in a collective decision making mode in which case their primary process is one of politics, groups of people making collective decisions. Political processes bring conflicting viewpoints to the table and resolving the tensions in these conflicts is not always easy.

Authority Distribution
Shuls are primarily for the benefit of their members, but different degrees of authority are distributed among the Rabbi, president, treasurer, other officers, board members, gabbai and general membership. The financial structure will also be a determinant on how authority is distributed. Although a general member is often lower in the authority ranking, the membership often has a strong collective voice and their participation and attendance or lack thereof ultimately determines the success of the shul.

When you factor the range of activities, the authority distribution, the financial contributions, the needs of the general memberships and the different points of view, you get a lot of shul politics.

Purpose of this Site
Our goal is to better understand shul politics and hopefully improve the shul experience. We’ll look at the issues, the tensions and possible paths to resolution. We won’t be talking about the politics of any specific shul, just the general issues.

Initially we’ll be publishing a post once a week.

Please join us by reading, commenting, subscribing and sending in your guest posts to shulpolitics@gmail.com.