Category: Growth Culture

Why It’s Hard to be Truly Thankful

Robert Emmons, one of the world’s leading scientific experts on gratitude, says there are two component to gratitude. The first is to recognize that although life is not perfect, we benefit from many good things, including being alive.

The second is to recognize the source of this goodness as being outside of ourselves. True gratitude involves a humble dependence on others, acknowledging that people and G-d, gives us many gifts, big and small, to help us achieve the goodness in our lives.

The problem we face is that we’re not comfortable being dependent. In fact, in Hebrew, thankfulness shares the same root as admission – when we are thankful, we admit that we are dependent.

The spiritual root of our hesitancy to admit dependency is that G-d created us with the independent ability to create our spiritual reality through our free will based good choices. Thankfulness runs counter to this spiritual independence at the core of our soul.

The solution is to willingly give up a piece of our independence through the inherently dependent process of being thankful. Choosing dependency in relation to G-d connects us to something infinitely greater then ourselves. So as you enjoy your food, friends and football this Thanksgiving, put a heaping portion of gratitude on your plate – you’ll be bigger, in the right places, as a result.

Why Your Shul Should “Do the Daf”

Although the primary purpose of Shuls is a place of prayer, opportunities for learning and chesed should be constantly sought after. The most widely implemented program in the learning play book is Daf Yomi or “Doing the Daf” as it’s known in common parlance.

The two major benefits of Daf Yomi are:
1) It creates an obligation to learn Gemora everyday. As we all know – the Daf waits for no man.
2) It creates a chevra Shas. A group of people who are bound by their common pursuit of learning Gemora.

It’s a very good idea for your Shul to provide a Daf Yomi shiur. The common objections to this suggestion are:
a) We don’t have anybody to give it
b) People won’t come
c) Daf Yomi is too fast

With the advent of Art Scroll a person can spend about 60-90 minutes preparing a decent Daf. Certainly there are higher levels of preparation and higher level shiurim, but giving an Art Scroll based Daf will allow you to achieve the two major benefits described above. To encourage someone to undertake that task, tell them that spending the time to prepare and give the shiur will provide them with tremendous benefits. It’s common knowledge that the giver of the Daf benefits a magnitude greater than the receivers.

Beginnings are hard, and beginning a Daf Yomi is no different. The minimum about of people required is 2, one to give and one to be on the receiving end. Find those two people and in time it will grow. Even if it doesn’t, the two people learning will benefit greatly.

Many people complain about the amount of material that has to be covered in the 45-60 minutes usually allocated to the Daf. And they are right. It’s a lot of material for that amount of time. But the reality is that the Daf has reached the tipping point and it is currently the standard bearer of Gemora learning. That doesn’t mean you can’t give other types of shiurim, but the Daf should be a standard in your Shul. The 100,000 – 300,000 people who celebrated at the completion of the last cycle have spoken.

One last point is that you should make a siyum after each Masechta. It helps people recognize their accomplishment and it provides a social venue to celebrate the learning of Torah. You need a minyan to say the Kaddish, but you don’t need a minyan to make a celebrate with a siyum. We need encouragement for the good things we do and a siyum is a great opportunity.

Mazal Tov to all those who just finished the cycle. For those who are still on the sidelines, it’s not too late to join in for Berachos.

How Shul Members Are More Inspiring Than the Rabbi

Sometimes members decide that they would be better served by davening in a Yeshiva. I spoke to my Rabbi about this and he pointed out that these members are missing an important ingredient of serving Hashem, and that is the influence they have on others. In many ways the Shul Members Are More Inspiring Than the Rabbi.

When the Rabbi exhibits dedication to chesed, learning, or davening, the thought which goes through many minds is “Of course that’s what the Rabbi does, after all he is the Rabbi, but I’m just an average working person”. But when a fellow member exhibits dedication to spiritual pursuits, the thought turns to “If he is working on his learning, chesed or davening, perhaps so should I”.

Over the years I have been inspired by many fellow members. One member was a master of chesed. I remember that he would always lend his car, especially to older Rabbis who were in America collecting for various needs. It really inspired me and over the years and I asked myself, “Shouldn’t I at least try to follow his lead?”.

Another member spends hours and hours learning Torah, even though he commutes to work daily, like the rest of his. He does read secular information, but he limits his time on the Internet and uses it more constructively in learning. If the Shul is open, there is a good chance you’ll find him inside learning. I was once sitting in the lobby before the Chuppah at a wedding. He walked in and I asked him why he was checking out various rooms. He said he wanted to see if the hall had a Beis Medrash. After greeting the Father of the Kallah, he left the hall to look for a Williamsburg Beis Medrash to learn for the hour and a half until the beginning of the first dance. I had to ask myself “What efforts am I making to increase my learning time?”.

Then there’s the weekday minyan member who is always working on his davening. He’s constantly reading and sharing Torah ideas about davening. He works on a daily basis to increase his concentration and his love and fear of Hashem, which is expressed in the davening. He freely admits davening is difficult and that is why he works at it. The question that leaves me is “Am I working hard enough to improve in this area?”.

There are many more inspiring examples of Communal Chesed, Shalom Bayis, being a good friend, giving Tzedakah,… Look around, pay attention, get inspired and remember that you’re positive behaviors can be an inspiration for others.

The Biggest Problem in Judaism

What’s the biggest problem in Judaism. A lot of things come to mind, the Yeshiva System, the Shidduch System, the Chinuch System, the Left, the Right, the Middle, the Open, the Closed, the Leadership, the lack of Leadership, etc.

However, I think the biggest problem in Judaism is clearly stated in the pasuk in Devarim:
And now, Israel, what does Hashem ask of you, that you
1) fear Him, 2) walk in His ways, 3) love Him, 4) serve Him with all your heart and all your soul and 5) observe all the mitzvos.

That’s what’s expected of us!

On top of that we have an animal soul that’s impulsive, loves physical pleasure, and detests exertion. We have a yetzer hara that makes us ego-centric leading to selfishness, anger, envy and honor seeking. And we live in a world loaded with intellectual, emotional and physical distractions like politics, business, sports, shopping, gadgets, social media, and entertainment.

And even when we are able to overcome the physical, emotional and intellectual deterrents and create some connection to Hashem through fear, middos development, love, wholehearted service, and meticulous mitzvos observance – the majority of the payoff will not even be received in this world, but in the world to come.

This challenge is a tall order and it’s not really emphasized to FFB/BT children or FFB/BT adults, because it would just discourage them. So Yeshivos focus on the information and thought development of Torah study, and Kiruv and non-Yeshivish environments offers Torah as the best of all possible lifestyles. So it should be no surprise that many people want to move to a town where they can sit back a little and enjoy the Torah lifestyle.

That is the Biggest Problem in Judaism – a lot is expected of us and it’s really hard given our nature and environment. However, this is a problem that Hashem created. And if He created this problem, we know that He created a solution. We’ll take a look at the solution in a week or so.

Beyond a Better Lifestyle

I’m not happy about my “Making Shabbos Morning Greating Again” post from last week. For starters the term, “halachically permitted discourse between aliyos”, was ambiguous and possibly misleading. To set the record straight the Shulchan Aruch, Rema and Mishna Berurah are pretty clear that you should not talk between aliyos. The Aruch HaShulchan, however, says you can talk about any subject. Our Shul has recently adopted a middle position in which only Divrei Torah are permitted.

The bigger problem is that I fell into a common trap of viewing Judaism as a good lifestyle choice. I like my Shul because it works for me. Great people, a great Rav, short-enough davening, decent kiddushes. There’s nothing inherently wrong with a person enjoying his Shul and his Torah lifestyle. The ways of Torah are pleasant and we should enjoy the lifestyle it presents. The problem is when we view a better lifestyle as the goal of our Judaism.

The goal of Judaism is for us to develop a deep connection with God, and that connection will last for eternity. We create that connection thought learning Torah, doing mitzvos, davening, helping others and improving our middos. God expects a lot because each one of us can reach high levels of connection. To move towards our potential we need to make continual improvement in the above mentioned areas our major focus in life.

When our Rabbi makes a decision to strengthen our halachic observance through some policy, “Not loving it” is a poor response. We should embrace the opportunity to get closer to Hashem through the new practice. Shabbos morning and the other times and places in our life are great for one simple reason, they present us with many opportunities to forge a stronger connection with Hashem. Let’s try to take advantage of these opportunities.

A Shul Grows in East Boca

Boca Raton, Florida is one of the fastest growing Jewish and Orthodox communities in the United States. According to a recent article in Hamodia, the first Orthodox Shul opened there in 1983 and today there are over 1,000 Shomer Shabbos families. The biggest Shul is the Boca Raton Synagogue, with 700 families and according to their Shul beliefs and History web page, former Rabbi Kenneth Brander, now at Yeshiva University was instrumental in Boca’s growth. Rabbi Brander has been succeeded by Rabbi Efrem Goldberg who goes beyond his Rabbinic leadership duties with an insightful weekly blog column.

Last summer, a family I am close with, moved to a smaller community outside of Boca proper, where Rabbi Yaakov Gibber is the Rabbi of Shaarei Tefillah. My friend is very happy with the community and attributes it’s marked warmth to the fact that the residents are transplants from other communities and don’t have much extended family so they form close connections with their neighbors.

Last fall, another close family announced they were moving to East Boca which is 7 miles to the east of Boca proper. The East Boca community was established 7 years ago when Rabbi Shimon Feder and 5 other alumni families of Yeshiva Chofetz Chaim in Queens founded the Jewish Education Center which is primarily involved in teaching Torah to unaffiliated Jews. Rabbi Feder is the son-in-law of a long time friend from my Shul, so he regularly updates me on the exciting thing going on down there.

A few years ago, Rabbi Noach Light, another musmach from Yeshiva Chofetz Chaim was appointed as the first Rav of Congregation Yagdil Torah of East Boca. I’ve known Rabbi Light for many years and last week I had the pleasure of driving him home from a vort in Passaic to Queens. I mentioned a growth project I was working on which is focused on improving kavanna during Tefilla, and he told me that the entire community of 25 families in East Boca is focused on continual growth in Tefilla and all aspects of Yiddishkeit. Along with the tremendous outreach activities, East Boca is taking the Growth Culture Shul to the next level, with an entire Growth Culture Community.

I miss my friends very much, but I’m excited to hear how they’re growing, and to learn how to apply their continual growth culture to Shuls and communities in other parts of the country.