Category: Holidays

August Begins With An Aleph

It’s mid August, a time when many families’ thoughts turn to their summer vacations. A few years back I took my two youngest to Lake George for a few days. A key factor was that there was a minyan. I can still clearly picture arriving at the minyan tent a little early and seeing a group of ten Sefardi men and teens gathered and saying Selichos, as is their minhag to start from the 2nd day of Elul.

The juxtaposition of August and Elul is striking and holds an important message. Judaism permits, and often encourages, man to partake of the pleasures of the world, but it’s with perspective. The summer months provide fun weather, fun places, fun food and free time to enjoy it all. Then after a few weeks the Shofar and Selichos of Elul arrives. It’s a call for perspective.

Man has four primary pursuits. The pursuit of pleasure, happiness, meaning and purpose. They’re all important, but Judaism places the highest priority on purpose. Why are we here? What happens after we die? Our purpose is to develop an awareness, a relationship, and a connection to Hashem, and that connection lasts for all eternity.

August begins with our pursuit of pleasure, perhaps the most self-centered of the four primary pursuits. August begins with the aleph of ani, the aleph of “I”. And then comes Elul, and the aleph of Elul. The aleph of Ani L’dodi V’dodi Li. We take the aleph of “I” and we turn towards Hashem as we start to prepare for the most purposeful oriented days of the year. It’s truly amazing how we have the opportunity to take the aleph and pleasure of August and transform into the aleph and purpose of Elul.

Have a Gut Chodesh Elul!

The Redemption of Our Shuls – a Look Back to the Deep into Covid Days

This was originally posted when our Shuls were closed during Covid on April 6, 2020.

On Pesach we focus on two redemptions, the redemption from Egypt and the future redemption. Rav Itamar Schwartz, the author of “Bilvavi Mishkan Evneh”, points out that in the redemption from Egypt, we were emotionally redeemed, in that we were able to connect to Hashem with love and fear. On the seder night, we must feel as if we are leaving Egypt now, and emotionally connect to Hashem in gratitude. However, we weren’t totally redeemed, as four fifths of the people died and the wicked son is told “had he been there, he wouldn’t have been redeemed”.

In the future redemption, it will be a more complete redemption, the wicked will be included. This is because we will have achdus in the mind, which is the ability to see how details, and people, are connected and are all one. We will see how the wicked son belongs with us. Rabbi Schwartz points out that this will be achieved through the nullification of our egos, as a person’s self-absorption prevents the revelation of achdus.

We’re at a unique point this Pesach. We’re in exile from our Shuls and we’re davening alone. Many of us are longing to return to daven as a Tzibbur. It’s a great opportunity to take a step towards redemption, by thinking about how we will try to see things from an Achdus perspective when we return. Instead of is wondering whether the davening is too fast/slow for me, we will wrestle with the question of what’s the right speed for our Shul? What’s the right temperature for the Shul? It’s a harder perspective, but it’s the achdus perspective of the future redemption.

Great challenges. Great opportunities.

Hopefully we’ve made some progress over the past 2 years.

Reaching a Deeper Happiness on Purim

Happiness is a feeling of completion. When a person feels like they’re missing something, and then they get out of their lacking situation, they’re happy. The missing something can be a new house, a car, a vacation, or even that piece of chocolate that you want now.

A deeper sense of happiness is when we feel the completion with what we already have. That’s the happiness that comes from being with friends, family, or the one that you love.

The deepest level of happiness comes totally from within, it comes from a sense of being, not from having. It’s when we sense our own innate existence and we connect our existence to all of existence, and to the Creator of all existence. That’s the ultimate feeling of completion and happiness and it’s not dependent on anything we have or don’t have.

It’s hard to connect to our being, because in our world we are so focused on what we have, what we want, what we don’t have. The Purim story opens with the King of Persia throwing a massive 180 day party for all the people. The purpose of the party was to usher in a new world order of “having”, to replace a world of “being”. This is the world we live in today, one focused on “having” and not “being”.

On one level, the triumph of the Purim story is the defeat of the genocide promoting anti-Semite, Haman. The deeper victory is the fact that the Jews reconnected to a life of being and connecting to the Creator. As you may know, G-d’s name is not written once in the entire Megillah, because His presence was not obviously manifested in the world. We live in that same world, where it’s often difficult to sense G-d’s presence and generate the joy from connecting to G-d, the source of all existence.

So when Purim begins this Wednesday night, listen carefully to the Megillah. The Megillah helps us understand that there are no coincidences, only a Creator who is directing the crazy events in the world and in our lives, for our ultimate benefit. That ultimate benefit is when we can connect to our own existence, and connect to the innate existence of others, and collectively connect to The Source of all existence. That is the ultimate happiness and completion, and we can all take a collective step in that direction on Purim.

Chag Someach – Happy Purim

Taking Five for Hashem on Chanukah

I didn’t always appreciate Maoz Tzur. Our Shul has a minhag to sing it before Maariv, with last verse repetitions, and it usually delays Maariv by about five minutes. I would sometimes get a little annoyed. I would take out a sefer. Or grudgingly sing along, as I wondered whether this delay in davening was really necessary.

A few years ago my feelings changed. While thinking through the “Miracles of Chanukah” sugya, I came to realize that lighting the Chanukah menorah expresses our desire to serve Hashem in a higher manner – in the absence of the full functioning Beis HaMikdash. Just like the Maccabees desired a pure service, our lighting expresses our connection and desire for such a service.

We can serve Hashem in many ways. There’s the learning of His Torah and the performance of His commandments. There’s the service of the heart – namely prayer. And sometimes we can serve Hashem by allocating five more minutes out of our busy schedule. Five minutes to sing a song of thanks and praise. Five more minutes in the Mikdash Me’at.

Maoz Tzur never sounded better.

Covid Created Purim Opportunities

We are taught that “All Hashem does is for the good”, and this includes Covid. Let’s look at how that might apply to Purim.

Shaloch Manos
We are obligated to give two foods to one person. These foods gifts should be significant, but because we often choose to go wide instead of deep, we find ourselves giving a lot of smaller insignificant gifts to more people. This year Covid recommendations suggest cutting down on the number of gifts we give, so we can give use our Shaloch Manos funds for something significant. One year I gave a half-platter of Sushi and a bottle of Scotch to someone and it really made the impact that was intended with Shaloch Manos.

Megillah Reading
The absence of Hashem’s name in the Megillah teaches us that even when it’s not obvious, Hashem is the guardian of the Jewish People. However, Jewish Unity is a prerequisite for our ultimate salvation. We see that crucial unity develop in the Megillah. When you’re in Shul for the reading, look around and appreciate all your fellow Covid weary Jews, who have come together to publicize and recognize Hashem’s hidden miracles. Despite our differences, we are family!

Purim Seudah
Our goal is to Serve Hashem With Joy. If we’re not feeling the joy, then our service is lacking. Unfortunately the scourge of Covid has been a downer this year and it might also reduce the number of guests at our Seudah. The key is to focus on the people who are at our Seudah. How much we love them and how happy we are to be together with them. And how fortunate we are to be able to serve Hashem together by having a joyous time.

Covid creates opportunities for us to re-focus on all that we have and do. Let’s take advantage of it.
Chag Purim Sameach!

Tapping into the Awe

I used to go away with my family to a Rosh Hoshana retreat where a few of the Rabbis would audibly cry during the “Who will live and who will die” portions of Unesanneh Tokef. Since I wasn’t able to reach their levels of fear, the crying made me a little uncomfortable. People have told me they also feel uncomfortable if the Baal Tefillah is davening from a crying/fear perspective.

Rabbi Bentzion Shafier of the Shmuz, in the first audio of his free 9 part series on the Lost Art of Teshuva, asks how is it that we are not in total fear, given that it is the Day of Judgement, which has extremely important implications. He answers that since we don’t see the immediate affect of the Rosh Hashanah Judgement, its implications do not affect us strongly emotionally. Please listen to the audio to hear Rabbi Shafier’s remedies for this situation.

Rav Itamar Shwarz, the author of the Bilvavi Mishkan Evneh, starts us on a path to another remedy:

On Yom HaDin, there are two kinds of yirah: yiras haonesh (fear of punishment) and yiras haromemus (fear of Hashem’s greatness). The first kind of fear is possible even from a human king, but the second kind of yirah is only possible toward Hashem. On Rosh HaShanah, the kind of yirah to have – the way of Chassidus – is to have yiras haromemeus, fear of Hashem’s greatness; that Yom HaDin is not simply to fear punishment, but to be afraid of being distanced from closeness to Hashem. With Chassidus, the person isn’t being afraid of the judgment of Yom HaDin, but of the fear of not being close to Hashem.

The closeness to Hashem on Rosh HaShanah that everyone can grasp is that Hashem exists. All of Aseres Yemei Teshuvah are days of closeness to Hashem, but Rosh HaShanah is the climax of this closeness – because now, a person is standing before the King in judgment; not because the person is afraid of the judgment, but because a person feels such a closeness to Hashem during judgment.

This Rosh Hoshanah, when you hear the crying, let it remind of you of Hashem’s awesomeness. He is the King of the entire world and the fate of everything and everyone is in His hands. When we’re focused on how awesome Hashem is, we can yearn for, and be thankful, that we can have a relationship with Hashem, in all his awesomeness. We can use the lower fear, to tap into the higher awe, and take the next step towards increasing our connection and love for Hashem. It transforms the crying into a whole new light.

Making Your Shaloch Manos Count

In his sefer, “Getting to Know Your Soul”, Rav Itamar Schwartz discusses the thirteen faculties of the soul according to Rav Hai Gaon. The 7th of these faculties is Chessed or Kindness. Chessed is the physical act, but the goal of chessed is love. Yet feeling love is not the ultimate goal. It is a means of achieving something deeper – a sense of unity between the one who loves and the beloved.

We know the pasuk teaches “The world is built on kindness”. The simple meaning is that the the world cannot survive unless people help each other, which is certainly true. On a deeper level, we know Hashem created the world in order to bestow goodness on his creations. Thus, when we say that “the world is build on kindness”, we also mean that the world was created in order for the Creator to bestow kindness. On the other hand there is a pasuk that says “On that day, Hashem will be one and His name will be one”, implying that the goal of Creation is the revelation of Hashem’s oneness. Which is the goal – kindness or oneness? In fact, one complements the other. We are taught in sefarim, that Hashem’s ultimate kindness is identical with the revelation of His oneness.

For us, if chessed is only about giving, it’s a precious quality, but not the root of them all. The real power of chessed is its power of unifying the world into one cohesive entity.

On Purim, we have two mitzvos of kindness, Matanos L’evyonim and Shaloch Manos. When we give our Shaloch Manos, we can try to think about the connection we are making, and that it is a facet of the deep connection, which is love. The more we focus on the love inherit in our giving, the more we can do our part in building the unity that will herald the day when “Hashem will be one and His name will be one”. Chag Purim Samayach!

Preserving Shul Sanity on Purim

Purim presents a number of unique issues for a Shul which we’ll try to highlight in this post.

Purim is Like Yom Kippur
The Kaballah masters compare Purim to Yom Kippur. From a Shul’s perspective this is evident in the fact that there are often as many people in Shul on Purim night as there are on Yom Kippur. The presence of more children presents special seating issues and if we want our regular seat we should get there early or find another seat. Although we don’t normally like to split up minyanim, some Shuls make additional minyanim in order to accommodate the overflow crowds.

On Purim night, some Shuls have a party in celebration of Purim and to break the fast of Esther, similar to the break fast that occurs after Yom Kippur. Since the Shul is at capacity, logistics in accommodating the large crowd have to be addressed.

Megillah Readings
Hearing the Megillah is a halachic obligation on men and women, and families with smaller children often need to make two trips to Shul to hear the Megillah. Many Shuls have extra readings of the Megillah. In Kew Gardens Hills, this list contains over 125 readings on Purim day.

Since we need to hear every word of the Megillah, some focus has to be made on restoring quiet after the banging and groggering that occurs every time Haman’s name is mentioned.

Purim Seudah
The Purim Seudah is a wonderful opportunity for the Shul to have a communal meal and is a very popular event in smaller Shuls, where size logistics make it practical. Since many people accompany their Purim Seudah with extra drinking, care has to be made to keep alcohol out of the hands of minors and to make sure adults drink and act responsibly.

Shalach Manos
The mitzvah of Shaloch Manos is an opportunity to show our friendship to our fellow Shul members. This opportunity can also create a problem of overlooking a member and causing a tinge of emotional pain. Some Shuls have Shaloch Manos programs where members can participate in sending group baskets to their fellow members. These programs also have the additional benefit of raising money for the Shul.

It’s All About Unity
The number of activities and the stress they can produce can bring us to the point of conflict. It’s helpful to keep in mind that the mitzvos of the day are focused on Jewish Unity and we should focus on the happiness that Shul unity should bring in its wake.

From Me to Hashem via You

The Ramchal in Derech Hashem lays out our purpose in life. We are born with a primarily self-centered orientation and our mission is to transform ourselves into Hashem-centered people. Improving our character traits (middos) helps us break our self-centered orientation, while doing mitzvos helps us develop a Hashem-centered orientation.

From Rosh Hoshana thru Yom Kippur, since Hashem, Our King, is so prominent, we can accomplish more in the way of Hashem-centeredness. To really take advantage of this we need to break our self-centeredness through middos development.

In the Mesillas Yesharim, the Ramchal lists the four middos which need the most work: Pride, Anger, Envy and Desire for honor and money. All these middos involve other people, and we need to turn down the volume on our perspective and turn up the volume on the other person’s perspective. To the degree we do this and diminsh our self-centerness, is the degree to which we can make Hashem our King and the central force in our lives.

The people we meet in Shul give us many opportunities to diminish our self-centeredness and make Hashem and His mitzvos the focus of our lives. Elul is a great time to take advantage of these opportunities as we travel from Me to Hashem Via You.

Changing Our Perspective

A year or two ago, a Shul member expressed his concern about a long term Rosh Hoshana issue. We talked for about 10 minutes and I explained why things were that way, what was attempted, and why there was no easy fix. After our short conversation he said that he didn’t realize these types of issues were so complicated.

I am working on the Yomin Noraim seating for our Shul. People will sometimes make seemingly unreasonable requests. When the implications of those requests are explained, they will usually come to a workable compromise.

These problems begin because Hashem designed us to see things from our unique perspective. Each of us lives inside our own head and that is the lens with which we see the world. When more information is revealed, most people can see the picture from a wider angle and come to a reasonable conclusion.

Seeing the bigger picture is an extremely important skill on Rosh Hashana. Our task is to focus on the King’s perspective and to clarify our role in His Master Plan. May we all reach some clarity on Rosh Hashana so we can reach the win-win situation of His Will becoming our will, so that our will becomes His Will.

Seven Things To Be Forgiving of in Shul this Rosh Hashana

We’re taught that if one is forgiving of others, Hashem will be forgiving.

Here are things to be forgiving of in Shul this Rosh Hashana

1) Time davening is over
2) Niggunim chosen by the Ba’al Tefillah
3) Temperature in the Shul
4) Length of the Rav’s drasha
5) Kibuddim you received
6) Someone looking at a sefer you brought
7) Childcare services