Category: Policy

Cutting the Line to Sell Your Chametz

Here’s the scenario: It’s the week before Pesach. Our Rav is a leading Posek and many people, including the kollel and yeshivah students sell their Chametz through him, and ask a shailoh (question) or two in the process. The line can get quite long. In comes a long time Shul member who catches the corner of the Rav’s eye. The Rav waves him to the front of the line to sell his Chametz.

On one hand the Rav has instituted the policy that dues paying Shul members have priority and the privilege to cut the line. If the Rav waves you to the front, it’s an easier choice, you probably go. If you’re not waved on, should you exercise the privilege of cutting the line? My unscientific observation has been that most people do not cut the line.

Is there anything wrong with cutting the line? Probably not. The Rav is paid by the members of the Shul and he tries to give them priority, which makes sense. And it’s not causing potential embarrassment, like telling someone they’re in your seat. It seems like it should be ok to cut, and after all, the Rav himself instituted the policy.

So why don’t most people cut the line? I think they’re a little embarrassed to execute this privilege. The other people on line probably don’t feel great about it, their time is valuable to them. Perhaps there’s a cultural aversion to line cutting in our cross section of Orthodoxy. Many people use the opportunity to open a sefer, shmooze or just spend some down time. Why risk offending other people when there are other options. It’s a small issue, but it’s the small things that collectively define who we are.

While we’re on the issue of selling Chametz, there is a custom to give the Rabbi a tip at this time. In our middle class neighborhood, it seems that the amounts are in the $20 to $100 range, but ask your friends what the norms are by you.

Thank Yous and Mazal Tovs

There are two areas where doing a positive act might result in negative consequences. The first it publicly thanking people for services performed for the Shul. The second is publicly wishing people Mazal Tov.

When publicly thanking people from the podium or in the newsletter, there is a risk that you will leave someone out and thereby offend them. This can happen at a Shul dinner, where thank yous for general services may be issued, and after specific events. Many people feel that thank yous are so important that they should be issued, even at the risk of leaving someone out. A way to minimize the danger of offending, is by checking your list of thank yous with one or two people, thereby reducing the risk of leaving someone out.

One small caveat is that some people don’t want to be publicly thanked either because they like to keep their chesed private, or because they feel that they did not make a significant enough of a contribution to warrant a public thank you. Some people make a distinction between publicly announced thank yous and those written in the newsletter, as the sting of being left out is more pronounced when it is in print.

There are many lifecycle events that invoke a Mazal Tov, such as a bris, bar/bat mitzvah, engagement, marriage and birth. Mazal Tovs are strong builders of connection, at both the time they are announced and after Shul, when members come over to the Baal Simcha to wish Mazal Tov.

If there is a kiddush in the shul commemorating the event, then public thank yous are certainly in order. In regards to other events, one possible policy is to only announce events that are submitted to the president or some other officer. The downside of such a policy is that people involved in Simchos are usually busy and may forget to submit their Mazal Tov. The upside of such a policy is that there will be less cause for offense, since the lack of an announcement was the result of a lack of notification.

The other possible policy is to encourage submission of Simchos, but announce those that are known even if they are not submitted. The downside of such a policy is that people might be offended if their Simcha is missed, since other non-submitted Simchos where announced. The upside of such a policy is that more Simchos will be announced, resulting in more good will and connection.

I personally feel that Mazal Tovs and their connection generation is so important that they should be announced whenever they are known. Events that are missed can be announced the next week when they are discovered. If such a policy is adopted, members of the Shul should be encouraged to submit Simchos of which they are aware. A caveat here is that some people may not wish a particular Simcha to be announced, specifically when there is a party involved, like a Bat/Bar Mitzvah, and they don’t want to offend people who were not invited.

Life is complicated and setting policy on Thank Yous and Mazal Tovs should be thought through and discussed.

The Complexities of Complaints

In a post regarding the difference between a Minyan and a Tzibbur, I wrote: “A minyan is a place for davening, while a tzibbur is a place for people. … One of the main thing that distinguishes a minyan from a tzibbur are the complaints. … In a Tzibbur the members are the group and therefore they have a right to express their opinion, which are often perceived by the leadership as complaints. ”

The person who usually receives the most complaints is the President. Depending on their job, family and life situations, some Presidents spend more time in the Shul than others. If a President is in the Shul less often he will probably receive less complaints, because there is a whole class of minor complaints that people will make in person, but will not pick up the phone to pursue. Is that a good thing or a bad thing? Let’s take a quick look at the complexities of complaints.

Less complaints are good because there will be less situations which can become major disagreements. In addition, each complaint is a challenge for the President, since he has to dignify each complaint and respond with respect to the complaining member – which sometimes can be challenging. Thirdly, many issues can’t be rectified because there are usually a number of factors why a given Shul Operation is administered in a certain way.

The first benefit of more complaints is that when people feel their voice is heard, they feel more connected to the Shul. Increased Shul connection benefits both the individual and the Shul. From a spiritual perspective, complaints give the administration the opportunity to increase their peace, love and understanding capabilities, and it’s a lot more difficult to Love Your Neighbor as Yourself when you’re being challenged on some issue. And lastly, if people don’t feel that they can express their complaints, resentments build.

If you didn’t like this post, please feel free to send your complaints my way.

Confessions of a Shul Covid Politician

Most people cringe at the thought of politics and politicians, but if you wikipedia the word, you will find that politics is the process by which groups of people make collective decisions. The Covid crisis has tested the capabilities of Shul Politicians the world over. So I just wanted to share some challenges we are currently facing. Our particular Shul is a membership organization, with active Officers, a Board of Directors, and a Rabbi who leads and guides us.

Shul politicians want the approval of their members. At the core, that’s our raison d’etre – making our members happy. With regard to Covid, we need to develop constantly changing policies and procedures in response to the changing environment. The process involves trying to arrive at a consensus after discussing the issues with the members, officers, board and Rabbi. In the case of Covid, it’s often hard to reach a complete consensus, but with much input and discussion, it’s possible to develop policies that are safe, in the spirit of the law, and provide members with the services they need and expect.

After the policies are formulated and communicated, Shul Politicians are looking for the cooperation of the members. Cooperation sometimes morphs into compliance, and people sometimes need to be told to cover their nose, keep 6 feet distanced, and to attend a non preferred minyan location. It’s natural for people to focus on their own interests, and the Shul Politician must remember that it’s their job to nudge people into cooperation and compliance when necessary.

The payoff of these efforts for the Shul Politician is that every minyan, especially on Shabbos, is a mini-victory. In our Shul, our members are cooperative and appreciative, and that sweetens the efforts even more. May Hashem give us the continued strength to deal with this situation and bring us quickly to the days of yore, when seating, talking and funding were our primary concerns.

Taming The Wild Shul Kiddush Scene

The Scene
You’ve seen the movie. Shul ends and it’s time for Kiddush. In the time it takes to say “Walmart Black Friday Shoppers”, the hot food is either all gone or desecrated into a non-appetizing state. Ok, perhaps that’s an exaggeration, but hungry Shul-going Jews can sometimes go a little over the line. The key, like in many Shul matters, is to set boundaries that can be observed.

Wait For the Rabbi To Make Kiddush
The first boundary to consider is waiting for the Rabbi to make Kiddush for everyone. Nobody takes any food, without exception, until the Rabbi makes Kiddush. Yes, people will correctly point out that you should make a mezonos immediately after Kiddush, but that halachic problem can be addressed with well position plates of cookies and crackers around the room. For guests and members who forget, politely point out that this is a rule without exception.

The Seven Minute Rule
To make it easier for people to wait, our Shul created the seven minute rule. At the end of the davening, or at the end of announcements, the president or Gabbai reminds the congregation that nobody should take any food until the Rav makes Kiddush in about seven minutes. That’s the approximate time it takes for all the men and women to get from the sanctuary to the social hall. In your shul, it may be the six, eight or nine minute rule. It doesn’t have to be to-the-second in actuality, but knowing that they’ll be eating soon, helps people remain within the don’t-take-yet boundary.

Making It Last
Even with the Rabbi making Kiddush and the seven minute rule, when the waiting ribbon is cut, it can still get ugly. Multiple tables and smart food placement can help with the sometimes inevitable jostling that results from a many people, single destination configuration. To make the hot/best food last, having members serve can help. Smaller plates or small cholent bowls is another idea. Gentle reminders to take less can also have a positive effect over time.

The Shul Kiddush is a great event which people thoroughly enjoy. I’ve laid out some ideas to make it a little more civil, but sometimes people will cross the best behavior line. It’s important to give the benefit of the doubt when that happens and remember that there are cultural norms involved. People are generally good, but sometimes they’re also hungry!

Sweating for Shalom

– I daven in a small Beis Medrash.
– It sometimes reaches the low to mid 70s in the room.
– We have a big a/c unit with a remote control.

– One day it was very warm, and nobody turned the a/c on.
– I offered to be the a/c gabbai.
– The gabbai rishon deputized me.

– On my first day it was warm and the a/c was off.
– Somebody was cold and they had objected to the a/c.
– A discussion ensued about an appropriate a/c policy.

– It seems that the Coldys raise more objections than the Warmys.
– I decided to resign my a/c gabbai position.
– That was the day that I decided to Sweat for Shalom.

The Wisdom of Guest Seating

The Ramchal in the introduction to Mesillas Yesharim states that only serving Hashem is considered true Wisdom. I usually explain this idea as follows: Wisdom is applied knowledge. Torah must be studied in depth to pick up its many nuances. Then, that Torah knowledge must be applied to each situation. Since every life situation is unique, and the Torah addresses each situation, we need to apply Torah to the our life, minute by minute. This is true wisdom.

We had an Aufruf in our Shul recently with many guests which illustrates the above principle. Some Shuls take a blanket approach of never asking a guest to take another seat. Other Shuls are not guest-friendly and have no qualms about asking anyone to move to another seat. Our Shul takes a balanced approach trying to accomodate both our guests and our members.

On this recent Aufruf Shabbos we began with an early assessment of what seats were available. As guests walked in, three people guided them to available seats. After about 10-15 minutes the clearly available seats were taken. We then made an assessment of which people probably weren’t coming, and which people are more easy going in terms of not having their regular seats. We guided the guests to those seats. If a guest took a seat before we could show them an available one, we made an assessment of whether they should be asked to move to a different seat. As more people came in, we had to decide the best places to add folding chairs. At Borechu, the supervised seating process was over, and we attended to our davening.

In every shul situation we should strive to properly apply the wisdom of the Torah. What a challenge! What an opportunity!

The Politics of Pesach

Pesach, like most Yom Tovs has some special Shul issues which must be addressed.

Siyum Bechoros
On Erev Pesach first born sons have to fast until around sundown. They are permitted to eat if there is a siyum and many Shuls conduct a siyum for this purpose. The siyum is made for finishing a Mesechta of Gemorra or a Seder of Mishnayos. The Rabbi is usually the first choice, but if he is not finishing a Mesechta, there is a need to find a member or guest to make the siyum. Once the person finishing the Mesachta is chosen, the second issue is how long to make the siyum since Erev Pesach is a busy day. They can run from under five minutes to over twenty minutes.

Hallel at Night
There is a custom to say Hallel the night of Pesach in Shul. When a Shul adopt this custom it delays slightly the time the members will get home. If the Baal Tefillah decides to sing some of Hallel it enhances the davening, but causes a further delay. This is a trade-off faced every Yom Tov Shacharis, but on Pesach night, when we want to start the seder as soon as possible, it creates additional tension.

Shacharis Starting Time
Some Shuls schedule their Shacharis so they always say Shema within the halachically acceptable time. In the New York area this would be between 8:15am and 8:30am. Since people are staying up much later on Pesach night, some shuls make accommodations by starting a little later on the following Shacharis.

Aliyos for Relatives
Every Yom Tov presents challenges for the Gabbaim, but since Pesach is a particularly family oriented time, there tends to be more guests in Shul. The Gabbai tries to honor as many families as possible with aliyos and other appropriate honors. Although a member can overlook his own honors, it’s not so simple when it comes to relatives and in-laws.

Mishing
In many Shuls, where people are holding by the same standards of kosher, people will eat at other peoples houses. On Pesach, since the standards of Kosher vary more, some people will not eat at other people’s houses at all. The practice of eating at another families house on Pesach is called “Mishing”. It can be a sensitive issue because there is a slight implication that the person’s standard of Kashrus is not trusted.

Pesach is a joyous wonderful time and with a little bit of effort we can overcome the politics of pesach, accommodate our members, and make their Yom Tov shul experience as menaingful and enjoyable as possible.

Tzedakah Collectors and the Unintended Tyranny of Policy

Shul policies are absolutely necessary to resolve conflicts between different interests. In the case of Tzedakah collectors coming around during davening, the conflict is between people praying, who would prefer to not be disturbed, and the collectors, who want to go around the shul asking for donations.

There are basically three policies regarding collections:
a) Collectors can go around any time, but should use common sense to avoid disrupting the daveners
b) Collectors are asked to only go around during certain times
c) Collectors may not go around, but may go to the Rav or the Gabbai

In addition, collectors sometimes request to make a short public appeal
There are basically three policies regarding this:
x) Public appeals can be made after davening
y) Public appeals are made only with the permission of the Rav or Gabbai
z) No public appeals with a few exceptions

In my Shabbos and sometime weekday minyan, they’ve adopted policies b) and y).
The current weekday minyan that I daven at has adopted policues a) and z).

Recently during the weekday minyan a gentleman came in to request to make a public appeal. He was told no by one gabbai, but waited for the second gabbai to finish davening to ask him. He was told again that he could not make the appeal but could go around the shul collecting like everybody else. He was not happy with that and left without even going around the Shul. He didn’t talk loud, but in the small space we daven in, most people were aware of what happened.

As it turns out, the shul sometimes does makes exceptions for appeals, but in this case they stood by the policy. It’s a hard call to make, both in terms of setting policy and enforcing it. There is a need to keep decorum and there’s a need to make exceptions. When and where is in the hands of the Rav or the Gabbai and when they stand firm on policy, the collectors come face to face with the Unintended Tyranny of Policy.

Originally Published 12/27/2012

The SP Guide to a 45 Minute Shacharis

As I walked into the 8:00 Shacharis for the bris of a friend’s grandson, I wished him a Mazal Tov and asked about the pace of the davening. The bris had to take place at 8:45 sharp, and he asked my opinion.

I thought it might be worth the effort to sketch out one possible allocation of times for a 45 minute Shacharis in nusach Ashkenaz.

8:00 – Morning Brachos (6 min)
8:06 – First Kaddish, Mizmor Shiur, Second Kaddish (2 min)
8:08 – Pesukei D’Zimra, Kaddish (9 min)
8:17 – Barechu, Brochas before Krias Shema (2 min)
8:19 – Krias Shema (3 min)
8:22 – Brachos after Krias Shema (2 min)
8:24 – Shemoneh Esrai (7 min)
8:30 – Shemoneh Esrai repetition, Kaddish (6 min)
8:36 – Tachanun (1 min)
8:37 – Ashrei, Uva Lezion, Kaddish (3 min)
8:40 – Alenu, Kaddish (2 min)
8:42 – Song of the Day, Kaddish (2 min)
8:45 – End

Morning Brachos in 6 minutes means a lot of skipping, but you can get in the essentials. If you listen and answer amen to the Baal Tefillah’s Brachos you’ll lose a minute of your own davening time there, so get to Shul early.

The Pesukei D’Zimra time is a little fast for my taste. I would prefer 12 minutes, but that wouldn’t work here where we’re constrained to a 45 minute davening.

The most critical time to set for davening is the time from Barechu to the beginning of Shemoneh Esrai. There are the two times when you need the highest level of Kavannah, during the beginning of the Shema and the beginning of Shemoneh Esrai. If people are davening fast during those times it will be harder for them to slow down and focus. An elapsed time of 7 minutes from Barechu to Shemoneh Esrai is a reasonable Kavannah-achievable pace.

The Shomeneh Esrai is when we are standing and talking directly to Hashem, so I think 7 minutes is a good time to allocate there. I’m also a big proponent of a dignified Shomeneh Esrai repetition and 6 minutes is respectful and is safely beyond AFAHP (as fast as humanly possible) range.

The end of davening on this scheduled is a bit rushed for my taste, but we only have 45 minutes. Going slower and being out of sync with the Tzibbur is less of a problem at this point of the davening.

What this exercise has shown me is that we really need 50 minutes for a dignified davening. If we truly realized what could be accomplished in our hearts, minds and the spirtual worlds during Shacharis we would give Hashem 50 minutes in a flash.

Building a Strong Sisterhood

In Torah Observant Shuls the roles of men and women are different in terms of participation in davening. Specifically the men and women sections are separate and women don’t lead the davening, read from the Torah or take other active roles in the service. Most women come to Shul on Rosh Hoshana, Yom Kippur, Purim, many come on Shabbos and Yom Tov, and very few come to the weekday services. In most Torah Observant Shuls, men are more active in learning activities and in the financial and day to day operations of the Shul. (Note: there is a wide variance in what form this takes depending on the community and the Shul.)

In light of these differences, a Sisterhood, Women’s Auxiliary or Women’s League is often created to address their specific needs and to give them opportunities to plan and run activities important to them. One of the first issues that arises is how the Sisterhood activities are financed. The alternatives are allocating a portion of the Shul budget or running fundraising activities specifically for the Sisterhood. The benefits of fundraising is that it provides autonomy, while the downside is that profitable fundraisers must be identified and implemented.

Another area of interest is what type of activities will the Sisterhood focus on. Much of that depends on what the Shul is already providing. Activities might include shiurim for women, women’s only social events and children’s events. In Shuls where the Sisterhood has formidable fundraising abilities, activities might also include improving areas of the Shul with special concern to women.

One last area is the degree of autonomy. My experience is that a high degree autonomy is preferred with coordination and support from the Shul Administration being provided when needed. If there is a separate significant budget, it is important to define the fiduciary responsibilities and financial procedures of the administration of the Sisterhood.

Addressing the Needs of the Young Marrieds

It’s a story that you hear repeatedly. Back in the day if you came 5 minutes after davening started, you couldn’t get a seat in the 400+ main minyan. But now it’s less than half full and the young marrieds minyan is just as big, but they don’t want to daven in the main minyan.

Many of the young marrieds grew up in the main minyan and it didn’t excite them.Now they want a minyan:
– that’s about 2 hours from start to finish
– has a very short or possibly no drasha
– has no misheberachs
– has no announcements (or they’re very short)
– has a kiddush after davening
– is filled with their friends
– is a place where they set the rules

It’s not really an unreasonable request list. And there are many minyanim in the larger community that fill this bill. Unfortunately, when meeting these demands, many Shuls can no longer fill their large main minyanim.

One solution to this is to find a dynamic Rabbi or assistant Rabbi, steeped in Torah knowledge, who understands the trials and tribulation of the younger generation. This Rabbi also has the capacity to pasken, teach, guide or inspire. It’s not an easy find, especially given that many Shuls have serious financial pressures facing them due to the decreasing membership.

Another solution is to create an environment from which the younger generation will want to belong, because of the clear benefits. This can take the form of a Growth Culture Shul.

Another possibility is a new model called a Chesed Culture, where many of the Shul members (not just a selected few) are regularly having others for meals, helping each other with jobs, shidduchim, housing, chinuch issues and the little things like plumbers, electricians, babysitters, etc.

An architectural solution would involved restructuring the Shul to handle a number of smaller minyanim. In many cases this would not be possible due to structural or financial concerns.

Unfortunately it seems that many large Shuls in this situation are working on returning back to the days of yore. I think this is very unlikely and the boards of these Shuls need to address the concerns of the next generation. Looking forward instead of back is the direction in which the next steps need to be made.

Making Rules To Prevent Digital Shuls

As cell phones have become commonplace, it has become accepted common courtesy to turn your ringer off or to vibrate during davening. Most Shuls strongly discourage talking on the cell during davening. Although some Shuls already have a no-digital-usage policy, many shuls have not yet established policies when it comes to less evasive digital usage.

With regard to reading and writing texts and emails, many Shuls allow it. The neighbor disturbance level is low enough, and many shuls are hesitant to prohibit behaviors which are not clear violations of the halacha. In the Shuls in my neighborhood, the texters are still a small minority, but in the event that a majority of people are texting in Shul on a regular basis, I think many Shuls will conclude that it is an inappropriate behavior and discourage it. Which makes you wonder why it’s not considered inappropriate now.

The next frontier is davening from IPads or other tablet computers. Since the IPad has a bigger screen which your neighbor can see, the potential for distraction is greater. As long as siddur and gemora viewing are the primary activities, most Shuls will probably not set a prohibitive policy. If people use the tablets for other things, I think minynan members will protest about the distraction and Shuls will discourage tablet usage, and perhaps cell phone usage as well.

We’re still early on the personal digital adoption life cycle and as the usage and frequency of usage evolves, it will be interesting to see how Shul policies change. It might make sense to get ahead of the curve and discuss and implement an appropriate digital policy for your Shul, since it’s harder to change behaviors when they’ve become entrenched.

Setting a Shul Poster Policy

To run successful events, shiurim, fundraisers, camps and getaways, publicity is needed. So it’s no surprise that many people would like to plaster a poster or two on the walls or windows of your Shul. Although some Shuls have a hefker bulletin board or door where anything can be posted, a thought out policy is also valuable.

What to Post Policy
a) Shiurim
b) Child and Social Events
c) Fundraisers
d) Business Ventures
e) Public Notices
Some shuls give a precedence to items in which members are involved.

How to Post Policy
a) Hefker Board
b) Ask the Rav
c) Ask the Gabbai
d) Ask the Posting administrator
e) Put it up and the Shul will decide what to take down

Where to Post Policy
a) Hefker Board
b) Locked Bulletin Board
c) Wall Space
d) Outfacing Windows

Our shul posts Shiurim (internal and external), Child and Social Events (internal), Fundraisers and Public Notices (on the Rav’s direction). We have a posting administrator. Our prime posting spot, on the outfacing windows, is reserved for Shiurim and Shul Events. The second outfacing window is for significant external and ongoing events. We have a locked bulletin board for Shul events and community information. We don’t allow posting on wall space, but women’s shiurim are sometimes posted on the entrance to the women’s section.

As in many things, moderation makes sense. Too restrictive – people don’t know what’s going on. Too lenient – the Shul starts to look like a plastered poster depot.

Growth Through Continuous Improvement

For those learning Torah full time, the Yeshiva is their place of spiritual growth, but for those of us who add a generous dose of working to our life’s mix, the Shul is our place of growth. Two key Shul growth influences are our fellow shul members and the shul Rabbi.

This past Shabbos provided a wonderful example of how that growth takes place. Our Shul is generally very quiet, however once in a while there will be random talking during Chazaros HaShas (the repetition of the Shemoneh Esrai). Since it is infrequent, it’s difficult to know when to leave it alone and when to intervene. Intervention can be a disturbance in and of itself, while letting it go can lead to a creeping increase in talking.

This past Shabbos our Rav, Rabbi Welcher was talking about the concept of makom (a holy place) and he related it back to our Shul. He told one of his favorite stories of how a Rabbi who had traveled the world commented on how quiet our Shul was. Rabbi Welcher noted that he didn’t mention that a member had come up to him that Shabbos to say it was a little noisier than usual.

Rabbi Welcher then mentioned that while talking between aliyos is a leniency we allow in the Shul, we should limit it to Torah topics and minimize it to the degree possible. He didn’t mention the more severe offense of talking during Chazaros HaShas. A few of us discussed the drasha afterwards and we noted that the Rav used a good and could be even better approach and choose an issue in which we could acknowledge room for improvement.

A Shul is a wonderful place where we can grow with our fellow members under the wise guidance of a Rav. Spiritual growth is a lifelong process and a gradual continual improvement approach in a group setting is one of the most powerful mechanisms to achieve lasting growth.