Category: Youth

In Praise of Shul Families

Reposted in honor of the upcoming Chasanah of Y. S.

There are some aspects of a successful Shul that are easy to quantify, such as a balanced budget, a reasonably paced davening, and Shul attendance. There are other aspects that are harder to precisely measure, but add even more value, such as a great Rabbi, a cohesive membership, and solid Shul families.

A Shul family is one in which the entire family participates, contributes and cares deeply about the Shul. They are active in the care and feeding of the Shul, they come regularly on Shabbos and Yom Tov, and they participate in Shul activites.

And perhaps the most interesting dynamic is how we experience the growth of their children. They are not immediate family or relatives, but we get a front row seat as they progress from Adon Olam, to Bar Mitzvah, to personable teenager, and G-d willing, to the Chuppah and beyond. We share in their Simchas, we watch them grow, we enjoy their company, and because they’re not involved in the day-to-day stuff, we don’t have conflicts with them. It’s a little like grand-parenting, lots of nachas, without the difficult parts.

This post coincides with the simcha of the S family. They typify a solid Shul family, who are liked by all, not just because of what they give, but because of who they are. It’s important to appreciate how we benefit from various aspects of the Shul, and when it comes to Shul families we need to recognize how by just being who they are, they add so much to our lives.

The Importance of Baseball

Our Shul had three teams in the Baseball League championships last Sunday. You can read a writeup of how we did in this article titled: “Jewish Community Baseball League’s Ahavas Yisroel on Display”.

I stopped by to watch a few innings and I was so happy about the mentchlekiet shown by the players and the coaches. When you see that type of fine behavior exhibited in the heat of a championship, you know it’s more than skin deep. Kudos to the league’s Directors, and to all the coaches who provided this important outlet for our boys.

I wrote about the importance of baseball a few years ago, and I’m reposting it below.

Originally Posted on June 29, 2017
Our Shul had some teams playing in championship games last Sunday, so I went to one of the games to show my support. I was talking to DK, who had moved from supervising the running of our Shul teams, to becoming Director of the entire league. He told me that our Rabbi felt it was very important that our Shul continue to field three of four teams, for the boys of the neighborhood, even though we had less than ten boys playing in the league. Let’s see why our Rabbi thinks baseball is so important.

In the first chapter of the Mesillas Yesharim the Ramchal states:

“The essence of man’s existence in this world is the fulfilling of mitzvos, the serving of God and the withstanding of trials, and the world’s pleasures should serve the purpose of aiding and assisting him, by way of providing him with the contentment and peace of mind requisite for the freeing of his heart for the service which rests upon him.”

Of course the Ramchal is talking about permitted pleasures and we see that they play a very important role. Man is created from a body and a soul and our body is attracted to the pleasures of the world. The performance of mitzvos and the serving of God make us more spiritually oriented, but we will always have a physical component which is attracted to this world. When we use the pleasures of this world properly we achieve the contentment and peace of mind necessary to serve God. If we deprive ourselves of the necessary permitted pleasures, we will not have peace of mind, which will hinder our service of God.

Younger boys are not obligated in mitzvos, but they do serve God through their prayers, Torah learning, and Gemillas Chasadim. They need pleasures to achieve the contentment and peace of mind necessary for their Divine Service. Baseball is one of the best sources of that pleasure. It builds teamwork, creates friendships and teaches good sportsmanship and does not require high levels of athleticism to play.

We need adequate permitted pleasures to serve Hashem properly. Thankfully, we have baseball and a Rav who understands its importance to guide us.

Youth Groups, Kids and Responsible Parents

A Shul Politics reader recently asked what I thought about “youth groups during shul and the kids playing sports like dodge ball and such rather than Shabbos morning appropriate activities”. I think it’s a great Shul Politics issue because it requires one to balance the needs of parents with active kids, with the rest of the membership. Like most issues, there is rarely a one-size-fits-all solution, and it is dependent on the makeup and governance of your particular Shul.

Our Shul encourages parents to bring their children on Shabbos morning and we have youth groups in our social hall, with paid leaders, for children under Bar and Bat Mitzvah age. On Friday nights and before the groups start, some of the boys play dodge ball and such in the Social Hall. It works out well, and my experience has taught me that these activities do not negatively effect the spiritual development of the children.

For Shalosh Seudos, many of the kids come early to help set up, which is a nice introduction to communal chesed. During Shalosh Seudos, when the men are in the social hall, the kids play outside or in the lobby. Sometimes this gets out of hand, and a responsible adult goes up to calm it down.

One issue that comes up, is when a member, who is not an officer and is not responsible for youth activities, disciplines a child or talks to a parent about their child. This almost never turns out well, but unfortunately it’s hard to stop some parents when they see a real or imagined Shul decorum violation. In these cases, it’s important for the president to talk to the disciplining member and to strongly encourage him not to rebuke children or their parents, but rather to bring it to the attention of the president or another officer.

Another important factor for successful coexistence between the kids and the davening members, is for parents to be responsible for their children. This means knowing where they are, what they are doing, and being ready and willing to step in, if the child needs discipline. When the parent does not act when necessary, it can create a difficult situation in which the president may need to step in.

I think we have found a good balance on this issue, but I was recently informed that there are parents who want their children to be able to be as active as they wish, without supervision, so they daven in another communal institution which has no groups and no supervision. If the building can handle that and it doesn’t interfere with the davening, Kol HaKavod.

In Praise of the “Stinkin Kids”

It was at a membership meeting of over 15 years ago. A member was complaining about the fact that sometimes the kids in the Shul get a little wild and the parents need to assume responsibility for the behavior of their children. It was a legitimate position, which most Shul members would agree on. However the complaining member went over the line and said something to the effect of ‘Somebody has to watch the “stinkin kids”‘. It was probably the most memorable phrase in membership meeting history, but the attitude was rejected and I’m sure even the complaining member wishes he could recall that phrase.

This Simchos Torah we had one of the best and strongest Hakafos in Shul history. There was lots of joyous singing and dancing, everybody behaved appropriately – it was fantastic. And at the heart of it all were many of those kids from 15 years ago, who choose to spend their Simchos Torah in the Shul instead of the Yeshivos, because we rejected the “stinkin kids” appellation, and made great efforts to make the teens and younger children feel comfortable, while at the same time keeping the play at appropriate levels.

There was a time when the Hakafos in our Shul were not so strong and consisted mainly of men doing the Yeshiva shuffle as they tried to make the Hakafos as short as possible. But for the past number of years they’ve been getting stronger and stronger thanks to the next generation.

We still have work to do in this area, and probably always will, as we try to encourage Shul attendance among the young, while at the same time curtailing inappropriate behavior. I’ll post some things we’ve seen work in the future, but today it’s a day of appreciation for the wonderful contribution our kids made to the entire Shul’s Simchos Yom Tov.